Status: Active

You're Holding My Heart

11

It was around 6 am and I was standing in front of the mirror of my bathroom apartment. I had lost weight, I was paler and to my sadness my hair had started to fall drastically. I had another Chemo session today so I wouldn’t probably be able to attend a premier in Spain two days from now, which I wanted Robert to attend but he was very reticent about going.

I walked back to the bedroom where Robert was sleeping peacefully, I laid and I crawled closer to him, placing myself in between his arms but I couldn’t fall asleep. My mind was wondering: wondering about my family, about work and if I would be able to continue. Nobody gave me a second to think about it but the truth is that the odds predicted that I would probably die and I was scared.

Suddenly Rob groaned and opened his eyes reluctantly.

“What time is it?” He asked, his voice was hoarse but sexy.

“6 am.” I replied softly.

“Can’t you sleep?” Rob asked caressing my cheek. His touch was warm against my freezing skin.

“No, I don’t know why.” I said.

“Do you want me to make you breakfast?” He asked still whispering but his eyes were wide-open.

“No, no. Go back to sleep. I’m just going to cuddle with you.” I smiled.

Rob smiled back and opened his arms so I could get closer to him and he wrapped them around me. A few hours later I was ready to go to the nearest clinic and Rob had insisted to come with me. I must admit that for the past few months I have seen how amazing he is. He had never left my side ever since we found out about my condition and for that I would be eternally grateful.

Inside the clinic, I sat in a comfortable chair and Rob pulled another to sit in beside me. He had brought books, an Ipod and even his laptop with some DVD’s. We were there for about 2 hours and the fact that he was there made everything, instantly, better.

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Tears ran down my face as I slowly passed my hand on my hair and the strands followed my fingers. I kept crying and weeping realizing that I was becoming bald, which was scary and sad at the same time. Suddenly Rob appeared at the door of the bathroom and he stood there, without saying a word.

“Don’t look at me. I look hideous.” I said my tears multiplying as I tried to hide my head with my hands.

“Don’t say that. You’re beautiful.” Rob said approaching me but I took a step away from him.

He deserved better. He deserved a normal girlfriend, who he didn’t have to take to the hospital, give medicine, help eat or shower. He deserved so much better than this. He insisted on approaching eventually backing me to a wall. He carefully removed my hands from my head as I still cried almost hysterically and he pulled me into a tight hug. He kissed my head and whispered:

“You’ll always be beautiful to me. You are the strongest woman I know and I’m very proud to be beside you.”

“But you deserve better than this…” I said my voice failing, my face was soaking wet by now and my throat completely ruined.

“Better moments will come and I want to live them with you. I want to be with you in every moment whether it is good or bad.”

I sighed and kept crying not believing that such an amazing guy could really love me after seeing me like this.

“I want to shave my head.” I affirmed.

Rob looked me in the eyes, realizing that I was serious, he nodded and walked away from me to bring a stool and a razor machine.

“I can do it myself.” I said but Rob forced me to sit down as he stood up.

“Please let me.” He said, his eyes also filling with tears. I nodded silently and when the noise from the machine started I shut my eyes and bit my bottom lip, tears sliding down my cheeks.

Rob’s hands were slightly shaky but when he started it took only a few minutes. The tears kept going my cheeks when suddenly I felt something warm wiping them off, I opened my eyes and Rob was kneeling in front of me. Tears were twinkling in his eyes and I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him close to me.

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Tonight Rob and I were having dinner at Ashley’s and I was very nervous. They were my friends but none of them had seen me without hair yet, even though, I would be wearing a scarf around my head.

I missed my friends and I was motivated to go but I was afraid of receiving pitiful stares, I was afraid that they would change towards me just because of how I was. My body was different and I was different, I was much calmer and I did things more slowly now because I got tired very easily due to the treatments.

“Are you ready?” Rob asked dressing a jacket over his shirt, while I tried to tie the scarf around my head properly. “Let me help.” He smiled going behind me, tying the scarf perfectly so it wouldn’t fall. “Perfect.” he smiled kissing my cheek. I smiled back and he grabbed my hand confidently as we left the house.

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I was kneeling in the bathroom throwing up while tears streamed down my eyes. I yelled in despair and I felt all my strength leave my legs. I couldn’t stand up, I felt so weak and I was more scared than ever. Chemo was tearing my apart.

“Paty? Are you alright?” Rob asked rubbing his hand along my back.

“No… Can you help me go to bed?” I pleaded.

“Of course.” Rob said as I put my arm around his shoulders and he helped me to my feet. Then he picked me up bridal style and took me to bed. He laid me down gently and covered my body with the sheets and covers. Then he sat next to me and started reading a book.

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2 Weeks Later

I was sitting impatiently outside my doctor’s office. Rob was sitting next to me and he looked to me from time to time with a smile, he was surprisingly calm while I was anxious. I had been taking Chemo sessions for about 3 months now, I had done some exams last week and today I was going to know how my situation was evolving.

After half an hour we were finally called him. The doctor felt optimistic and said that my cancer cells had not spread with was very good but Chemo wasn’t killing them as fast as he wanted, so I needed a transplant. I was already on the list and he was sure that the surgery would happen very soon.

After the appointment, I called the representatives and producers of the Twilight saga. They told me that I still had 2 months to take care of myself but then the shooting of Eclipse would start with or without me.
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Hello everyone!
I'm so sorry for the long wait but college took all of my time. Fortunately, I spent a few hours thinking about this story and I have planned it completely. Expect at least one update per week (or more).
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