He Smiled at Me, Said "Just Pretend".

I saw him today,
He was just walking through the park, on his own. I have never seen anybody act like he does. I see him so often, yet he always looks alone, he looks lost. I find it strange. I don't know why but he seems to draw me in.
The way that his jeans hang around his hips, the way that his shoes are always untied, the way he has a lopsided grin on him face, like he knows something he shouldn't, and isn't telling you. The way his blond hair flops around his face, highlighting his perfect blue eyes. The way he never seemed to look at anyone, or anything. The way his walk seems to walk so slow, yet he moved so fast.

My heart skips a beat every time i see him, yet i have never spoke to him. He has never looked at me, though i am almost certain that he knows i am looking at him. this was around the eighth time i had saw him. And, like him, every time i saw him i was alone. I felt vulnerable each time. I didn't know what to do, so i stared instead.
I knew nothing about him, his age... around nineteen i would guess. Though he had a childish look about him.

Today i was sat on a bench, eating my dinner that i had bought from the corner shop, when i saw him. He walked through the gate to the park and walked straight past me. When he was around 20 ft from me i stood up, tossed the remainder of my lunch in the bin, and began slowly following in his steps.
I didn't plan to talk to him, or even to approach him. Just to walk behind him for a while.
He smelled like summer mornings. I know it's that's an awful way to describe someone, but he did. It was like i had just woke up and remembered that there was no school, no rush, no reason to get up. When you walk over to the window and smell the air, taking everything in. And you just feel pure happiness.

I followed him to the end of the road and then turned and walked the other way. I cautiously turned my head when i was sure he couldn't see me and watched him walk away from me. I took in his beauty, his scent, his smile. I may not see him for a while. Though i seem be seeing him rather a lot lately.
I remember the first time i saw him. I was walking home from school and i just saw him from across the road, the same battered converse, the same look on his face that he had just a few minutes ago when he was walking past me. That was around six months ago.
The first two months after that i only saw him twice. But after that i saw him a little more. Every two weeks, ever week. Now i seem to be seeing him every couple of days. It's strange, like i'm being drawn towards him.

I've told nobody about him. As far as i can tell me friends have never seen him. It;s like he was my little secret. There wouldn't be much to tell anyway. I had never actually talked to him, and i wasn't a little kid any more. I don't tell my friends every time i see a boy i like.
I had dreamed about him a few times. Nothing in particular, just like reality. I just saw him. Sometimes just standing on street corners, looking at nothing. Sometimes just walking past. But he had never looked at me, in reality or my dreams. It was strange.
I wandered home and spent the rest of the day pretty normally. It was a Tuesday of a half term, though i was finishing school in less than six months. I got in, ran a bath, did my art coursework, watched some tv, went to bed.
That was the story of my life. Normality. Boredom. I was so painfully average that it angered me. I wish i could be beautiful. Have perfect skin, piercing blue eyes, a breathtaking smile. But this could not be further away from the truth. I had an average body for a sixteen year old, though was rather skinny from my age. My skin was pretty clear, though was rather pale and dotted with small brown freckles. My eyes where a dull shade of blue/gray that didn't stand out a lot. My hair was naturally a light shade of brown but had been but, dyed and bleached so much in a (failed) attempt to make myself interesting that it now lay weak and thin, layered just past my shoulders and was currently a dark brown/black shade. I was attempting to avoid dying it for the time being. It's enough of a frazzled rat's nest as it is.
I eventually snuggled into bed in an old t-shirt and my underwear at around 1.00 am. There was a raging thunder storm outside. I had always been unsettled by thunder, i hated the lightning. I had almost got struck by it when i was eleven years old, ever since then i had been afraid of it. I tossed and turned until around three AM and i dreamed of the blond beauty. But this one was different, not like the others.
It started of normally. I was walking down a busy road in the hear of Manchester and as usual he was there, just outside of starbucks but he was smiling at me. Looking directly at me. He walked over to me and whispered into me ear " Just pretend".

And then i woke up. I woke up shaking and slightly sweating, i didn't know what the dream meant, probably nothing in particular. I looked at the clock on my phone. 5.30 am. I was a little shook up and didn't think i could get back to sleep for a while. In the end i ended up putting the mighty boosh on and attempting to get back to sleep. Julian barratt's voice always calmed me.