Once Again

”X, y, and z.” I thought, sighing, trying to come down from my high. Going over the alphabet helps to keep myself in control when I’m on one of my many binges.

“Ezra!” A voice pierced through the loudness of the party.

I peered over my shoulder, noticing a guy much taller than I. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay? You almost fell on your face.” He shouted over the music, holding onto my shoulder.

I studied him, trying to decipher the contours of his face through my glazed over eyes. He was familiar to me, but it’s hard to tell. I go through so many boys it’s hard to tell who I have already been with.

“I’m f-fine.” I slurred plastering a smile. I could feel the crystal starting to take over, but she won’t win this one.

”A, b, c, d, e…”

He smirked, grabbing a hold of my hand. “You don’t know who I am, do you?”

I chuckled at the question. How many guys have said that to me? “You would think I’d remember a face like yours.“ My body began to shake, and I grabbed a fistful of his shirt. “You wanna dance?”

He didn’t exactly reply, but dragged me into the depths of the crowd. I was beginning to wonder if this was just going to be another hook up, like any other day of the week. I knew all too well that it was.

It didn’t take long until we were into the groove of things. We were back against chest, my ass in his groin. He held onto my hips, thrusting against the fabric of my jeans. This was the same old routine, yet there was something about the way he held me that was all too familiar.

I turned around in his arms, swiveling my hips against his. He was well past excited, and so was I. He bit his bottom lip, almost as if he were holding back a cry. The thought of what I was doing to him gave me a different kind of high.

I stared into his deep emerald eyes, trying to put a name to his face. My mind was blank; he must be an average Joe.

He ran his hands up and under my shirt, pulling me even closer to him, as if that were even possible. Then he stopped, almost at the same time the song ended and something slow came on. With a generous smile, I eased away from him, slipping through the crowd. I made it through the back entrance into an alley. This is usually what happens with guys like these. We dance, I escape without a word, and then they follow. Eventually we make it back to their place and I’m sure you know what happens next.

”M, n, o, p, q…”

I dug into my pockets searching for the half-smoked bud I scored earlier. Drugs can make these kinds of deals go by faster, makes it less of a bad thing because by morning I hardly remember who or what I just did.

The door flew open, and out came the boy. “Why’d you leave?”

He stood in front of me, confused. He must be new to this. “You’ve never done this before, huh?” I inhaled on the blunt, blowing smoke out through my nose.

“I’m afraid not.” He smirked, slipping his hand into mine. “I could’ve gone for one more dance.”

He is cuter then all the guys I had been with. Way out of my league, so why is he here with me? You would think a guy like him would have been snagged already. On the other hand, maybe that’s just the case. “My place is just around the corner.” I said, dragging him in that direction.

I teased him along the way to my apartment, enticing tonight’s future actions. I unlocked the door, shoving him into my home. I didn’t bother with the lights, just dragged him down the hall to my room. Switching on a lamp on my bedside table, I took one glance at this guy, and suddenly felt what I was doing was ultimately wrong. Nonetheless, it’s my job.

I moved over to him, pressing my chest against his. “Just tell me how you want it.” I purred.

With heavy breathing, he licked his lips. “I-I don’t know. It’s been so long.”

“I’ll guide you.” I smirked, knocking him back onto my bed. “Just relax.” I peeled off his shirt, and undid his pants. Two seconds later, we were both clad in our boxers.

Trembling under my touch, I toyed with his undergarments. Squirming and writhing in excitement, I pulled them off, playing with the rising member before me. I knew how to work guys like this. Tease them with all you’ve got.

I slipped out of my final restriction, throwing the boxers clear across the room. I went down on him, licking every inch there was to his dick.

“Ezra,” He moaned, then sat up abruptly. “Stop it!”

I rocked back onto the balls of my feet, my head tilted to one side. “What?”

“I didn’t come here for this!” He breathed.

“Then why the fuck did you let me get that far?” I spat, while getting off the bed to put my clothes back on.

“I needed to find you again, Ezzy.” He half whispered.

I stopped in my tracks, every letter of the alphabet repeating over and over again. I haven’t been called Ezzy since I was in high school. Since I was last with that boy.

”W, x, y, and z…”

And just like that every memory I tried to get rid of came crashing down around me. I fell to the fell floor in a tidal wave of emotions. I didn’t fight against the tears that were falling ridiculously from eyes. I looked up through the fringe of my bang, to look at the naked person on my bed. After all these years he left me to rot in my own personal hell, he had the nerve to come back?

“Tommy?” I questioned, pressing my back against the wall, trying to hold a grip on the floor.

He whipped his head up to look at me, “You remember?”

“W-why?” I breathed out, “Why d-did you come back?”

He wrapped a sheet around his waist, and sat on the floor beside me. “Because I realized I couldn’t function without you in my life.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, holding my tongue for all the things I could be saying right now. You see, Tommy was my everything. I lived for him, gave everything up for him. Not once did I ever imagine being left behind in a corner, certainly not from him.

“And you figured that because I’m always so god damn vulnerable that you can just come back into my life and I’ll just forget everything that happened?” I spat, not once taking my gaze off the hardwood floor.

He didn’t say one word; the only noise filling the room was my sobbing. I no longer knew what to say. No amount of drugs could ever turn this moment into something other than what it already was. I peeked a glance at Tommy, whose head was slung over, tears falling into the sheet over his legs.

“Ez, we all deserve a second chance.” He finally said, breaking the silence, along with my thoughts.

“What would posses you to think that I could ever forgive you and what you did to me?” I said turning to glare at him.

“I’m not asking for forgiveness!” He shouted, grabbing my face to look at him. “I just want you back in my life.”

I pulled away from him; those god damned tears just free falling. “I’m not putting myself through all that pain again. Who’s to say that you won’t up and leave me again?” I cried.

“Because I changed. You changed. Things are different now. Where is your family now? Gone, they weren’t before. They were still fighting for you then. Everything is different now.”

I clasped my hands over my ears, trying to block out the words spilling out from his mouth. “A, b, c, d, e…” I shouted over his rambling about us being together. I needed him to disappear again to put me back in my almost perfect world.

“Stop it!” He yelled, pulling my hands from my ears. “Ezra, please!”

“L, m, n, o, p…” I cried only to be met with the warmth of his lips.

“I love you, doesn’t that matter?” He whispered, hot on my face.

“It does,” I whimpered. “I’m afraid, Tommy.”

“You don’t have to be anymore. I came back for you, which has to mean something, right?”

“You shouldn’t have come back.” I said, hardly audible.

“But I needed to come back. I needed you back.” He said catching my gaze.

Staring into those dark green eyes, I could literally feel myself breaking. Everything I worked on for all these years just torn down because I can’t say no to the things I love. You would think after going through all the pain I endured that I would have kicked him out, told him I didn’t need him anymore. But, that would be too easy for me. No one takes the easy way out, especially not someone deteriorating from the amount drugs and pain I’ve taken. Just like that I was offering myself to him once again.

“Tommy?” I whispered.

“Yeah?” He answered, nearly defeated.

“Don’t you ever leave me again.”