Take It Slow, 'Cause I Can't Be on My Own
LULLABIES.
I was pretty much gone today, I sat in class but I didn't listen, and I didn't talk to anyone that I normally would. It's just one of those days that you're a zombie, walking around in a body but feeling nothing. Those days weren't foreign to me. I made it to lunch, but I wasn't hungry. I just bought a water and sat down where I normally did, only 30 seconds later Alex sat down at the table like always. I looked at his lunch tray: two cheeseburgers, a bag of chips, a soda, a brownie and some sort of candy.
I gave him a skeptical look, "You disgust me."
He smiled and let out a short laugh. "Want some?" He handed out his burger to me.
I grimaced and turned to look out across the lunchroom.
I was a sohpomore, and Alex was a senior. Jack had already graduated last year, him and Alex were both eighteen (turning nineteen by the end of the year) but Alex failed three classes last year. He was a slacker, to say the least. I was pretty much a straight A student. I mean, I wasn't thrilled about school in any way, and I wasn't interested in any of it. I just wanted a good, successful life to look forward to. Alex was apparently relying on some sort of musical career. I never said anything, because he was my best friend, and I knew he was a great musician, but I just doubted the whole thing. He was a dreamer, though.
"Hi, Alex," a girl said as she passed by our lunch table. She gave him a small wave. He didn't say anything, he just smiled and watched her walk away.
"Who's that?" He asked me.
I just rolled my eyes. "I was about to ask you the same thing."
I saw a guy coming up to our table, I'd never seen him, so he must know Alex. This table was constantly swarmed with giddy girls hanging onto Alex. I guess you could say Alex was a bit of a player. Well, no, I'll just say it. Alex Gaskarth IS a manwhore, there was no denying it. "Hey man." Alex looked up from his food he was devouring and gave the boy a head nod, but didn't say anything. He sat down next to Alex, I just watched Alex continue to shovel food into his mouth. This boy, whoever he was, kept looking at me, and then looking at Alex. He, too, had a ridiculous amount of food but hadn't eaten it yet. He kept glancing back and forth between the two of us.
"Ohhhh, right," Alex said between bites. "This is Jack's sister, Emily. Emily, this is James."
"Nah, I go by Matt. Good to meet you, I hear Jack and Alex talk about you, like, all the time." He leaned over the table and held out his hand. I shook it lightly. "Uh, nice to meet you.. Matt."
"So... you're Jack's sister." It was more of a question, I think.
"...I'm Jack's sister."
I'm "Jack's sister", most of the time. Some of the time, I'm "Emily". Mostly everyone knows me, because Jack was popular, or whatever, but they don't know me as Emily, I'm just Jack's sister. It was monotonous, but it's better than being no one. I think.
Matt nodded, and then all three of us sat in silence, me, not eating, them, piling hamburger and chips into their mouths every two seconds. We sat like that for the other 25 minutes of lunch, silent.
~
"So, wanna skip?" He asked plainly.
"I can't skip, Alex."
"Why? What do you have sixth period? Oh, English, English isn't important. Let's go."
I stood and stared at him.
"Let's go."
"Why?"
"Well, I don't have a 6th or 7th, sooo. Let's go."
"Yes, but I do have a 6th and 7th, and English IS important, actually. I'm not taking any school related advice from someone who failed their senior year."
"Oh you big fucking baby. Honestly. Let's just go. We can go to Taco Bell."
"You JUST ate not even five minutes ago!"
"Aren't you hungry? Come on I'll buy you something."
"If I was hungry I would have bought something at lunch."
"The food here blows."
"And that's why you ate so much of it."
Before I could say anything else, he picked me up and headed towards the back of the building. We got to his car without a single teacher stopping us.
"I really don't want to go to Taco Bell, Alex."
"Alright, let's go to your place then."
"I don't really want to see Jack right now."
"Is something wrong?"
I shook my head lightly.
"My house it is then."
~
Alex and I sat on his bed, without saying anything. We'd been sitting for about twenty minutes. I could tell it was hard for him not to say anything; he kept moving, or getting up, or mouthing words to himself. He kept looking over at me about every fifteen seconds.
"Can you please just tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I'm your best friend."
"So you should already know what's wrong."
"I can't read your mind Emily."
"I just miss her a lot right now."
I could see him turn away from me out of the corner my eye. "Oh."
"Wanna talk about it?" It was sincere but today was just not the day.
I turned over onto my stomach and laid my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around my waist, I felt myself start to cry but tried to hold it back. Tears dripped into his shirt and he tightened his grip on my waist. He slowly stroked my hair and started singing some song to me quietly. Just before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper 'I love you.'
I gave him a skeptical look, "You disgust me."
He smiled and let out a short laugh. "Want some?" He handed out his burger to me.
I grimaced and turned to look out across the lunchroom.
I was a sohpomore, and Alex was a senior. Jack had already graduated last year, him and Alex were both eighteen (turning nineteen by the end of the year) but Alex failed three classes last year. He was a slacker, to say the least. I was pretty much a straight A student. I mean, I wasn't thrilled about school in any way, and I wasn't interested in any of it. I just wanted a good, successful life to look forward to. Alex was apparently relying on some sort of musical career. I never said anything, because he was my best friend, and I knew he was a great musician, but I just doubted the whole thing. He was a dreamer, though.
"Hi, Alex," a girl said as she passed by our lunch table. She gave him a small wave. He didn't say anything, he just smiled and watched her walk away.
"Who's that?" He asked me.
I just rolled my eyes. "I was about to ask you the same thing."
I saw a guy coming up to our table, I'd never seen him, so he must know Alex. This table was constantly swarmed with giddy girls hanging onto Alex. I guess you could say Alex was a bit of a player. Well, no, I'll just say it. Alex Gaskarth IS a manwhore, there was no denying it. "Hey man." Alex looked up from his food he was devouring and gave the boy a head nod, but didn't say anything. He sat down next to Alex, I just watched Alex continue to shovel food into his mouth. This boy, whoever he was, kept looking at me, and then looking at Alex. He, too, had a ridiculous amount of food but hadn't eaten it yet. He kept glancing back and forth between the two of us.
"Ohhhh, right," Alex said between bites. "This is Jack's sister, Emily. Emily, this is James."
"Nah, I go by Matt. Good to meet you, I hear Jack and Alex talk about you, like, all the time." He leaned over the table and held out his hand. I shook it lightly. "Uh, nice to meet you.. Matt."
"So... you're Jack's sister." It was more of a question, I think.
"...I'm Jack's sister."
I'm "Jack's sister", most of the time. Some of the time, I'm "Emily". Mostly everyone knows me, because Jack was popular, or whatever, but they don't know me as Emily, I'm just Jack's sister. It was monotonous, but it's better than being no one. I think.
Matt nodded, and then all three of us sat in silence, me, not eating, them, piling hamburger and chips into their mouths every two seconds. We sat like that for the other 25 minutes of lunch, silent.
~
"So, wanna skip?" He asked plainly.
"I can't skip, Alex."
"Why? What do you have sixth period? Oh, English, English isn't important. Let's go."
I stood and stared at him.
"Let's go."
"Why?"
"Well, I don't have a 6th or 7th, sooo. Let's go."
"Yes, but I do have a 6th and 7th, and English IS important, actually. I'm not taking any school related advice from someone who failed their senior year."
"Oh you big fucking baby. Honestly. Let's just go. We can go to Taco Bell."
"You JUST ate not even five minutes ago!"
"Aren't you hungry? Come on I'll buy you something."
"If I was hungry I would have bought something at lunch."
"The food here blows."
"And that's why you ate so much of it."
Before I could say anything else, he picked me up and headed towards the back of the building. We got to his car without a single teacher stopping us.
"I really don't want to go to Taco Bell, Alex."
"Alright, let's go to your place then."
"I don't really want to see Jack right now."
"Is something wrong?"
I shook my head lightly.
"My house it is then."
~
Alex and I sat on his bed, without saying anything. We'd been sitting for about twenty minutes. I could tell it was hard for him not to say anything; he kept moving, or getting up, or mouthing words to himself. He kept looking over at me about every fifteen seconds.
"Can you please just tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I'm your best friend."
"So you should already know what's wrong."
"I can't read your mind Emily."
"I just miss her a lot right now."
I could see him turn away from me out of the corner my eye. "Oh."
"Wanna talk about it?" It was sincere but today was just not the day.
I turned over onto my stomach and laid my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around my waist, I felt myself start to cry but tried to hold it back. Tears dripped into his shirt and he tightened his grip on my waist. He slowly stroked my hair and started singing some song to me quietly. Just before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper 'I love you.'
♠ ♠ ♠
Filler.