Take It Slow, 'Cause I Can't Be on My Own
LOVE, LOVE WILL TEAR US APART AGAIN.
8 hours after returning home, I woke up. When I sat up in the bed, I felt completely refreshed. No hangover and surprisingly, my memory was still intact. I grabbed my phone off of the table out of habit and noticed I had many unread texts and missed calls. Matt, Jack, and Alex had all called me. I called Matt back and waited anxiously for him to pick up.
“Hello?”
“Hi, I’m really sorry about last night.”
“Yeah, you had me a little worried. Are you sure nothing happened? If it did, I want you to tell me.”
“Nothing happened. I wouldn’t do that to you. Even wasted I’m not that stupid.”
“I know it’s hard. Trust me babe, this is just as hard on me. I miss you all the time and I’m constantly worrying that... that you don’t feel the same anymore.”
“Matt,” my eyes stung with the beginnings of a tear. “I love you. I’m going to stick through this because I know I don’t want to be without you.”
“Okay, we have a show in an hour so I’ve got to go. Thanks for calling.”
“I love you, have fun.”
“I love you too, bye.”
Only a few minutes after my phone call with Matt ended, I received another from Jessie.
“Miss me already?” I joked.
“Oh yes, dearly, now say you’ll come to a get together at my house tonight.”
“Again? Damn Jess, we partied last night.”
“Not a party, a get together.”
“Is there a difference?”
“Duh, just like twenty people or something.”
“Okay...” I complied. “I’ll have my dad drop my off in a few hours.
~
I sat on Jessie’s couch, feeling very bored and detached from the conversation. I had a drink my hand, sipping slowly, not wanting a rerun of last night. Almost immediately after the thought, I felt someone sit down beside me. I looked over curiously and was very surprised to see Brendan smirking at me.
“Wow... now I’m convinced you’re stalking me,” I laughed.
“Stalking? Don’t you believe in a happy coincidence? Or fate?” He winked at me and I felt my stomach turn. I wished he hadn’t been here.
“Wellll, I don’t know about that..”
“Do you usually go out this much?”
“Funny you ask because really I don’t. Do you?”
“Nope,” he smiled at me again. “Coincidence that we run into each other the two nights we actually go out.”
“I told you I have a boyfriend.”
“I know.”
I took a long sip from my cup as I looked at him. He was wearing a dark pair of fitted jeans and a black t-shirt that contrasted perfectly with his milky skin. I stared at his forearms which were covered in elaborate tattoos. i could spot another one on the back of his neck but I couldn’t make out what it was. His skin was clear and his structure was beautifully defined. I wondered how old he was but didn’t ask.
“So this boyfriend of yours... where is he? You said it’s long distance. What kind of guy would leave a girl like you behind?”
“First of all... you don’t even know me. You know my name and that’s it,” Brendan laughed but did break eye contact with me. I looked away nervously. “Second of all, it wasn’t his choice. My brother and my best friend are in a band. My boyfriend, Matt, is their manager. So they’re on tour, they have been for a month and will be for another 3.”
“Must be hard,” he said. I couldn’t tell if he was really interested or just pretending to be.
“It is.”
We were silent for a moment. I looked away but I could still feel him staring at me.
“How old are you Emily?”
Almost immediately I decided to lie. “Seventeen.” And immediately after, I regretted it. I wondered why I thought I should lie. I knew that if I told him I was really 15, he would lose interest. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I wanted him to be interested. “You?”
I waited anxiously for his response. He had to be at least 18. “I just turned 20 last week.”
I nodded slowly. I forced myself to act disinterested but suddenly I wanted to know everything about him. I recalled my phonecall with Matt just a few hours earlier and focus on that instead of Brendan’s wide, blue eyes and hinting smile.
“Wanna go get some dinner?” he asked, I could tell his was bored with the ‘get together’. As I discovered, ‘get together’ is code for group bong hits.
“It’s eleven thirty and I can’t go get dinner with you because. I. Have. A. Boyfriend.”
“So what? I’m bored and you obviously are too. And, I already told you, just friends.”
“Why should I believe you?”
“I guess you’re just going to have to trust me.”
I stared at him for a moment, debating. “Okay,” I said reluctantly. As we walked out the door, I felt him place his hand on my lower back, guiding me forward. I turned around quickly and gave him a warning look. Brendan backed away from me and put his hands up innocently. He smirked at me as I opened up the passenger door.
“Alright, so now we’ve just got to find a place that serves dinner at midnight.”
~
After 30 minutes at Village Inn, completely alone with Brendan, I felt like a new person. We ate french fries and coffee and I hardly stopped giggling once. I didn’t know why I had agreed to come here with him, I guess I just wanted to show myself that he wasn’t as great as he somehow appeared to be in the few minutes we’d spoken. But during the “dinner” I kicked myself as I realized that he was better than he seemed. I wanted so badly to feel like his personality was only enjoyable after a few drinks, that I was just feeling like this because of how undeniably attractive he was, but as we talked and laughed in the deserted restaraunt, I knew it was more than that.
I got a sudden reality check when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. Alex. “I’m really sorry, I have to answer this,” I said to Brendan quickly.
“Hello?”
“Em, hey, what are you doing?”
“Um, I’m at Village Inn.”
“With who...?” He asked, confused.
“A friend.”
“Which friend?”
“No one you know.”
“Why are you acting weird...?”
“I’m not,” I said quickly, knowing that I was. “Why’d you call? It’s late.”
I looked up at Brendan as he watched me intently, I knew he assumed it was my boyfriend.
“Well we just haven’t talked in a while and I called you last night and you didn’t answer and everything. I thought you’d be at home. You’re sure going out a lot lately.”
“I’m just trying to keep myself occupied.”
“Speaking of that... my mom called today and she’s like, really upset. I mean, she just misses all of us. She says that the house is really quiet and she hates it.”
“And...?”
“Well, you should stop by and see her.”
“You want me to go see your mom at 1 am?”
“No, not tonight. I’m just saying, if you want. I know she misses you. I just thought you might want to go over there for a while. Damn, you are acting weird.”
“I’m sorry Alex, I’m just a little busy.”
“Can’t you at least tell me who you’re with?”
I looked at Brendan again and knew it was a bad idea to tell him.
“I’ll tell you tomorrow. I have to go, Alex.”
“Okay,” he sighed and I almost hung up. I heard someone yelling in the background. “‘BYE EMILY!!!’ That’s Jack, he says he misses you too.”
“Alright, I miss you too Jack,” I smiled as I pictured them in some hotel room together, wishing I were there. “Bye.”
I ended the call and sighed, looking up at Brendan.
“Was that your boyfriend?”
“No.”
“You said I love you. Damn girl, how many boyfriends do you have?”
I laughed half heartedly. “It was my best friend and my brother.”
I ran my fingers through my hair messily and yawned, setting my chin on my hands to keep my head up.
“Do you want to go home?” I certainly didn’t want to be at Village Inn, but anywhere seemed better than home. I shook my head slowly.
“I lied to you,” I said after a few moments of silence.
“About what?”
“My age.”
He raised his eyebrow slightly and his eyes widened with interest, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “How old are you then?”
I said nothing for a while, wondering if he would guess or get upset. “You can’t be older than 21, and not younger than 16. How old are you, Emily?”
“Fifteen,” I said slowly.
He leaned back in his seat and broke eye contact. He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. “15? Well that certainly changes things. ..Why did you lie?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t. I thought if I told you, you’d lose interest...”
“I thought you didn’t want me to be interested.”
I stared at him for a minute, I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure of anything. We were both silent. “Well, are you?”
“I can’t say that I’m not. But, you do have a boyfriend like you’ve said a hundred times and anything much more than merely interest would be so illegal. So what’s the point?”
I looked away from him and rubbed my eyes sleepily. “Can you take my home now...” I muttered. I shouldn’t have said anything. I completely shattered the fantasy. I knew it was for the best, but I didn’t want it to be.
“Of course.”
The drive home was silent, similar to this morning, but for much different reasons this time. As we pulled up to the house, I didn’t want to leave. “Am I going to see you again?”
“I don’t know. You have my number. I guess that’s up to you.”
“Are you still interested?” I wondered why I was even asking.
“I wish I wasn’t. But the truth is,” he looked me in the eye and I felt my arms become covered in goosebumps, “you can’t help who you fall for.”
“Hello?”
“Hi, I’m really sorry about last night.”
“Yeah, you had me a little worried. Are you sure nothing happened? If it did, I want you to tell me.”
“Nothing happened. I wouldn’t do that to you. Even wasted I’m not that stupid.”
“I know it’s hard. Trust me babe, this is just as hard on me. I miss you all the time and I’m constantly worrying that... that you don’t feel the same anymore.”
“Matt,” my eyes stung with the beginnings of a tear. “I love you. I’m going to stick through this because I know I don’t want to be without you.”
“Okay, we have a show in an hour so I’ve got to go. Thanks for calling.”
“I love you, have fun.”
“I love you too, bye.”
Only a few minutes after my phone call with Matt ended, I received another from Jessie.
“Miss me already?” I joked.
“Oh yes, dearly, now say you’ll come to a get together at my house tonight.”
“Again? Damn Jess, we partied last night.”
“Not a party, a get together.”
“Is there a difference?”
“Duh, just like twenty people or something.”
“Okay...” I complied. “I’ll have my dad drop my off in a few hours.
~
I sat on Jessie’s couch, feeling very bored and detached from the conversation. I had a drink my hand, sipping slowly, not wanting a rerun of last night. Almost immediately after the thought, I felt someone sit down beside me. I looked over curiously and was very surprised to see Brendan smirking at me.
“Wow... now I’m convinced you’re stalking me,” I laughed.
“Stalking? Don’t you believe in a happy coincidence? Or fate?” He winked at me and I felt my stomach turn. I wished he hadn’t been here.
“Wellll, I don’t know about that..”
“Do you usually go out this much?”
“Funny you ask because really I don’t. Do you?”
“Nope,” he smiled at me again. “Coincidence that we run into each other the two nights we actually go out.”
“I told you I have a boyfriend.”
“I know.”
I took a long sip from my cup as I looked at him. He was wearing a dark pair of fitted jeans and a black t-shirt that contrasted perfectly with his milky skin. I stared at his forearms which were covered in elaborate tattoos. i could spot another one on the back of his neck but I couldn’t make out what it was. His skin was clear and his structure was beautifully defined. I wondered how old he was but didn’t ask.
“So this boyfriend of yours... where is he? You said it’s long distance. What kind of guy would leave a girl like you behind?”
“First of all... you don’t even know me. You know my name and that’s it,” Brendan laughed but did break eye contact with me. I looked away nervously. “Second of all, it wasn’t his choice. My brother and my best friend are in a band. My boyfriend, Matt, is their manager. So they’re on tour, they have been for a month and will be for another 3.”
“Must be hard,” he said. I couldn’t tell if he was really interested or just pretending to be.
“It is.”
We were silent for a moment. I looked away but I could still feel him staring at me.
“How old are you Emily?”
Almost immediately I decided to lie. “Seventeen.” And immediately after, I regretted it. I wondered why I thought I should lie. I knew that if I told him I was really 15, he would lose interest. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I wanted him to be interested. “You?”
I waited anxiously for his response. He had to be at least 18. “I just turned 20 last week.”
I nodded slowly. I forced myself to act disinterested but suddenly I wanted to know everything about him. I recalled my phonecall with Matt just a few hours earlier and focus on that instead of Brendan’s wide, blue eyes and hinting smile.
“Wanna go get some dinner?” he asked, I could tell his was bored with the ‘get together’. As I discovered, ‘get together’ is code for group bong hits.
“It’s eleven thirty and I can’t go get dinner with you because. I. Have. A. Boyfriend.”
“So what? I’m bored and you obviously are too. And, I already told you, just friends.”
“Why should I believe you?”
“I guess you’re just going to have to trust me.”
I stared at him for a moment, debating. “Okay,” I said reluctantly. As we walked out the door, I felt him place his hand on my lower back, guiding me forward. I turned around quickly and gave him a warning look. Brendan backed away from me and put his hands up innocently. He smirked at me as I opened up the passenger door.
“Alright, so now we’ve just got to find a place that serves dinner at midnight.”
~
After 30 minutes at Village Inn, completely alone with Brendan, I felt like a new person. We ate french fries and coffee and I hardly stopped giggling once. I didn’t know why I had agreed to come here with him, I guess I just wanted to show myself that he wasn’t as great as he somehow appeared to be in the few minutes we’d spoken. But during the “dinner” I kicked myself as I realized that he was better than he seemed. I wanted so badly to feel like his personality was only enjoyable after a few drinks, that I was just feeling like this because of how undeniably attractive he was, but as we talked and laughed in the deserted restaraunt, I knew it was more than that.
I got a sudden reality check when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. Alex. “I’m really sorry, I have to answer this,” I said to Brendan quickly.
“Hello?”
“Em, hey, what are you doing?”
“Um, I’m at Village Inn.”
“With who...?” He asked, confused.
“A friend.”
“Which friend?”
“No one you know.”
“Why are you acting weird...?”
“I’m not,” I said quickly, knowing that I was. “Why’d you call? It’s late.”
I looked up at Brendan as he watched me intently, I knew he assumed it was my boyfriend.
“Well we just haven’t talked in a while and I called you last night and you didn’t answer and everything. I thought you’d be at home. You’re sure going out a lot lately.”
“I’m just trying to keep myself occupied.”
“Speaking of that... my mom called today and she’s like, really upset. I mean, she just misses all of us. She says that the house is really quiet and she hates it.”
“And...?”
“Well, you should stop by and see her.”
“You want me to go see your mom at 1 am?”
“No, not tonight. I’m just saying, if you want. I know she misses you. I just thought you might want to go over there for a while. Damn, you are acting weird.”
“I’m sorry Alex, I’m just a little busy.”
“Can’t you at least tell me who you’re with?”
I looked at Brendan again and knew it was a bad idea to tell him.
“I’ll tell you tomorrow. I have to go, Alex.”
“Okay,” he sighed and I almost hung up. I heard someone yelling in the background. “‘BYE EMILY!!!’ That’s Jack, he says he misses you too.”
“Alright, I miss you too Jack,” I smiled as I pictured them in some hotel room together, wishing I were there. “Bye.”
I ended the call and sighed, looking up at Brendan.
“Was that your boyfriend?”
“No.”
“You said I love you. Damn girl, how many boyfriends do you have?”
I laughed half heartedly. “It was my best friend and my brother.”
I ran my fingers through my hair messily and yawned, setting my chin on my hands to keep my head up.
“Do you want to go home?” I certainly didn’t want to be at Village Inn, but anywhere seemed better than home. I shook my head slowly.
“I lied to you,” I said after a few moments of silence.
“About what?”
“My age.”
He raised his eyebrow slightly and his eyes widened with interest, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “How old are you then?”
I said nothing for a while, wondering if he would guess or get upset. “You can’t be older than 21, and not younger than 16. How old are you, Emily?”
“Fifteen,” I said slowly.
He leaned back in his seat and broke eye contact. He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. “15? Well that certainly changes things. ..Why did you lie?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t. I thought if I told you, you’d lose interest...”
“I thought you didn’t want me to be interested.”
I stared at him for a minute, I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure of anything. We were both silent. “Well, are you?”
“I can’t say that I’m not. But, you do have a boyfriend like you’ve said a hundred times and anything much more than merely interest would be so illegal. So what’s the point?”
I looked away from him and rubbed my eyes sleepily. “Can you take my home now...” I muttered. I shouldn’t have said anything. I completely shattered the fantasy. I knew it was for the best, but I didn’t want it to be.
“Of course.”
The drive home was silent, similar to this morning, but for much different reasons this time. As we pulled up to the house, I didn’t want to leave. “Am I going to see you again?”
“I don’t know. You have my number. I guess that’s up to you.”
“Are you still interested?” I wondered why I was even asking.
“I wish I wasn’t. But the truth is,” he looked me in the eye and I felt my arms become covered in goosebumps, “you can’t help who you fall for.”