Heart of Gold
January 14th
January 14th (Three Months)
Chapter One
I stared into his gorgeous green eyes as he stared back into my blue ones. The sun was just about to rise. We could hear the waves crashing against the shore a little ways away. There was one blanket below us, resting above the fine sand, and one above us shielding our naked bodies from the sleeping world. Zacky slowly reached over to cup my cheek, and then brought his lips to my ear.
"I just wanted to tell you I love you know matter what. This is forever Hannah." He whispered and softly kissed my lips.
That's when the annoying buzzer of my alarm clock woke me up. I sprang forward and clutched my stomach. Three months, it had been three months since that damn condom broke, but only one and a half months of not being held in his arms. His emerald green eyes are fried into my memory. Everything about him is tattooed into my heart: his smile, his pierced lips, his tattooed arms, his scent, and his eyes. Most importantly the way he held me, and kissed me; told me it was for forever. It all came crashing down two months ago when I first saw that little pink plus sign on a stick.
It’s been three months, three months of doubt, hurt, depression, but I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I know what kind of man Zacky is now. He’s not ready for a baby, might never be ready. Almost two months ago I told him I was pregnant, and the first thing he suggested was an abortion. There was no way in hell I was going to kill my baby! I Love Zacky don’t get me wrong. I will always love Zacky, but if I can’t have him with me forever the least I can do is have his baby. This baby that I’m carrying is part of him, whether he wants it to be or not.
I hope it will have his green eyes, and that smile that I love, and his dark, lush hair. I hope it looks a lot like him. However I don’t know how I would be able to handle it if this little baby is exactly like its father. I don’t know what will happen when the baby first says “daddy,” or asks when it’s going to meet its father. However it’s not even born yet so I won’t have to worry about that much, for now.
I turned to my clock only to realize I was five minutes late and still needed to take a shower and get dressed and ready for my doctor’s appointment. I hurriedly took a shower, brushed out my hair, and got dressed before heading out the door with my car keys and wallet.
Ten minutes later I was at the hospital with only two minutes to wait for the doctor to take me in. Not one minute later a nurse dressed in blue scrubs called my name, “Hannah Smith the doctor will see you now.”
I followed the nurse into the small room, “So take your clothes off and change into this,” she tossed a cover gown onto the counter, “and the doctor should be in to see you in a couple minutes.”
“Thank you” I said softly and then she left with a small smile.
After I had changed and went to lie down on the small patient cot; the doctor came in a couple moments later.
“So you’re here for an ultra sound, how come you had to reschedule?” Mrs. Tucker asked.
“My mother got sick and I had to stay with her for a week or so.”
“Ah, so is she better now?”
“Yes she’s fine now.”
She opened a bottle of blue gooey stuff. I wasn’t quite sure what it was called, but I knew they used it to see the baby. “Do you want to know the sex?” she asked as she moved the ultra sound stick across the blue goo so it was spread across my lower stomach. I didn’t have a bump yet, but that didn’t stop me from being somewhat excited for the picture of my baby on the monitor to appear.
“Yes of course I want to know the sex…only if it’s not too early though. I can wait.”
“Sometimes it’s a bit too early but if the baby’s in a good angle then we might be able to tell.” She started to move the stick around, trying to find a good picture. “Well unfortunately we can’t see the sex but here,” she pointed towards the screen, “is the head, arms, and legs.”
I stared in amazement at my baby; the baby Zacky and I had created. I wish he was here with me, looking at our baby girl, or boy. I wish everything was okay with us, and that he wanted to father his baby. I wish we were older when this happened, more stable, wiser, even a more convenient time. Instead it wasn’t, I was only eighteen and he was almost twenty trying to make his career take off. He chose his music life over his family. I, of course, wasn’t really his family, but in a way we were family. We were really close, and had been in a serious relationship for three years before this happened. Things don’t always happen the way you wish they would, so instead of crying about the “What ifs…” I’ll plan for the “What wills…”
Chapter One
I stared into his gorgeous green eyes as he stared back into my blue ones. The sun was just about to rise. We could hear the waves crashing against the shore a little ways away. There was one blanket below us, resting above the fine sand, and one above us shielding our naked bodies from the sleeping world. Zacky slowly reached over to cup my cheek, and then brought his lips to my ear.
"I just wanted to tell you I love you know matter what. This is forever Hannah." He whispered and softly kissed my lips.
That's when the annoying buzzer of my alarm clock woke me up. I sprang forward and clutched my stomach. Three months, it had been three months since that damn condom broke, but only one and a half months of not being held in his arms. His emerald green eyes are fried into my memory. Everything about him is tattooed into my heart: his smile, his pierced lips, his tattooed arms, his scent, and his eyes. Most importantly the way he held me, and kissed me; told me it was for forever. It all came crashing down two months ago when I first saw that little pink plus sign on a stick.
It’s been three months, three months of doubt, hurt, depression, but I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I know what kind of man Zacky is now. He’s not ready for a baby, might never be ready. Almost two months ago I told him I was pregnant, and the first thing he suggested was an abortion. There was no way in hell I was going to kill my baby! I Love Zacky don’t get me wrong. I will always love Zacky, but if I can’t have him with me forever the least I can do is have his baby. This baby that I’m carrying is part of him, whether he wants it to be or not.
I hope it will have his green eyes, and that smile that I love, and his dark, lush hair. I hope it looks a lot like him. However I don’t know how I would be able to handle it if this little baby is exactly like its father. I don’t know what will happen when the baby first says “daddy,” or asks when it’s going to meet its father. However it’s not even born yet so I won’t have to worry about that much, for now.
I turned to my clock only to realize I was five minutes late and still needed to take a shower and get dressed and ready for my doctor’s appointment. I hurriedly took a shower, brushed out my hair, and got dressed before heading out the door with my car keys and wallet.
Ten minutes later I was at the hospital with only two minutes to wait for the doctor to take me in. Not one minute later a nurse dressed in blue scrubs called my name, “Hannah Smith the doctor will see you now.”
I followed the nurse into the small room, “So take your clothes off and change into this,” she tossed a cover gown onto the counter, “and the doctor should be in to see you in a couple minutes.”
“Thank you” I said softly and then she left with a small smile.
After I had changed and went to lie down on the small patient cot; the doctor came in a couple moments later.
“So you’re here for an ultra sound, how come you had to reschedule?” Mrs. Tucker asked.
“My mother got sick and I had to stay with her for a week or so.”
“Ah, so is she better now?”
“Yes she’s fine now.”
She opened a bottle of blue gooey stuff. I wasn’t quite sure what it was called, but I knew they used it to see the baby. “Do you want to know the sex?” she asked as she moved the ultra sound stick across the blue goo so it was spread across my lower stomach. I didn’t have a bump yet, but that didn’t stop me from being somewhat excited for the picture of my baby on the monitor to appear.
“Yes of course I want to know the sex…only if it’s not too early though. I can wait.”
“Sometimes it’s a bit too early but if the baby’s in a good angle then we might be able to tell.” She started to move the stick around, trying to find a good picture. “Well unfortunately we can’t see the sex but here,” she pointed towards the screen, “is the head, arms, and legs.”
I stared in amazement at my baby; the baby Zacky and I had created. I wish he was here with me, looking at our baby girl, or boy. I wish everything was okay with us, and that he wanted to father his baby. I wish we were older when this happened, more stable, wiser, even a more convenient time. Instead it wasn’t, I was only eighteen and he was almost twenty trying to make his career take off. He chose his music life over his family. I, of course, wasn’t really his family, but in a way we were family. We were really close, and had been in a serious relationship for three years before this happened. Things don’t always happen the way you wish they would, so instead of crying about the “What ifs…” I’ll plan for the “What wills…”