Take It Slow, 'Cause I Can't Be on My Own

Four more days passed, summer had begun. I hadn’t seen Jack nor Alex since the night of their graduation. I guess that was to be expected. I still hadn’t spoken to Matt. Not a text or a phone call had been sent, and none received. I wondered what he thought; was he waiting for me to call, or had he accepted it and forgotten about me already? I really had no idea what sort of guy he was. I didn’t have the slightest clue of what I should do about the entire ordeal. Maybe if Jack weren’t my brother, the answer would be obvious. But of course, things are never that easy, are they? I knew that if things continued with Matt, his friendship with Jack would be long gone. I didn’t understand why he didn’t care about that. But the more important question that really caught me was, am I even reading for this? There is only one person that could tell me what was right.

I took out my phone. The screen lit up the dark room. I dialed the very familiar seven digits.

“Hello?” His voice immediately soothed me.
“Alex, I need you.”
He instantly sounded panicked, “what is it, Emily? What happened?”
“Nothing, nothing,” I reassured him. “ I just really miss you. You said things wouldn’t change and now I haven’t seen you in four days.”
“I’ll be right there.”
“Don’t bring Jack,” I quickly sputtered before he hung up the phone. I imagined him pulling himself out of his disheveled bed and running down the stairs and out to his car within seconds of the phonecall. He was always reliable about those things.

When he walked into my room, just as I had suspected, he was a mess. His hair was unruly and he desperately needed to shave. His shirt had stains on it and his shoes were untied. “You didn’t have to rush right over. You could have maybe… showered, or something.”

He hopped into my bed and buried himself under my blankets. I crawled under the duvet and cuddled up next to him. I didn’t really know how to tell him, so I decided to just be honest and blunt and come out and say it. “Alex… I., well. I kissed Matt. And I like him. And I - I think I want to be with him. And Alex, I know Jack is your best friend in the world, but just this once, put me in front of him, just this time, and do NOT tell him. Please.”

“Emily, seriously, calm down. I already know?”
“What? H-how could you possibly know that?”
“Well, for one, I’m not an idiot. And I saw him kiss you at his house last weekend. You two aren’t very sneaky.”
“You knew and you didn’t even say anything?!” This was so unlike Alex.
“I figured you’d tell me when you wanted to tell me.”
“How did you know though? Before you saw, I mean.”
“I’m your best friend. It’s so incredibly obvious, Emily.”

He was being so calm while I was completely shocked.

“Do you think Jack knows?!”
“He doesn’t have a damn clue.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. Alex and I layed in silence for a few moments until I finally spoke. “Alex, I need you to tell me what to do. I like him, or.. I think I really could. But Matt is all wrong for me.” I rolled over and faced him. His eyes were still red and tired.

“I wish that for once you could forget about what Jack thinks. He’s not your father. But honestly, Emily, I’ve known Matt for a long time, and maybe you don’t see it, but Matt is exactly what you need right now. You think he’s wrong for you, but I think he’s perfect for you. Maybe Jack doesn’t see it, but I know Matt sure as hell does and he doesn’t give a damn what your brother thinks.

I wanted to argue back, offer some sort of rebuttal, but I knew Alex was right, and suddenly, I knew what I wanted. “I love you Alex Gaskarth,” I sighed as I laid back down and closed my eyes.

“I love you too, Emily Barakat,” he mumbled before closing his eye and falling asleep next to me.

/

I woke up about two hours later feeling completely refreshed and brand new. The brief conversation with Alex reassured me of anything I’d been doubting. I walked over to my bed and shook Alex’s shoulder in an attempt to wake him up. His eyes peeked open just enough to see his deep brown irises. “I’m taking your car, I’ll be back in a while.” He gave no sign that he had heard me, but I knew when he woke up he’d know where to find me. I dug through his pockets searching for his keys. I was just a few months shy of sixteen but I could drive well enough as to not wreck. I barely remembered the way there, but when I parked on the street and stood in front of his house, I felt confident once again.

He answered the door sporting boxers and greasy hair. He needed to shave and like Alex, looked sleep deprived. I didn’t know exactly what these graduated boys had been doing, but I knew it involved a lot of partying. He looked confused when he saw me , but under bloodshot, hungover eyes, I could tell he was hopeful.

“Emily, what are you doing here..?”
“Matt, I was a fucking idiot to you the other night. I hope you still want.. Whatever it is that you wanted. Because, well. Fuck it; I’m here now.” He was silent, which sent me into a panic. “I, uh, I mean, I barely know you. You barely know me. But I don’t know, Matt. I’m trying here. So… please, say something.”

Silence.
Moments passed as he continued to give me a blank stare.

“My favorite kind of ice cream is mint chocolate chip. have one older sister named Megan. I have a collection of all things Mickey Mouse. My favorite song by New Found Glory is Head On Collision. I play guitar. I hate onions. I love the beach, and I love living in Baltimore. I actually miss Dulaney and I’m scared as hell about what I’ll do for a career. My last actual girlfriend was two years ago and I couldn’t stand any other girl I’ve gotten to know. And lastly I’ve been asking Jack to finally meet you for the past year but for some reason he didn’t want me to, and, well, now I know why.”

“W-what..?”
“Your turn.”