It's Worse Than You Think

I can’t believe I told him about me. Of course, ‘about me’ is in reference to my fucked up family that I’d honestly prefer to just forget about for a while. It’s a strange feeling, explaining your life to someone. I didn’t know where to start, and then I felt like I could have gone on forever.

It was different with Blake, because he was there, living it with me.

To hear Zeke tell me about his parents was heartbreaking. I half wanted him to tell me more about himself, and half of me wanted him to stop talking. He doesn’t realize how easy he is to read, because I know he’s not as okay with their deaths as he tries to appear. The way he choked out every word, and couldn’t look directly at me.

I know I have this contempt for both of my parents, but to actually have them both dead? The idea of never hearing their voice or seeing them again, is something I wouldn’t really prefer. I mean, they did raise me. They put a roof over my head. I feel like even with the way I feel about them, I owe them a lot and I would hate for both of them to be gone forever.

I sighed when I realized that my break was over, and had to return inside to actually do my fucking job and deal with a load of shitty people. Maybe this whole time, they’re not the one’s who are shitty, and I’m just really judgmental. Whatever.

I made my way to the front counter, just as someone was walking up. “Hi,” I greeted. “How can I help you?” I think I’m getting phonier and phonier for everyday I work here.

Something about this guy is extremely familiar. I don’t even know what it is, I just feel like I’ve seen him before. Jesus, I should probably stop staring. Hello, welcome to Bridgeport. Before I make your order, can I stare at you for a good minute? Fuck, I don’t want to get fired for freaking out the people who come in here.

“Can I get a plain coffee?” he asked, smirking. For some reason, I had a feeling that he wasn’t smirking at me: that was just his personality.

“Simple, thank God. People don’t order enough of those,” I commented as he handed me the needed money, a smile on my face.

His smirk grew, “I figured. I couldn’t imagine working here. I know how busy it can get.”

“Don’t even imagine it, trust me.”

“I won’t. And thanks,” he added, taking the coffee.

Holy shit. Did I just encounter a decent customer? That’s so rare, I almost feel the need to celebrate or something lame like that. I spun around to enter the kitchen area, only to bump into Finn who was a few feet behind me.

“I see you’ve met my little brother, Max,” Finn said, grinning.

I raised an eyebrow, and whirled around to look out the window only to see Max turning the corner. “He’s your brother?”

“The one and only.”

“Huh,” I murmured, nodding my head, “He’s nice.”

“You must have caught him on a good day. He’s usually a cranky little bastard.”

I laughed, “I can tell you two really admire each other,” I teased, my tone dripping with sarcasm.

“I’m not sure that’s the adjective I’d use, but I love the kid.”

I’ve always wanted a sibling. I would love to have someone I could count on, that was actually blood related to me. I feel like if there was someone else in our family, my father wouldn’t have left because he would have wanted to stay for them.

I don’t think my childhood would have been as lonely.

--

The jingling of the front door bell rang in my ears, and I groaned internally. When I recognized the person as Zeke who was walking through the door, I immediately relaxed. Jesus, was it three o’clock already? He looked great, as always.

“Hello, sir. How may I be of your assistance this afternoon?” I stated, causing him to laugh, and roll his eyes.

“Hi, Marshall. Are you and Finn off yet?”

I nodded just as Finn came up to us. “Hey Zeke!”

He smiled, “Hi, Finn! So, anything exciting to share?”

“I met his brother today,” I spoke up, “Max? He’s pretty cool, really.”

Finn scoffed as Zeke’s eyes widened, looking between both of us with a confused expression. “You mean he actually talked to you?”

“Yeah, why?”

He paused, looking like he didn’t want to say anything at all. “Max doesn’t like me. All the years I’ve known him, I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper conversation with him,” he explained softly.

“Not everyone can be charmed by your boyish good looks and personality,” Finn teased.

Zeke blushed, but bit his lip sadly, and I frowned, afraid that he’d taken his comment personally. “I know that,” he responded dryly, “But you’ve seen how he acts around me!”

“He is a dick towards you,” Finn agreed, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Do you know why?” Zeke wondered.

Finn shook his head, and I frowned. “What are you guys talking about?” I asked, not understanding.

Zeke sighed, playing with his hands. Out of discomfort, or something else entirely, I wasn’t sure. “I don’t know, he just never talks to me. He’s always staring at me, or ignoring me completely. I can’t remember ever doing anything that would make him that angry at me. But, I’ve given up on attempting to understand him,” he added, causing Finn to laugh a bit under his breath.

“Is he gay?” I wondered, thinking about the ‘staring’ Zeke had mentioned.

Finn immediately shook his head, “He’s the exact opposite, to be perfectly honest.”

That didn’t sound like the guy I had spoken to minutes ago, at all. Even though I don’t know him like they do, obviously, I want to know why the fuck he has this grudge against Zeke. I can’t imagine him doing anything to upset someone. The idea just doesn’t make any sense to me.

We spent the next twenty minutes talking about random things and teasing each other like usual. Zeke suddenly stood up, throwing his green messenger bag over his shoulder, looking down on us with a disappointed expression.

“I’m sorry, but I have to leave early. I had to pick up an earlier shift at Quimby’s because my boss needs us to stock up for the Fall season.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust, and I laughed.

“That doesn’t sound very legit. Books have seasons?” I asked.

Zeke smiled, “Apparently, according to my boss. I’ll see you later,” he told us, before turning to exit the coffee shop. I really wish I had the guts to do anything about how I feel about him.

I glanced over at Finn who was sitting there with a smirk on his face, and it was like he was reading my mind. For some reason, I didn’t doubt that he could. Should I tell Finn? I hate keeping it inside, and who better to tell? I trust him enough to believe that he wouldn’t tell Zeke, but I don’t know. Fuck, now I remember why I didn’t date in high school. It’s complicated. But I feel like Zeke is worth it.

I took a deep breath, “Finn, can I tell you something?”

“Shoot.” Jesus, he knows what’s coming.

I did a quick check behind my shoulder, before realizing I looked like an idiot. Why am I so fucking paranoid all of a sudden? Oh right, because if Zeke found out, our whole friendship would basically be awkward and ruined for forever. “I . . . like Zeke.”

Finn nodded, his expression becoming professional. He understood what I meant right away, and he’s enjoying this way too much. “What is it that you like about him?”

“What?”

“You heard me, Marshall. This is important information.”

I smirked, but went along with it anyways. “Well, I like how nice and caring he is. It seems like he’s always thinking about other people, and never himself. He’s easy to talk to, and I love being around him. Zeke’s adorable, for one thing. His eyes are amazing, and I just . . . really like him.”

Finn beamed, and I could practically hear his brain whirling. He cares about his best friend so much, it’s almost heart wrenching. I didn’t notice it as much when I first met them, but Finn’s so protective over him. I know he teases him all the time but when Zeke is upset, Finn is always first to comfort him, to make sure he has a smile on his face. I mean, they could totally pass as a couple if you just saw them together on the street. Obviously that’s not the real situation, but I have a feeling they’d be lost without each other. Fuck, why am I thinking so much about this?

“Are you going to ask him out?” He finally asked.

I shook my head, leaning my head back against the wall. “Don’t be stupid. He doesn’t like me like that.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“You’re clueless. You both are. Do you know how hard it is to watch the two of you? It’s so ridiculously obvious how you feel about each other, yet you both are so worried that the other doesn’t feel the same way, you can’t be happy.”

My lips curved up into a small smile, not being able to help myself. “You really think he likes me?”

Finn laughed, running a hand through his short brown hair. “You’re a dumbass. Let’s just leave it at that.”

I punched him on the shoulder, and he let out an evil cackle. I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help but be comforted by our conversation. I’m really glad that we talked about this.