Arches

I'm home, safe in my bed, wondering, and have been wondering ever since Ryan hung up the phone last night, if William was safe in his bed, at home. It's all o can do to stop my anxiety, as I drag myself from my over bearing bed, slinkying myself towards my window, and pulling back the blinds to be met by the beautiful sun. I had never seen a more precious gift from God.

Of course that thought is cut short when I noticed the hunched figure on my parents front lawn...

And the more I despair, the more I recognize that epicene body type wrapped up in an obnoxiously bright yellow beautifully tight t shirt, and the grotesquely long fingers that tangle themselves within artificially grown grass.

Williams laying on my front lawn.

It didn't feel like my feet were moving, and I did t notice my panic until I was at his side, bare feet chilled by the morning dew. Oh my goodness, what if he's dead! That thought quickly disintegrates though when I hear his soft groans, the once so beautiful sun now obnoxiously assaulting my eyes, and Williams.

" I'm on your lawn... Aren't I?" His eyes weren't open but he was clearly awake. " Uh-huh..." Is all I can think to say. " Wanna carry me inside?" It's a whine, though the smile on his face isn't winning him any favors. " In your alcohol induced dreams." That's when the smile goes away and I help him to his feet, shaky at first, stiff from sleeping on my families lawn.

We sneak into my house through the back door, it's only about 8:30, my father already at work, and mom at an early bible study with my youngest sister. And it's not much trouble sneaking past Graces room, since she's usually just ending her Cello practicing about now. It feels too easy once I've gotten William into my room, the moment we sit down on my bed he complains of a headache. It only seemed reasonable to fetch him some ibuprofen from the bathroom, when I get back to my room Will's on my bed in the same place, now wearing one of my summer camp hoodies, little yellow short discarded to the floor.

I'm to blind sided by the whole situation to let it bother me though, and I just sit myself beside him.

"'Im happy you're safe." I kind of just blurt it out, and I really have no need to be worried when William turns around and hugs me, but it still sends an unfamiliar jolt up my spine. It makes me feel happy. " I'm happy I'm here; with you..." It was awkward, and it caused me to raise a single arched eyebrow, a look that my mother said belongs to the devil. " Why?" The words got tangled in Williams awfully long hair when he rests his head against my shoulder, and I can't help but notice how lovely he smells.

Like rain, and love.

" Because you're an amazing beautiful person Bren... And if anyone ever tells you other wise, I'll rip the faces off and we can roast them up and eat them together-" It was just so bizarre and outlandish though I had to exclaim, "Why?"

William laughs at my outburst, " Because I'm a flamer Bren', and friendship is two pals munching on a well cooked face together." His eyes are soft and brown as he looks on at me, William has what my mothers calls 'honest eyes', like he looks like he could do no wrong.

I'm suddenly realizing what he said though, looking to him in alarm and stating rapidly, " Why are you on fire? Y-you don't have to be so graphic-" Because he didn't look like he was in any danger of burning alive, no spontaneous combustion, and what an awful way to leave the world, the element of the devil, forever burning...

" No Bren', it means I'm- well it's another term for-" He stops to think, is careful of what he says, " It just means I'm, G-A-Y..." A whisper never sounded so loud, with his legs crossed over mine, propping himself up with his scrawny arms, just LOOKING at me.

I can't look back, can't meet his eyes, that word, just, William. I don't know why it's so hard for me, but I'd never face my fears if it meant letting William win, letting him think this abomination was alright...

" Have you ever kissed a boy, Brendon?" The way he said my name reminded me of him , with his long hand placed on my thigh, like life or death to me. My head tilts up blindly but my eyes stay down and out, as far away as possible as his gentle smile burned into my brain, his sinful hands sliding up my bare skin.

Too far too far too far-

His breath on mine is suffocating.

Too close too close too close-

My body stills like death when his lips press to mine.

Soft, gentle, way too fucking lovely.

William drums his fingers against my skin, in a charmingly feeble attempt at soothing my freakshow insides. They weren't butterflies anymore, they were swarms and swarms of locusts, all the plagues of God reigning down on me, I wouldn't admit tothe goosebumps erupting over my untouched flesh, because they seems far more like pestilent boils.

As soon as my sense over comes this devils advocate, I shove William away, I stand, belittled, reduced, and shaking. All I can do is lie through my teeth. " You're disgusting-" William stands also, brows furrowed and far to sad for his angelic ugly face.

" Brendon, please- I'm sorry!" I don't know why he always chose to lie to me."'No,'just- Leave, please just get out." And I can't even look at him, because I'm afraid he might know that I liked it .I'm so ashamed, and as William flees my room, disappearing down the hall, all I can bring myself to do is fall to my bed, and burry my face in my bright white pillow.

I, I kissed him, Oh God. I kissed him and it wasn't far from the best thing I've ever felt... But I think about it, and my stomach rolls, my throat burns at the contents trying to climb up it, I fear I may be sick, but a bright object catches my attention first, dulls the horrid realization, and brings on a whole new one.

The shirt, yellow contrasting against the white of my walls almost like a halo...

I think back to seeing it on William, I remember hating the collar, it was this obscenely low cut v neck, that showed off Williams hairless chest like he wished he had breasts or something. He didn't have anything to flaunt, it still looked awfully nice on him though . I Pluck it from the ground, rolling the thin fabric between my finger, it was nearly see through, it hugged his body like sin. I look tothe mirror hanging on my wall, provoking my vanity as I shed my baggy tshirt to slip the yellow over my milky skin.

I all but stare at my self, Ive never even held a piece of clothing like this, let alone wore it. I twisted my body in the mirror, pursing my lips, tensing my face in certain ways to appear more attractive. I turned my back to my reflection so I could see over my shoulder, a view of my body I wasn't entirely use to. My hands felt heavy as I moved them to my hips, and I gasp when my boxers hit the carpeted floor. I wouldn't dare look at myself like this, and I'm dis Jared with myself as I fawn over the curve of my hips, spine dipping just before the protrusion of my full backside.

I bite my lip, hands sliding over my sides, down over my hips and coming to rest on my thighs. What am I doing?

Realizing how good you look.

My stomach feels tight, a feeling I can honestly say I've never felt before.

It's called being sexually aroused, dumbass.

My hand moves on it's own accord as I fall back against my bed, I gasp out soundlessly, my eyes flutter shut. I'm shamefully touching myself, I'm making sounds that imply so much more than innocent curiosity, and my mind is so full, so foggy. I feel so light headed, and just when I think my hearts going to give, this feeling of absolute relief washes over me, I feels so fucking amazing disgusting. I suddenly feel exhausted...

I fall asleep restlessly to the scent of rain and love.

I wonder if that's what heaven smells like...

Heaven smells like Williams shirt.