Arches

I can't even began to explain my relief as I sit at the front of my biology class the next morning. Filled with a procrastinators dream of nonchalance as loads of worksheets are piled onto me desk. I missed this.

The teachers bored drawl as he teaches a subject so outof date it makes Madam Curie roll in her grave, the squealing of teenage girls at the thought of dissections. And the best part?

No Ryan.

I love school. I love the focus, love the commitment demanded by school boards and there stuffy bearded professors.

It's a beautiful thing, because God loves a keen learner.

I actually felt much better from yesterday. I felt like I had gone off the tracks, knew I had failed, nothing but a momentary lapse in control, but now, I feel rejuvenated. I'm let down when the work ceases and the bell for lunch rings acouple classes later.

I have to find them, I just had to see my friends , had to eat lunch with them, had to talk to them, be around them. I just needed to feed off of there good nature. Ever since Ryan I've been so distracted with my demons, that I had isolated myself so sufficiently from everyone else.

I thought I could be strong by myself, but lately, everything was so confusing, I just needed to be with friends, family, God .

And so when I finally reach our table I cant hold back the smile. I'm just beaming.

I sit, excited, happy.

" Hey guys!" I all but chirp, and I first notice Spencers eyes. He looked uncomfortable, upset?

" Hi, Brendon..." Gretas words are a mere breath and all she'll show me is her long blonde hair hanging infront of her face.

" How's it been going?" I tried to ignore there strange behavior.

I'm answered by an awkward silence, no ones eyes daring to meet mine. What is going on?

" What's up with you guys?" I admit, I did sound a little irritated, bit it's not like I was anything near upset.

I'm once again unanswered. I have no idea what is going on, what could I have possibly done in the last five minutes? I'm contemplating asking what the hell is going on, and when I see Greta looking around nervously from beneath her hair, I finally break.

" What the fuck did I do?" That's when Gretas head snaps up, staring at me wide eyed and absolutely horrified.

" Y-you're not Brendon." She hisses, " The Brendon we know would never talk to anyone like that, the Brendon we know, our Brendon, would never hang around with those people." She stares me down like the firery little future feminist she is.

" What are you talking about?" I really just wanted to hit something.

" I'm talking about your bad choices- your sickness . Brendon I don't even know who you are anymore, ever since Ryan-"

" You know nothing about Him." The mention of his name just made me so outrageously - ugh , she could never understand Ryan, she had no right talking about him. " And what about you Greta? You're so high and fucking mighty because God said so? You're a stupid bitch if that's what you think-" I then see the look on her face go from horrified to outraged.

I watch her gather her things, slamming the chair back as she stood, and shouting before storming off, " I hope you burn, Brendon Urie!" And then I'm watching her stomp into the masses of teenagers.

I look to Spencer helplessly, realizing what I just did. He looks scared, still so uncomfortable. I'm a horrible person.

"'Im still the same, Spence'- You believe me, right?" So pleading, so fucking desperate for exceptance. Slander just looks around nervously, grabbing his things slowly, cautiously, mumbling, " Yeah, Brendon, of course..." Before running off as soon as possible...

Oh God, what have I done.

****^****
I hated home. I hated that house the moment the end of the day came, and I knew I'd have to go back. I ultimately locked myself in my room for the night, I couldn't stop my mind, couldn't stop it's racing, pacing, defacing, of my life.

It was all I could do to crawl into bed when I had finally convinced my parents to let me stay home from youth group,I had even gone as far as lying about throwing up. It worked though, and they begrudgingly left without me, along with Grace and my little sister, Mellany.

It was a poisonous situation.

I was left dwelling on the past week, teetering between hating everyone, or hating myself.

But the moment my mind slipped to Ryan, my heart started pounding. I had no idea what came over me, but before I can stop myself, my thoughts wander. I think of how his mouth felt on mine, about how his strong hands contrasted against my weak body, I wanted to kiss him, wanted his tongue against mine, I really just wanted his tongue everywhere .

I wanted to feel our bodies pressed close, I needed that feeling of powerlessness as he pinned me against the wall, I just fucking needed Him.

My thoughts are cut short though, when I hear a sudden knocking at the front door. I don't want to get up, I especially don't want to get up because of the very apparent issue in my jeans. Something tells meni have to though, so I drag my sorry ass out of my bed, and slump down stairs to the front door, opening it with a hesitant pull, shielding myself from whoever, by hiding behind the door.

As soon as they see me, the door is flying open, and I'm being pushed back against it. Ryans mouth is pressed to mine in a matter of seconds, his tongue tracing my bottom lip, hands rushed and harsh as they practically ripped my shirt from my body. I don't pull away though, I just press back against the door as Ryan starts trailing his mouth down my jaw line, biting lightly at my neck. My breathing is heavy, hands pressed back against the cool door trying to relieve the fire burning in my body.

Ryans sucking at my collar bone, I moan out load like an idiot when he grabs me through my jeans. Ryan smirks against my skin at the reaction, fingers starting to massage through the fabric of my jeans as his mouth left marks across my pale chest.

" I could get any girl like this Bren," His hands move to undo the pants hugging my hips. " Any girl would be so wet by now," His fingers against my hip, dipping lower, lower, lower. " Shed be begging me to fuck her, " I can't stop the moan crawling up my throat when he pushed past my boxers and grabs me, no fucking hesitation at all. " Shed tell me exactly what to do, where to touch, even though I'd already know," His mouth is back at my neck.

" Tell me what to do, baby..." it's whispered against my ear; his calm breaths contrasting with my breathless panting.

" R-Ryan, slide your thumb a-across the- Oh fuck ," I'm a whining pathetic mess beneath him, as his hand quickened,'and I could feel the pressure starting to build up in my core. Ryans pressing his mouth to mine, open and demanding, sliding his thumb across my tip, and I'm fucking seeing stars, moaning his name as I cum against his hand.

Before I can regain my composure though, Ryans pulling his hand from my jeans and grabbing a fistful of my hair, kissing me roughly.When he let's go I just stare t him, wide eyed and breathing heavy.He smirks, admiring what he'd done to me.

I admire his red eyes, the proof of irritation running through his veins, the scratches adorning his arms, and I wonder if all I was to him was a way out.

" Congradulations," That smirk.

" God doesn't even want you now."