Secrets

I walked home with tears in my eyes. How did this happen? Why did I let this happen? I was still having vivid flashbacks that were not helping one bit with trying to forget. I couldn’t shake the memory of Jake’s face right before he ran out of the school.

I felt like crawling into a hole; disappearing from everything that went wrong. All I wanted was for him to like me, maybe even love me… the way I love him… But I couldn’t allow myself to love him anymore. I knew I needed to get over him now, as soon as possible, but I also knew, deep down, that I wouldn’t be able to. Not now, at least… Maybe not ever.

I walked into my empty house, thanking my lucky stars that I didn’t have anyone waiting for me when I got home. My mom and dad both worked late, so I had the whole house to myself, to sulk, cry, and eat ice cream as I pleased… At least until six o’ clock.

I plopped down on the couch with a bowl of ice cream. I turned on the tv, and just sat there… Stuffing my face. I took my cell phone out of my jacket pocket, and went straight to the last message he sent me. I felt my face get red hot as I clicked through the steamy messages we sent back and forth. I felt tears of embarrassment trying to escape my eyes. Then I just let them fall.

I eventually cried myself out. I curled up in a ball on the couch and just sat there, contemplating what I should do now. I had two choices. I could go to school tomorrow and face all the people that were bound to be talking about me, or, I could stay home, make a pig of myself, and lay in bed all day. The second option was sounding more appealing, and I was thinking of a way to fake sick tomorrow, when the doorbell rang. Well, that was weird. My parents never rang the doorbell.

I looked through the little window on the front door, and saw Embry standing innocently on my front porch. I smiled and opened the door. “Embry…? What are you doing here?”

“Oh… uh, well I can leave if you want me too. But I was just thinking you might want some company. But if you want to be alone, I understand… but yeah…” He trailed off, and stared intently at his feet, as if they were suddenly the most interesting things in the world.

I made a face. A confused, happy, sad, grateful face. “Please, Embry. Come in.” I opened the door wide enough for him to step in.

He looked around, intrigued. “So, uh… Are you okay?”

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the decorative mirror behind him, and knew saying I was great wouldn’t be very convincing. So I just shrugged.

“Yeah, I figured that much. But it’s always nice to have company, right? I mean, unless you like to be alone when you’re dealing with this kind of stuff.” Embry smiled weakly, seeming slightly uncomfortable.

“Well, believe it or not, I’ve actually never been in this situation before. So, I don’t actually know what I would prefer. But, I think you’re right. It’s definitely nice to have someone around.” I cracked a smile.

He laughed, but then he got serious. “What are you going to do when everyone finds out?” He said it like it was inevitable. But then again, after Algebra today… I guess I couldn’t really avoid it.

I shrugged again. “I haven’t thought about it too much. It’s not really their business.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean they won’t talk.”

I knew he was right. “Well… I don’t know what I’m going to do… Unless you know a sure way to get my parents to believe I’m sick.”

He laughed. “Well… actually.”

“I should probably show up tomorrow, shouldn’t I? I mean, if I don’t, then everyone is going to know for sure. And they’ll probably believe whatever he says.”

“I don’t think he’s going to say much. He seems pretty upset about everyone knowing as much as you.”

I sighed… “I guess we’ll see…”