Gone Twisted

Ash walked down the stairs, finding her former friends in the crowd below her right away. Had it been a different situation, a different time and place, she would have loved to just run up to them hold them tightly and tell them everything and nothing at all. However, she kept hold of herself and with her nose held up high. She did not go near then, nor call out to them, or made any sign of seeing them. Patiently she waited for the young Death Eaters to gather around her and then casually talked to them with an aloof attitude. All the time, she never let the other two out of her peripheral vision.

Pansy tried to slime her way around Ash once again and Daphne, following Pansy’s lead, introduced her to her little sister hoping to gain her favour. Also the boys crowded around her. Draco once again trying to sneak his arm around her waist, but Ash stopped him with only a glance.

When she thought that enough time had passed, she excused herself from the others and walked up to Tracy and Blaise who were standing next to Chase.

During the time she had been with the others, she had watched the others carefully. At first there was shock - they hadn’t expected to see her today. Then came a look of extreme confusion - what was she doing here, especially next to Voldemort? Why were the others trying to suck up to her? Next there was anger - did she betray us and her family? At one point, she saw that they didn’t know what to think nor feel anymore, that's when she went over to them.

She hadn’t stayed long, said hello in the most distant way she could manage and then told them to meet her outside on the balcony further into the night.

When she had planned their reunion in her mind, Ash had millions of possible words and ideas prepared. Went through conversations over and over again. Wondered day in, day out what to tell them and how to tell them.

Now that it was really about to happen, her nerves nearly got to her. However, as soon as she felt ready, she made sure that the Tracy and Blaise saw her as she strayed towards the empty balcony, summoning her black robes on the way to fight the cold.

Just before walking through the glass doors however, a hand caught her arm tightly. Glancing sideways, her eyes focused on Snape.

After a short tempered conversation, Ash ripped her arm out of his grip and walked towards the fresh air and her friends that where waiting on her.

“Blaise! Tracy!” Ash called out when she walked onto the silent balcony, watching the two young adults that were silently talking to each other carefully.

Turning around, Blaise and Tracy looked at the girl but didn’t say a word.

Smiling, Ash couldn’t stop herself anymore and ran up the boy, threw her arms around him and moved her head in order to give him a kiss. But instead of following her lead, he turned his head slightly, so that instead of reaching his mouth she was forced to give him a small peck on the cheek. Moreover, his body was tense under her touch and he never relaxed while she had her arms around him.

Noticing his discomfort, Ash let her arms fall to her side again and took two steps backwards, giving Blaise back his personal space like she would a stranger. It stung her that he was so cold towards her, but she couldn’t blame him for it, could she? Glancing at Tracy, she saw that she wouldn’t receive a warm welcome there either.

“You wanted to talk to us?” she asked Ash icily.

Ash looked down on the floor, “Don’t be like that,” she whispered.

“Don’t be like what?”

“This cold and distant. I... I... I thought...”

“You thought what?”

Ash opened her mouth as if to say something, but then closed it again and shook her head sadly, “Why do you suddenly seem to hate me?”

Blaise’s eyes went wide and he spoke for the first time, while Tracy just shook her head softly,
“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you,” Blaise said with a sigh, moving his palm to cup her cheek.

“Are you sure? Because you certainly behave as if you do,” Ash said, tight lipped.

“Yes. Yes I’m sure. It was just so... so... Weird seeing you here, between all the Death Eaters. After they kidnapped you I thought you were locked away in some dungeon or worse... dead.”

Ash laughed, “No. They let me out of that dungeon when I joined them,” she said quietly, intent to hide the despair in her words.

“Joined them?” Tracy asked shocked, hoping she heard her friend incorrectly, but already fearing the worst.

“Yes,” she said, “Didn’t you see it when we were inside? I didn’t have my robe on in there.” Turning to look at the two of them, Ash pulled up her sleeve and presented the vivid red tattoo on her left forearm.

“Bloody...” Tracy said and took a step away from Ash with fear in her eyes.

“It’s... It’s not as bad as you think,” Ash said swallowing hard, trying to smooth the situation again.

“Not as bad as we think?” Tracy hissed, Blaise stayed quiet. “They killed your parents, Ash. They kidnapped you and manipulated many of your friends into becoming one of them. They tortured you, didn’t they? Chase did mention something like that once, they make you kill, don’t they? And you say that its not as bad as we think?”

Ash bit her lower lips. She knew this was all so wrong. She should be confessing everything to them, but still the words she exchanged with Snape still rang in her mind.

Glancing sideways Ash faced a scowling Snape, “What?” she asked annoyed.

“Don’t tell them anything,” he hissed.

Ash stared at Snape, shock and horror apparent in her eyes, “What do you mean?”

“Just what I have said. It’s not safe to tell them anything, yet.”

Anger flashed in her emerald eyes as she regarded Snape with an menacing glare, “Give me one good reason,” she hissed at her former teacher.

“It’s too dangerous, it would mess up our plans,” Snape said.

“You don’t know that, it could be a help for us,” she snapped and added, “Not good enough.”

“They can’t do occlumancy and the Dark Lord will be suspicious of your talk when you come inside again,” Snape went on and this time saw that his attempts bore fruits. Ash bit her lower lip and glanced at their Lord in annoyance.

“What do you suggest I tell them then?”

“You’ll figure something out,” he told her with what faintly looked like pride in his eyes.

With an annoyed growl, Ash ripped out of his grasped and slowly stalked to the balcony, trying to figure out what she should tell her friends.

Looking away from them, she muttered that they wouldn’t understand.

“Then try to explain,” Tracy said with anger in her voice.

“No, you know what. You try to find out yourself,” she said, glaring at Tracy with a bit of annoyance and then glancing at Blaise pleadingly, hoping that he would forgive her lack of explanation and wouldn’t change his feelings for her, that she saw still bloomed in his eyes.

Huffing and puffing, Tracy took hold of Blaise’s arm. “You know what. Forget it. I’m sorry for ever becoming your friend and believing in you,” her friend laughed bitterly, “I really thought that I knew you Ash. How could you betray us and your family in this way?” she growled. “Come on, Blaise we’re leaving.”

Silently Ash watched as Tracy pulled Blaise back into the house, while his confused and hurt chocolate eyes stayed on her seemingly emotionless emerald eyes, seeing an underlying, hidden sadness in them that confused him to no end.

It felt as if somebody had rammed a stake into her heart, twisted it around and then ripped it out again, leaving multiple splinters behind. But she knew that this was the safest way for both them and her.

Leaning on the railing, Ash watched as the Dark Lord looked at her retreating friends and smirked at the despair as he watched the balcony scene in their minds. Angry, Ash turned her back to the manor and clenched her fists tightly, wishing she had a wall around her to hit thoroughly. Biting her lips, Ash slowly walked along the balcony and down the stairs that lead to the gardens.

Suddenly she heard a sound, like a twig snap a few meters away from her behind one of the bushes.

“Who’s there?” she asked loudly, letting her hand glide into one of her pockets, gripping her wand.