Arches

so I've been sitting in his room for over an hour now the high deteriorating , my limbs tangled in the mess of sheets. How could I let it all go this far? My body is throbbing slightly and my heads pounding like someone took a hammer to it.

I watch him dress slowly my eyes full of tears,he glances back at me and rolls his eyes. 'Stop being a baby, it's just sex for fuck sakes ...' He grabs a lighter and smoke from the side table, he lights it up and takes a long drag.'i'm going out to grab a two sixth,' he gets up and leaves I wait until I hear the door close before I let one tear fall.

So here I am still wrapped up in his Fucking sheets , I just wanna scream not only Am i in god damn pain but I'm without anything what so ever.It's like he thinks I'm disposable it's like I'm a mother Fucking toy , and I slept with him....I DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM!!! But one little hit of coke and I'm all ready in bed with the guy. It's like he Fucking planned for this shit, like he wants me to be like a tissue !

I don't deserve that shit no sir like fuck that, I.... My rant is interrupted by loud shouting and a sudden banging against the wall. Cureious I get up clutching the sheet to my body ever so quietly I poke my head out the door, I see brendon and Ryan lips locked oh my god... I quietly close the door and get back onto the bed, i guess brens not as straight edge as I thought.

I contemplate rubbing it in his face later but I decide that it wouldn't be the best idea ever , but then again how many of those have I had lately? Again I slept with a guy I don't like after he gave me drugs , I fought and hit my mother got kicked out; oh yeah I'm full of good ideas.....

Sometimes I wanna take myself and hit me with a car then proceed to drown, strangle, feed into a wood chipper and then feed the Mulch to pigs.... It's now I realize I'm twitching I really hope it's the drugs.I hate me so much right now gah the next step is prostatution , fucking random dudes for drugs and cash in the back of their cars while their wives think their at work late.

Then I'll become a stripper and do coke of some random guys ass while they inject shit between my toes, then I'll fucking loose it and get a sex chane; call myself candy and if I'm lucky some crazy fucker will make me his trophy wife then I'll get more plastic surgery and die from botulism poison. And I won't have kids because I'll probably fuck that up too!

My daughter would have that whole 'fuck you daddy' attitude so she'd date a guy , and the moment I say that's good she'd dump him and date a girl then when I said I was fine with it , she'd date a guy and chick at the same time. And knowing my luck my son would turn into a cereal rapist murderer....

I don't even wanna think about it , and thanks to the door opening up I don't get the chance to. When I look up I see Ryan pressing brendon back against the pealing bedroom door. "Ummm...." both stop and Bren looks at me with a horrifyingly shocked realizeation fir only a moment befor running off. Oh shit....

For a moment it's silent between Ryan and I before be speaks up, " so how long did it take you to hop into bed?" And he was wearing this smile on his face that just begged to be inverted. More of a smirk really.

All I can do is stare at him incredulously , " Excuse? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Ryan laughs this ubnoxious sound, baring his oddly nice teeth as he spoke and smirked at the SAME TIME! " Don't play pretend, your just a spoiled rich bitch looking for some lane excuse to piss off your loving parents," He circles me, " Are you just bitter because I have people that give a damn about me? What do you have Ryan, a deadbeat fucking lifestyle-" He recoils at my words.

" All you have are others happy lives. You take those families from people, force them to alienate themselves so YOU don't feel so alone?" I take a breath, watching the inevitable despise crack across his face. " Big fucking man, Ryan ." And then I'm done, because somehow it's not worth my time.

Ryan looks me up and down, and I misunderstand his casualness until he's reaching out, fisting the sheets wrapped around my bare body and tearing them away from me. I instinctively fall in on myself, but it doesn't help much and I'm left standing there, completely open to his eyes.

I just glare until Ryan pulls off his hoodie, throwing it at my feet before growling, " Get dressed, and get the fuck out." And once again I'm left in that damn room alone.

Now I really have nowhere to go...