You're Holding My Heart

It had been a month since I had found out I was pregnant and I hadn’t been able to tell anyone because I was embarrassed, because I didn’t know what to do and because I didn’t know how to deal with anything that was happening. But I wasn’t going to be able to hide it for much longer since the normal symptoms had started just a few days ago.

All I had to do was talk to Chris Weitz the New Moon director who actually was very nice and needed to know so we could schedule my shooting before my baby started growing.

“Hello sweetheart! Come in, come in.” Chris said.

“Good morning.” I said nervously taking a seat in front of him.

“Weren’t you supposed to have a day off? We are going to film a part of Victoria’s sequence in a bit.” He smiled.

“I need to tell you something…” I started while playing with my fingers.

“I’m not sick…”

“That’s great!” He said happily interrupting me.

“I’m pregnant.” I said biting my lower lip.

I cried all the tears I had to cry about this baby probably never going to meet his father but right now I had to worry about my career before I could worry with this baby.

“Oh…” Chris became very serious and held my hand in his.

“We’re going to change your schedule so you can shoot all your scenes before that beauty starts growing.” He said caressing my belly smiling sweetly.

“Thank you and…” I said.

“Don’t worry nobody will know.” He said giving me a soft hug and then returning to his active personality.

“Thank you.” I hugged him.

“Want to come watch?” He asked.

“I need to study my lines, sorry.” I said as he shook his head and went his way.

My first scene was the one in the woods when Edward says goodbye to Bella and the whole Cullen family leaves. I locked myself inside my room and started studying the pages of lines while thinking that tomorrow I would see Rob for the first time in a month.

~~Next day~~

The next morning I did what I had missed, I took breakfast with Kel, Taylor, Ashley, Nikki, Jackson and Peter. For the looks of things Taylor and Nikki were no longer together and they made it clear since he was sitting beside me and she was in the far end of the table.

I stood up to go get some food with Kel by my side both of us laughing at things we were talking about when I found a blue pair of eyes staring into mine from a table at the corner. It was Robert with a cigarette in between his fingers and looking nervous, we stood there staring at each other intently until I snapped out of it and went back to what got me to get up in the first place.

“You okay?” Kel asked waiting in line behind me.

“I think so… I knew I’d see him today.” I said sighing.

Rob’s presence disturbed me because I still loved him and I believe a part of me would always love him that was the thing that attached us. When I heard the songs he wrote for Twilight’s soundtrack I honestly cried because I missed him but the past couple of weeks had been an emotional victory.

I still hadn’t forgiven Rob and I was far from it but I was happy to see Kel and Charlie together as so as Gaby and Jojo, they all deserved true happiness.

I lost track of time so the next thing I knew I was ready and in my place to start the scene. I honestly felt very nervous because of Rob, how was I supposed to face him?

“Ready guys? Roll it.” Charlie said.

I opened the truck’s door as soon as I saw Rob on the other side dressed all in black with contacts and very pale skin. I closed the door and walked towards him.

“Hey.” I greeted a little awkwardly.

I had to be professional and be Bella and not Paty.

“Come take a walk with me.” Rob said coldly motioning with his head forward.

We both started walking with him in front of me into the woods until he stopped by a tree and turned to me.

“We have to leave Forks.” He said.

“Why?” I asked making a slightly shocked face.

“Carlile’s supposed to be 10 years older than he looks, people will start noticing.” Rob said still talking in that monotone tone, a cold tone.

“Okay… I’ve gotta think of something to say to Charlie.” I said.

Then silence took over us as I took a deep breath.

“When you say we…” I started looking into his eyes.

“I mean my family and myself.”

“Edward what happened with Jasper, it’s nothing.” I said shaking my little a little bit, in this moment for Bella it was heartbreak.

“You’re right it was nothing. Nothing but what I always expected and nothing compared to what could’ve happened.” He said now looking away.

“You just don’t belong in my world Bella.” The power in that sentence really made me feel bad and I had to try to remember my next line.

“I belong with you…”My voice faded, almost a whisper.

“No you don’t.”

“I’m coming.” I said with decision.

“Bella I don’t want you to come.”

“You don’t want me…” I trailed off.

“No.” I could feel the drama building up.

“This changes things, a lot.” I started nodding without breaking eye contact.

The scene went on with the dialog between me in Rob in which Edward tells Bella that she isn’t right for him, he wanted her to promise that she wouldn’t do anything reckless and he says goodbye. In that moment Robert got closer quickly and embraced me tightly kissing my head deeply. For a moment I thought this wasn’t just for the scene, this embrace… it had another meaning.

I opened my eyes and Chris cut the scene, however Rob was still holding on to me.

“Robert?” I asked my voice getting muffled by the fabric of his clothes.

“Robert?” I called louder after no answer from him.

He slowly let go without a word and stared at me for some minutes as an assistant showed up with water and a towel. He followed him to his chair while I stood up there trying to control my emotions specially the ones that pulled me towards Robert, towards his embrace and towards his lips.

“Paty ready?” Chris said now on my side.

“Yes I’m ready.” I said mechanically sounding a bit robot like.

In the next scene Edward had just disappeared after embracing Bella, so she found herself all alone in the woods and she was so desperate for him not to leave that I was supposed to start running inside the woods yelling for Edward.

“Action!” Chris commanded.

I counted to three inside my head and then starting looking around calling for Edward desperately, I started walking to the places I knew the cameras where while my face showed both despair and sadness. Then I reached a part of the forest that was darker so we could pretend that was already night and I tripped over a log falling on the dirt and leafs, I rolled onto my side crawling into a ball gasping for air deeply while crying.

I was there for minutes waiting for Sam Uley played by Chaske to arrive, I heard him stepping through the leaves as I pretended to be unconscious as he picked me up in his arms and started carrying me.

“Alright good job everyone.” Chris said smiling.

Chaske set me on the floor gently as I winked at him playfully.

“Great scene there.” I always choked while drinking water when I realized it was Robert’s voice.

“Thanks you too.” I said walking away as his arm wrapped around mine and stopped me.

“Let me go.” I said softly, the last thing I wanted was to make a huge deal out of this because I could really live without all the paparazzi that had been chasing me and all the questions journalist and fans had been making about me and Rob.

“We need to talk.” He said forcing me to turn towards him.

“There’s nothing to say.” I said.

“You can’t run from me forever please just listen to me.” He begged looking into my eyes.

“Don’t ask me that Robert, not now.” I said turning my back to him quickly and walking off leaving everyone looking at us.

I controlled myself until I was sure nobody could see me and then I bursted into tears. I headed out of production setting and out of the woods and towards the hotel, on my way there I started remembering the first scene Rob and I did and that made me start falling for him, the Biology class scene.

~~~~~~~~~~

I was nervous because on one side I was going to stand next to Robert Pattinson and because I wasn’t sure if I would be any good with the dialog.

I had to act strangely which wasn’t hard because I felt strange but when I saw him smiling at me before the scene started I felt myself melting. We did the dialog but we had to repeat the scene over and over because both of us would just start laughing at the other.

“Can’t you just stop laughing?” He asked laughing himself.

“No, I’m sorry.” I apologized trying to regain my composure as so as Rob.

After that we did the scene in one single take.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The tears kept going down my face as I slowly realized that it would harder than I thought just to be close to him because all I wanted was him but how was I supposed to trust him?

Although all those problems overcame my mind I knew I loved him and that was what caused me more pain.