Tell Me You're Okay

It’s been almost a year since the accident. Patrick’s been doing better. Pete, on the other hand, hasn’t been doing too well at all. He’s a mess, anyone with eyes knows that. And the only thing Patrick wants is to be with Pete and comfort him to tell him it’s okay, that he’s okay.

But that’s also one of the few things he can’t do.

It was a stormy winter night and they were on their way to their next show. Everyone was asleep in the van, while Pete was driving. He was sipping on his coffee when all of a sudden the van starts skidding. Pete drops his coffee, hissing as the hot drink scolds his leg and tries to get control of the van by doing the one thing no one should do when they hit black ice; slam on the breaks, which causes the van to slide off the road and into the trees that were along side it.

Everyone awakens on impact and exits the wreaked van. There’s some muttered curses and annoyed glances in Pete’s direction, and if he was being honest with himself, he deserved it. As he looked around he noticed someone was missing, Patrick. He ran back to the van and frantically searched the rows of seats, until he found Patrick unconscious with shattered glass on his clothes and some shards stuck in his skin.

“Patrick?” Pete barely whispers. He wants this to not be real. He could handle everyone blaming him, at that point everyone was okay, no damage done besides the van wreckage. But now seeing Patrick, in the back of the van showing no signs of life, tears him to shreds. “Patrick?” He says a little louder. He climbs inside the van, making his way into the back row, avoiding the shattered glass. “Patrick!” He’s shouting now, he needs everything to be okay, he needs Patrick to be okay. He hears Andy and Chris’ murmurs outside the van and tries to ignore what they’re saying. He reaches out towards Patrick’s arm, not checking for a pulse because he does not want this to be final. Checking for a pulse would make it final and confirm his greatest fear. Instead he shakes Patrick’s shoulder and says his name over and over again like it’s a prayer, which, in some ways it is. One of ”please, please be okay,”’s and ”no, no, no,”’s.

Pete doesn’t even notice he’s crying until he sees a drop land on Patrick’s wrist. He shakily moves his fingers towards Patrick’s wrist and places his thumb over the veins. Pete’s squeezing his eyes tight and biting his lip when he hears Andy saying his name. Pete opens his eyes and turns towards him. Andy has a look of sorrow on his face, because he knows and he holds his hand out to Pete to help him out of the van. Pete turns back to Patrick, waiting for any show of movement just to be sure.

Everything that happens after that is just a blur to him. The ambulances and the tow truck, the sight of the paramedic’s extracting Patrick’s lifeless body from the van, the phone call to his parents asking him to come out to wherever they are to pick him up, the sleepless night’s leading up to Patrick’s funeral and the day of. They all seem clouded and dazed, like they’re not real. Except they are and Pete hates that more than anything. He hates himself for ignoring one of the most important rules of driving on black ice, he hates seeing Mr. and Mrs. Stumph’s wretched faces at the funeral. They shouldn’t be at their son’s funeral; it’s not supposed to be like that. And it’s all Pete’s fault.

Pete stays with Mr. and Mrs. Stumph and does his best to comfort them. He holds Mrs. Stumph as they share their tears. Soon the three of them, Andy and Joe are the only one’s left at the burial site. Andy and Joe tell Pete to come with them to let Patrick’s Parents have some time alone and the only thing Pete can do is listen.

Since that day Patrick’s kept his eye on his family and friends from above. He can never return to be with them and tell them that he’s safe and he’s okay up in heaven. All he can do is watch. He does hear Pete sometimes, he hears apologies and questions about how Patrick is doing. Pete knows that there won’t be an answer, but every time Patrick hears Pete he tries to let him know, in one way or another, that he has heard him.