Don't Wait

The early hours of the morning were cold, if there was enough light maybe you could've seen our breaths. All I could concentrate on was steadying my breath, trying to make out the shape of his face. I felt sad to leave him, not this place or anyone else here. Just him. I felt a wisp of my auburn hair tickle my cheek with a chilly breeze. I tightened my grip around him, feeling his breath tickle my neck where his head was in our embrace. I'd spent too long here, I just needed to leave and I really didn't have any good reason for it other than I felt it in my bones.

"I don't suppose there's any way to talk you out of this?" He said pulling apart from me, his crooked smile on his lips. The ever-so-slightly condescending look in his hazel-blue eyes. I couldn't even begin to explain how much I loved those eyes, no one else had them. I chuckled, he knew better than trying to talk me out of half the things I do. I put my hands on his red hoodie and zipped it up, leaving the leather jacket over it undone. I looked down at my own navy peacoat already done up.

I looked up at him, the tears staying in my eyes, but blurring my vision. I wanted them to go away. As much as I didn't want to cry, it was mostly because I wanted to see him clearly. I'd never loved anyone until him, it was safe to say I probably wouldn't love anyone after him. I felt a cold gush in an exposed torn hole in my black skinny jeans. My rider boots keeping my feet warm and wrapped up. I bit my lip and saw his neck contracted, his tattoos looking so severe. I touched them with my icy fingers hoping not to give him any uncomfortable chills, but wanted to touch him so bad.

"What am I gonna do without you?" John asked, distress obvious on his face and his throat tightening changing his voice to seem raspier. It was still completely adorable, his whisper sounded so frightened. He was a good six inches taller than me, but the way he held me it didn't seem like it until he stood up straight to look into my eyes. I didn't want to think of what I would do without him, finally a kiss on my cheek, rosy from the cold, brought me back to the moment I was dreading.

"You could always come with me," I said, a coy smile on my lips, I tried not to get my hopes up or let the desperation show in my voice. His face changed, it seemed more distant now, but I was more focused on his thumb gently rubbing the back of my hand lightly. The familiar quickened pulse and turning stomach, making me smile as if I had gallons of adrenaline rushing through my veins. God, I loved him.

"June, you know I can't. I have my family and things are good, the band is here and we're going places. Why don't you just stay?! Please, stay for me," He whispered bringing his forehead to mine. As if his thoughts and feelings could be transfered into me by the action. I took a deep breath, smelling the familiar mustiness and soap he'd used forever, mixed with the faint scent of cigarettes. I loved that scent.

"John, you know I can't. I can't stay here, not with my mother drugged out all the time and God I need to leave Arizona. I need to go where no one knows my name or who I am," I smiled after planting a kiss on his cheek. His arms were now tightly around my waist, our bodies pressed together so desperately.

"Stay with me, come on tour with me! Please, June, don't leave... I-," John said, a warm droplet tumbled down my frozen cheek sending chills down my spine. The tear wasn't mine.

"John, I-I can't," My breath was stolen from me as his lips pressed up to mine, they were hard, but not forceful. I closed my eyes tight and threw my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. His tongue traced my bottom lip and I opened my mouth, John hungrily kissed me, until he suddenly stopped looking me dead in the eye.

"Please stay," John begged. His fingers gingerly traced the side of my face. I was intimidated from the intensity of the moment. Both of us staring into each other so desperate for what we both wanted, which wasn't the same thing. Someone had to lose. Or both of us lost I suppose.

"I'll miss you John," I smiled planting a simple kiss on his lips. I took my hand from off his cheek and grabbed my last suitcase from the porch of his house, where I had spent the night. Our first and last night together. It was odd, to love someone and leave. John nodded, his head hanging in defeat, but taking the suitcase from me. Ever the gentleman, I loved that about him.

The slam of the trunk could've waken the whole neighborhood, John took his frustration out on my packed up Jeep Cherokee, the white color turned cream from dirt. He wiped his tiny tears away with the back of his hand and turned to me, planting a kiss, as if it was one last argument to make me stay. It was a good one, but something inside of me was stubborn and stronger than my love for John. The sunrise began creeping on the horizon, the sky had streaks of orange spread across the night sky turning to day.

"Can you at least call me when you get there?" John said walking me to the drivers side door. His hands shoved in his pocket, towering over me again. I bit my lip, I honestly didn't know where I was going.

"How about I'll call you every time I see something completely beautiful and amazing? Come find me whenever you can feel I'm somewhere near," I smiled kissing John once more. He seemed confused by this notion, he grabbed my wrist as I started to sit down in the car.

"What do you mean when I feel you're near?" John asked, his eyebrows furrowed. I smiled, getting out of the car and getting close to him, he wrapped his arms around me and I felt my insides drop in the best way. I pressed my forehead to his and his grip got even tighter around me.

"Do you feel that?" I asked, my lips lightly speaking on top of his. He nodded lightly, both of us opening our eyes and looking at each other. "Whenever you feel me, find me. Call me, text me whatever. Go with your guts O'Callaghan," I smiled pressing my lips to his once more, not completely convinced it would be the last time we ever kissed. "See you on the West Coast," I winked at him and climbed into my car. I shut the door quickly, he laughed and shook his head. I drove off towards my first destination, the Pacific Ocean, I glanced in my rearview mirror, looking at John as a silhouette in the sunrise and finally let the tears slide down my cheek. I had no idea goodbye would hurt that bad, but I suppose the instinct to always move, always run kept me going. Kept me headed west and my foot on the gas.