He Smiled at Me, Said "Just Pretend".

The next couple of hours just didn't seem real to me, when the ambulance came i was just sat in another room, not crying, not screaming...nothing.
I came in the ambulance, i didn't have much option did i? I needed to know that he was okay. I felt like it was my fault. I don't know why, but i did. i was there, i probably shouldn't of came. I should have rung the ambulance and ran, as far as i could, in the opposite direction. But i just couldn't. In the ambulance they ran endless tests on Vince, whilst he lay lifeless on a bed. I didn't know what to do or say. I was still so angry.
He had lied to me.
But he needed help.
Did he?
But somehow, in the back of my mind i knew it didn't matter. Because i wanted him. Last night was the best night of my life.
I couldn't leave him now, it was clear he was in a bad place. He didn't need anything else on top of whatever other shit that he had going on. And it better be shit. Cause if he wasn't already in it, he would be.
Maybe i could talk to him, just as a friend? and try not to stare in his eyes and feel ill everytime he spoke and resist the urge to jump on him.
Then i thought, what if he didn't make it. There was no real guarantee that he would be fine.If he wasn't... i wasn't so sure what i would do. My friends would have no doubt fallen out with me for not speaking to them and ignoring their calls.
I was sat in the waiting room, finally crying, but not stopping, when a woman walked over to me.
" Cocaine." she said in a kind of apologetic voice. I didn't know what she was apologizing for, she had done nothing, but i suppose that she was just trying to reassure me, she put an arm around my shoulder, but this just made me sob a little harder. I don't know why, as i pointed out to myself many times already this morning, i didn't know him. but i had a habit of getting emotionally attached to people way too easily.
I suppose in a way i knew he was lying when i first saw him led there. But i didn't wan't those thoughts to come to the front of my mind. It was actually the last thing i wanted to think.
" He will be fine." she told me.
I didn't know weather to believe her or not. But after earlier i didn't know if i wanted to...
I eventually fell asleep on the chairs. Without any dreams or disturbances. It felt awfull to say, but it was the best sleep i'd had for a long time.