Take It Slow, 'Cause I Can't Be on My Own
SHOW ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME.
After my “date” with Alex, I felt this incredible urge to get back home as fast as possible. It was an unfamiliar feeling, actually wanting to go back to my house for the first time in months, but this time, I knew it was because someone was actually waiting for me to return. And not just any ordinary someone, it was Matthew Flyzik who was waiting for me. I looked at my phone, it was just after 10pm. I’d spent a whole ten hours away from him, and I felt like that was more than enough. I felt ridiculous, missing him so much after only a short time, but I hadn’t gotten enough. The excitement and relief of having him here finally hadn’t subsided. Maybe because I knew it was not permanent, not yet anyway.
I sat in the passenger’s seat of Alex’s car as he drove me home. He pulled into the driveway and parked, taking his seatbelt off but not moving. “Are you coming in?” I asked.
“Nah, I think I’m gonna go home, kick it with my mom, you know.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Think you can manage without me for a night?”
“Hmm, I dunno, it might be too hard,” I said sarcastically.
He reached across the car and messed up my hair, then put his hand on my leg, looking at me with this odd, glazed over look. His lips were upturned in the beginnings of a smirk, but his eyes had a sadness in them. “I love you,” he said matter of factly.
“You’ve been so weirdly sentimental ever since you got back.”
“I know,” he said shortly, still looking at me. “I just missed you, a lot.”
I smiled at my best friend, replaying our “date” in my mind. The date was really us just getting fast food and taking naps and fake arguing and playing, the same things we did every day, when he used to be here anyway. And I felt so comforted after hours of just the same old shit. “I love you too Alex,” I said in the most genuine way that I could.
“Be at my house by 6 tomorrow, got it?’
“Got it.”
“Oh, wait,” Alex said as I stepped out of the car. “Tell Matt to come out here real quick.”
“Um, okay, will do. Goodnight Alex.”
Matt’s POV.
“I take it you haven’t told her yet.” Alex’s tone was cold, and tired, hopeless even.
I looked down, not being able to face him, knowing what he probably thought of me by now. “Wait, you didn’t say anything right?!” I said, panicked.
“Of course I didn’t. That’s all up to you,” he said with a bitterness that was only meant to hurt me. “Look man, I’ve been where you are. I mean, not exactly. But whatever. You’re still my best friend, but you hurt Emily. She doesn’t know it yet, but you did. And I just spent all day with her knowing that. I’m... I’m not trying to lecture you. But.. I just don’t know man. She’s the best girl I’ve ever known, and I don’t want to hate you right now but I do, because I love her and I spend every moment protecting her. And I can’t protect her from what she’s about to feel. But you have to do it. You have to.”
“Right now? I can’t now.”
“Before we leave, she better know.”
I sat in the car motionless, my eyes facing forward. My body felt numb as his words resonated in me. My eyes shifted quickly to look back at him, and I noticed that he looked just as hurt as I’m sure I did. I sighed and stepped out of the car, going back into the basement. Emily and Jack sat on the couch, watching TV. She looked over at me and I had to compose myself quickly, knowing that the expression on my face would give away so much.
“What’d Alex wanna talk about?”
“Oh, nothing,” I responded shortly. She looked at me, clearly curious, but dropped it. I sat down next to her and she leaned into me, kissing me softly on the lips. She looked at me, her face just an inch from mine. She looked tired, but her green eyes still managed to shine in the dimly lit basement. “I missed you,” she whispered, her lips barely forming a smile.
As I stared at her I wondered how I came to be here. I thought back to many months before, when I first met her. I looked into her eyes and felt my heart flutter, questioning how I got in this position. How did I ever come to love her so much? I didn’t care how sappy or cheesy or cliche it was, every time I stared right into her eyes, I fell in love again. Her eyes made me wonder things, think crazy things, think about how no one loved her this much before I did. They made me think about how lucky I was to actually be so young but so in love. “I missed you too,” I said, smiling at her, and it was no lie.
Our sappiness was interrupted by gagging noises coming from Jack. Emily stretched out her leg and kicked him in his shoulder. “Shut up Jack, you’re just jealous because no one misses you.”
He raised his arm to flip us off without shifting his attention to the television screen.
“Let’s go upstairs so Jack can be alone to masturbate because he doesn’t have a girl to love him.” Emily grabbed my hand and tugged at my arm, leading me up the stairs. As we reached the top of the first flight of stairs, she turned around and smiled at me, giggling as she grabbed my shoulders, pulling me towards her for a kiss. I couldn’t help but smile and laugh along with her. My hands touched the soft fabric of her shirt, tugging it up lightly, feeling the smooth skin of her back and hips.
“Ooh,” she said, shivering as her arms covered with goosebumps. “Your hands are freezing.”
“So warm me up,” I said, smirking at her. My hands fell down to her thighs, pulling her up against me, her legs wrapping around my torso and arms lacing around my shoulders. She kissed me and giggled as we walked to her bedroom, the house silent and the night still young.
“Being romantic is a lot more difficult than it looks,” I said in between kisses, my lips still pressed against hers.
“Please don’t drop me,” she whispered.
“Oh I’d never do that sweetheart.”
I opened up her bedroom door as we reached the top of the stairs. I set her down on the bed and fell onto it along with her. “Damn, after all that heavy lifting, I’m ready for a nap.”
“Oh shut up,” she said as she crawled on top of me, leaning in for kiss after kiss.
After a few short moments, she pulled away and left off of the bed. She was still wearing several layers of clothing; a light winter jacket, a scarf, a shirt, jeans, slip on shoes. She stood next to her closet, mindlessly scanning it as she kicked off her shoes and snaked out of her scarf.
“Hey,” I said as she began to unbutton her jacket, “I thought it was my job to do the undressing.”
She grinned at me nervously from across the room. “Come help me then.” Her voice was smooth and seductive, lingering in the air, everything about her in that moment was so alluring and perfect. I walked towards her to pick up where she left off, undoing the last few buttons. The jacket fell hard against the floor. I reached towards her waist as I lifted up the hem of her t-shirt, it crawled up her torso and she lifted both of her arms. She giggled softly as I pulled it over her head, it was so meek and quiet even I could hardly hear it.
Her dark brown hair fell over her bare skin, contrasting perfectly with her skin. She looked up at me and smiled sweetly. All other thoughts escaped me, all I could focus on was her. She mimicked my motions and slid her hands beneath my shirt, pulling it off quickly. Soft hands found my skin, her skin grazed over mine, on my neck, my chest, my back. My skin warmed with anticipation as she stared at me with the slightest smile that was all her own. The feelings she omitted with just that smile could never be replicated by another.
“You are such a tease.”
“I am not a tease,” she said with a laugh, fully aware that she was. “You’re the tease.”
“Just come here already.” My voice sounded less than demanding, but desperate.
Instantly she replaced any space that had been between us before, the skin of her stomach felt so hot up against me, only making me want to touch her more. She kissed me passionately, in a way that wasn’t shy or nervous, nor demanding, just... eager. She kissed me in a way that could one mean that she wanted one thing, and neither of us were being shy about what that was.
“Mmmm,” she hummed, forcing me backward. She sat on the edge of the bed. Her fingertips played with my hair, pulling me down as I hovered above her. I kissed her skin all over; her jawline, behind her ear, the neck, the shoulders, the plush skin of her breasts that swelled underneath her bra.
“You’re so cute,” she sighed.
That was the thing about Emily and I. I’d never experienced something like this. As horrible and sexist as it sounds, I never thought I’d be in a relationship that would really... change me as a man. I never thought I’d be in bed with a girl and not be just thinking about how fast I could get her naked. I’m not saying that I didn’t want her. Because man, did I want her. But wanting in a whole other way that I hadn’t experienced with anyone before. As I kissed her skin, I wasn’t just trying to be romantic or whatever. I actually felt like I cherished her. She was really something else. She was this... this energy that I just couldn’t wait to consume me. I wanted to soak her up, take in her scent, the taste of her lips, the feeling of her hands all over my skin...
These were the thoughts running through my head as I unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off. These were not the thoughts of a normal testosterone crazed teenage boy. And I guess that’s how I knew I was so in love with her.
She giggled and played with me, pushing me down and climbing on top of me. I stared at her as her hair fell down around her face, just barely touching my skin, and she’d never looked so beautiful as she did then. Then again, I can remember several times when I told myself that she would never be any more beautiful than in that moment. But she always managed to surprise me. In that moment I realized, yes, I would tell her what happened, but I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t leave her alone. The love that I felt in that moment could never just... vanish. I knew, that no matter what, she would continue loving me. It wouldn’t feel like it, but we’d be okay. I would fight for her and remind her every day that I am in love with her. I would.
My epiphany was interrupted by her lips pressing against mine so softly it sent shivers throughout my body.
“What’s wrong?” she asked me. Her eyes no longer looked playful, but instead, hurt.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I just think I might love you a little too much.”
She gazed at me and slowly began to smile again. Giving me that infamous smile.
“That’s impossible.” she said in a whisper.
I said nothing, staring at her, feeling paralyzed by the moment. She sat on top of my legs still, but her weight was nothing to me. Her bare skin radiated and her smile made me nervous, nervous like the first time we’d slept together, even though there had been many times since that night.
All of a sudden she got this crazed look in her eyes as she smirked at me, and it was a look I recognized, and missed. She leaned towards me, her hand on my neck, fingertips brushing against my face. Her lips moved close to mine, so close that I could feel the warmth of her breath. My heart raced as she parted her lips to speak.
“Show me how much you love me.”
I sat in the passenger’s seat of Alex’s car as he drove me home. He pulled into the driveway and parked, taking his seatbelt off but not moving. “Are you coming in?” I asked.
“Nah, I think I’m gonna go home, kick it with my mom, you know.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Think you can manage without me for a night?”
“Hmm, I dunno, it might be too hard,” I said sarcastically.
He reached across the car and messed up my hair, then put his hand on my leg, looking at me with this odd, glazed over look. His lips were upturned in the beginnings of a smirk, but his eyes had a sadness in them. “I love you,” he said matter of factly.
“You’ve been so weirdly sentimental ever since you got back.”
“I know,” he said shortly, still looking at me. “I just missed you, a lot.”
I smiled at my best friend, replaying our “date” in my mind. The date was really us just getting fast food and taking naps and fake arguing and playing, the same things we did every day, when he used to be here anyway. And I felt so comforted after hours of just the same old shit. “I love you too Alex,” I said in the most genuine way that I could.
“Be at my house by 6 tomorrow, got it?’
“Got it.”
“Oh, wait,” Alex said as I stepped out of the car. “Tell Matt to come out here real quick.”
“Um, okay, will do. Goodnight Alex.”
Matt’s POV.
“I take it you haven’t told her yet.” Alex’s tone was cold, and tired, hopeless even.
I looked down, not being able to face him, knowing what he probably thought of me by now. “Wait, you didn’t say anything right?!” I said, panicked.
“Of course I didn’t. That’s all up to you,” he said with a bitterness that was only meant to hurt me. “Look man, I’ve been where you are. I mean, not exactly. But whatever. You’re still my best friend, but you hurt Emily. She doesn’t know it yet, but you did. And I just spent all day with her knowing that. I’m... I’m not trying to lecture you. But.. I just don’t know man. She’s the best girl I’ve ever known, and I don’t want to hate you right now but I do, because I love her and I spend every moment protecting her. And I can’t protect her from what she’s about to feel. But you have to do it. You have to.”
“Right now? I can’t now.”
“Before we leave, she better know.”
I sat in the car motionless, my eyes facing forward. My body felt numb as his words resonated in me. My eyes shifted quickly to look back at him, and I noticed that he looked just as hurt as I’m sure I did. I sighed and stepped out of the car, going back into the basement. Emily and Jack sat on the couch, watching TV. She looked over at me and I had to compose myself quickly, knowing that the expression on my face would give away so much.
“What’d Alex wanna talk about?”
“Oh, nothing,” I responded shortly. She looked at me, clearly curious, but dropped it. I sat down next to her and she leaned into me, kissing me softly on the lips. She looked at me, her face just an inch from mine. She looked tired, but her green eyes still managed to shine in the dimly lit basement. “I missed you,” she whispered, her lips barely forming a smile.
As I stared at her I wondered how I came to be here. I thought back to many months before, when I first met her. I looked into her eyes and felt my heart flutter, questioning how I got in this position. How did I ever come to love her so much? I didn’t care how sappy or cheesy or cliche it was, every time I stared right into her eyes, I fell in love again. Her eyes made me wonder things, think crazy things, think about how no one loved her this much before I did. They made me think about how lucky I was to actually be so young but so in love. “I missed you too,” I said, smiling at her, and it was no lie.
Our sappiness was interrupted by gagging noises coming from Jack. Emily stretched out her leg and kicked him in his shoulder. “Shut up Jack, you’re just jealous because no one misses you.”
He raised his arm to flip us off without shifting his attention to the television screen.
“Let’s go upstairs so Jack can be alone to masturbate because he doesn’t have a girl to love him.” Emily grabbed my hand and tugged at my arm, leading me up the stairs. As we reached the top of the first flight of stairs, she turned around and smiled at me, giggling as she grabbed my shoulders, pulling me towards her for a kiss. I couldn’t help but smile and laugh along with her. My hands touched the soft fabric of her shirt, tugging it up lightly, feeling the smooth skin of her back and hips.
“Ooh,” she said, shivering as her arms covered with goosebumps. “Your hands are freezing.”
“So warm me up,” I said, smirking at her. My hands fell down to her thighs, pulling her up against me, her legs wrapping around my torso and arms lacing around my shoulders. She kissed me and giggled as we walked to her bedroom, the house silent and the night still young.
“Being romantic is a lot more difficult than it looks,” I said in between kisses, my lips still pressed against hers.
“Please don’t drop me,” she whispered.
“Oh I’d never do that sweetheart.”
I opened up her bedroom door as we reached the top of the stairs. I set her down on the bed and fell onto it along with her. “Damn, after all that heavy lifting, I’m ready for a nap.”
“Oh shut up,” she said as she crawled on top of me, leaning in for kiss after kiss.
After a few short moments, she pulled away and left off of the bed. She was still wearing several layers of clothing; a light winter jacket, a scarf, a shirt, jeans, slip on shoes. She stood next to her closet, mindlessly scanning it as she kicked off her shoes and snaked out of her scarf.
“Hey,” I said as she began to unbutton her jacket, “I thought it was my job to do the undressing.”
She grinned at me nervously from across the room. “Come help me then.” Her voice was smooth and seductive, lingering in the air, everything about her in that moment was so alluring and perfect. I walked towards her to pick up where she left off, undoing the last few buttons. The jacket fell hard against the floor. I reached towards her waist as I lifted up the hem of her t-shirt, it crawled up her torso and she lifted both of her arms. She giggled softly as I pulled it over her head, it was so meek and quiet even I could hardly hear it.
Her dark brown hair fell over her bare skin, contrasting perfectly with her skin. She looked up at me and smiled sweetly. All other thoughts escaped me, all I could focus on was her. She mimicked my motions and slid her hands beneath my shirt, pulling it off quickly. Soft hands found my skin, her skin grazed over mine, on my neck, my chest, my back. My skin warmed with anticipation as she stared at me with the slightest smile that was all her own. The feelings she omitted with just that smile could never be replicated by another.
“You are such a tease.”
“I am not a tease,” she said with a laugh, fully aware that she was. “You’re the tease.”
“Just come here already.” My voice sounded less than demanding, but desperate.
Instantly she replaced any space that had been between us before, the skin of her stomach felt so hot up against me, only making me want to touch her more. She kissed me passionately, in a way that wasn’t shy or nervous, nor demanding, just... eager. She kissed me in a way that could one mean that she wanted one thing, and neither of us were being shy about what that was.
“Mmmm,” she hummed, forcing me backward. She sat on the edge of the bed. Her fingertips played with my hair, pulling me down as I hovered above her. I kissed her skin all over; her jawline, behind her ear, the neck, the shoulders, the plush skin of her breasts that swelled underneath her bra.
“You’re so cute,” she sighed.
That was the thing about Emily and I. I’d never experienced something like this. As horrible and sexist as it sounds, I never thought I’d be in a relationship that would really... change me as a man. I never thought I’d be in bed with a girl and not be just thinking about how fast I could get her naked. I’m not saying that I didn’t want her. Because man, did I want her. But wanting in a whole other way that I hadn’t experienced with anyone before. As I kissed her skin, I wasn’t just trying to be romantic or whatever. I actually felt like I cherished her. She was really something else. She was this... this energy that I just couldn’t wait to consume me. I wanted to soak her up, take in her scent, the taste of her lips, the feeling of her hands all over my skin...
These were the thoughts running through my head as I unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off. These were not the thoughts of a normal testosterone crazed teenage boy. And I guess that’s how I knew I was so in love with her.
She giggled and played with me, pushing me down and climbing on top of me. I stared at her as her hair fell down around her face, just barely touching my skin, and she’d never looked so beautiful as she did then. Then again, I can remember several times when I told myself that she would never be any more beautiful than in that moment. But she always managed to surprise me. In that moment I realized, yes, I would tell her what happened, but I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t leave her alone. The love that I felt in that moment could never just... vanish. I knew, that no matter what, she would continue loving me. It wouldn’t feel like it, but we’d be okay. I would fight for her and remind her every day that I am in love with her. I would.
My epiphany was interrupted by her lips pressing against mine so softly it sent shivers throughout my body.
“What’s wrong?” she asked me. Her eyes no longer looked playful, but instead, hurt.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I just think I might love you a little too much.”
She gazed at me and slowly began to smile again. Giving me that infamous smile.
“That’s impossible.” she said in a whisper.
I said nothing, staring at her, feeling paralyzed by the moment. She sat on top of my legs still, but her weight was nothing to me. Her bare skin radiated and her smile made me nervous, nervous like the first time we’d slept together, even though there had been many times since that night.
All of a sudden she got this crazed look in her eyes as she smirked at me, and it was a look I recognized, and missed. She leaned towards me, her hand on my neck, fingertips brushing against my face. Her lips moved close to mine, so close that I could feel the warmth of her breath. My heart raced as she parted her lips to speak.
“Show me how much you love me.”