It's Worse Than You Think

I smirked at the sight of Finn flirting with a customer up at the front, and started to think, suddenly in the mood to tease him. I mean fuck, he deserves it to be perfectly honest. Every comment, every punch he’s ever given me on the shoulder; he can’t think that he’s allowed to get away with it just because Zeke is physically incapable of being mean to anyone. I walked towards them, distinctly hearing something about when he’s supposed to get off work, before slipping my hand in his as I wrapped an arm around him.

“Hey babe,” I said in a low, husky voice, finding it hard to keep the dumbass grin from appearing on my face. Her smile immediately dropped, narrowing her eyes at my co-worker. “Why don’t you meet me in the back?”

Honestly, I couldn’t help but add that in, and I threw in an extra wink before heading back to our usual couch. I didn’t want to look back just incase it somehow ruined anything, but imagining the look on Finn’s face was good enough. Once I’d sat back down, I sighed and glanced up at the clock. Jesus, it’s past three. Where’s Zeke? He’s usually right on time. Is it sad that I’m actually starting to worry a little bit? It’s just something that I’ve gotten used to. Plus it’s Zeke, and it’s almost ridiculous how much I care about him.

I almost busted out laughing at the expression on Finn’s face when he finally walked back to join me, and smiled. “Marshall Dolan, you are a dick.”

“I’m sorry, it just sort of happened,” I snorted.

“Sorry, my ass. Since when is stopping me from getting laid at the top of your to-do list?”

I ignored him, still smiling. “Was she the one?”

Finn grinned at that, punching my shoulder as he sat down. “She very well might have been. We’ll never know now, man.”

“I think you’ll live. Besides, I know you were just using her to get me upset.”

He laughed, “You caught me. I was never interested in her, and I loved the way you wrapped your arm around me.”

Before I could respond with another shit comment, the bell at the front door rang so my head snapped in that direction. Almost automatically, I smiled at the sight of Zeke, but it quickly faded when I really focused in on him. His head was ducked down as he sat down next to me, mumbling a small hey which caused me to frown. His eyes were casted to the floor, but I could still get a good look on his face and I furrowed my eyebrows. Zeke’s blue eyes were shining with unshed tears, his cheeks wet. I hated how he wouldn’t look at me, probably because he knew that I would immediately tell that something was wrong. It wasn’t working though, and I bit my lip before intertwining my hand with his. His hand felt cold and weak with mine, and I didn’t like that.

“What’s wrong?” Finn blurted out, his forehead creasing in worry, before the same words could come out of my mouth. That bothered me, and I momentarily struggled to regain all my attention onto my boyfriend.

He was quiet for a long time, but both of us knew he had heard so we didn’t say anything else, giving him time. A million possibilities were running threw my head, none of them good, and none of them involving a happy conclusion. Harassed, mugged, fired. I started to panic at the idea of someone else hurting him, but he finally opened his mouth to answer.

“I ran into my grandparents,” Zeke murmured, running a shaky hand through his brown hair. “I was getting some paints downtown, and I saw them.”

My eyes widened, and I found I couldn’t really imagine in the situation. Only because I have no clue how I’d react to seeing someone I hadn’t seen in years, especially under Zeke’s circumstances. I reached out to wipe the tears from his cheeks, and he leaned into my touch.

“How did it go?” I asked quietly, “It’s been around three years since you’ve seen them, right?”

Finn shot a glare at me, something I didn’t really fucking understand, but Zeke merely nodded in response to my question. Jesus Finn, piss off. Don’t get me wrong, the guy’s great, but lately when it comes to Zeke, he’s just driving me insane.

“I don’t know, it was weird, seeing them again. I mean, I all but ran away as soon as I turned eighteen, and never spoke to them again. Stopped calling them, stopped returning their calls. They were so disappointed in me,” Zeke said. “The way my grandfather was looking at me… I’ve never seen him look at anybody like that.”

He broke down at the last word, and buried his face deep in his hands, letting out quiet sobs. I glanced up at Finn for a second, but it was like I wasn’t even there, his eyes set on his best friend, his arm resting on his knee out of comfort. I drew patterns on the back of his cardigan in an attempt to soothe him, my heart was pounding uneasily at the sound he was making. I allowed my hand to curl around his waist, bringing him closer into me.

“Zeke, I doubt they were disappointed in you. They just missed you, and those are two completely different things.”

He looked away from his hands, rubbing furiously at his face to remove any tears. I watched him swallow hard, and sigh underneath his breath. “You’re right. It was overwhelming, then. For them, and for me. Being around them brings back too many memories,” Zeke ended softly, his blue eyes darting between Finn and I.

“It’s okay,” Finn said, “Because it’s over now. You got through a conversation with them, didn’t you? That’s something. But you shouldn’t be scared of your own memories.”

“I’m not scared,” he protested, seeming offended. “Embarrassed, guilty. Not scared.”

Neither Finn nor I said anything, I couldn’t find the right words. Finn looked stressed, his eyes were tired and his hands ran lazily through his short brown hair. I tightened the grip I had on Zeke, squeezing his waist gently as thoughts ran wild in my mind. He sighed softly, maybe noticing that both of us had grown completely silent. No one made any move to get up, so I figured that maybe we were just going to hang around the coffee shop for a while. I could care less, I obviously have no where better to be.

I think Zeke’s past is holding him back more than I realized. Running into someone, I hate that something as simple as that has this kind of reaction on him. It kills me, because I think when you compare our home life, and how we were raised, we’re kind of similar in that way. We both grew up without proper parents, both of them leaving our lives around the same age. I think that’s affected how we are today, I’m pretty sure that I’d be a completely different person if my father never left. I mean fuck, I wouldn’t even be leaving here in Chicago.

That’s actually weird now that I brought it up. I wonder what the hell I’d be doing right now if I was still back in Oregon. Probably hanging out with Blake at his house, playing videogames or something lame like that. Or maybe I’d be fighting with my mom and her drinking. I bet emotionally, I’d be screwed up if I stayed and never left. That’s interesting to think about, actually.

Anyways, I don’t know, Zeke just doesn’t handle anything. That’s what I’m worried about. He won’t talk about what’s happened to him openly, he’s so insistent on the idea that everything is his fault. I want to do something, anything to convince him that what he feels and thinks is irrational, and I’m pretty positive that Finn has been thinking the exact same thing. I mean, Zeke has been in my life for a few months, and Finn’s been in his for years. That’s a big difference.

I continued rubbing up and down his back, until his head finally rested up against mine; I had to fight back a small smirk at the action. Jesus, we’re a cute couple.

“I’m sorry for crying.”

“Don’t be,” I responded, because honestly that was such a ridiculous apology, “Seriously.”

Finn nodded in agreement, and Zeke offered us each a weary smile. “Thank you.” He looked like he truly meant it, like we actually changed his mind about what had happened, and I liked that. But I knew his small thank you didn’t apply to any of his other issues with his parents, and that thought brought my mood down once more.

I thought about saying something, just to fill the air with something because the silence was starting to become unnerving. But everything that I came up with just sounded like some awkward bullshit comment, and it wasn’t worth it. They both would know what I was trying to do anyways, and that’d make me feel even more like a dumbass. Goddamn it.

“I think I’m going to head home,” Zeke said finally, clearing his throat. He seemed to notice both of our hesitant expressions, and conjured up something that looked like a smile. “Don’t worry, I’m okay. Really.”

“I’ll come with you,” I responded, standing up with him.

He bit his lip, raising an eyebrow. “I’m probably just going to take a nap, you know.”

I didn’t care. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him alone or anything like that, I just wanted to make sure that he really was okay, and besides, I didn’t want him to leave me just yet. “Then I’ll watch you sleep,” I replied, offering a lame grin to which Finn snorted in response to.

My boyfriend laughed as well, blushing slightly, and nodded. “Fine, creep. Come on then.” He turned to Finn again, “Thanks again for talking to me, and everything.”

“You don’t need to thank me all the time for things that I enjoy doing, okay? I’m your best friend.”

We headed out of the coffee shop hand in hand, and I didn’t even bother saying goodbye to Finn. I don’t even know why, I just couldn’t get the words out. I think a part of me is still pissed off at him for doing something I don’t really understand myself. I’m just being a jealous bastard.