A Taste of Peppermint

When we reached the house we all lived in temporarily I stepped inside and called my brothers name. I could hear Frank shutting the door behind us but all my focus was on finding Mikey.

Then he stepped out of the kitchen. He had a worn Anthrax T-shirt and was wearing what seemed to be pajamas pants. My brother was eating cereals directly from the box. He grabbed a handful, shoved it in his moth and chewed lazily.

“Is something up?” he asked after swallowing then grabbed some more.

“That’s nasty, dude,” Frank said, scrunching up his face.

“M’hm,” Mikey replied, “that all?”

“No, your brother threw a fit about you being left alone. Then stormed back here. He like, blamed me.”

“I thought you’d made sure someone stayed to look after him,” I muttered, glancing evilly at Frank.

“How was that my responsibility?” he asked defensively while turning at Mikey for support but he just shrugged.

“Because you wanted to go out for lunch!”

I realized that I had raised my voice quite a bit. Soon I would be yelling but I didn’t care.

“So?” he replied, throwing his arms in the air.

“So?” I repeated. “So it was your damn responsibility to make sure someone stayed here too look after him!”

I pointed at my brother who was still munching cereals seemingly unaffected by the quarrel.

“He not a dog, Gee.”

Frank was definitely loosing his patients with me.

“And he’s not a damn kid. He can look after himself. Right Mikey?” Frank finished as he once again turned to my brother.

“I guess,” Mikey mumbled with his mouth full of half chewed cereals.

“Yeah, because he didn’t do anything insanely crazy when you two lived together?” My voice was dripping with sarcasm but as always Frank ignored it. Or maybe he just didn’t notice?

“You mean during the recording of ‘Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge’? I remember,” my friend chuckled. “I still can’t believe some of the things he did."

“I know,” I sighed, finally calming down somewhat. “It’s insane.”

I tiredly rubbed my eyes while Frank on the other hand started to seem more and more amused.

“It is. Like when you said that Mikey would bring the heather into the shower and plug it in,” Frank laughed. “You could have seriously hurt yourself, dude,” he ended; his last sentence directed towards Mikey who only responded with a faint smile.

“That’s why he needs to be watched,” I sighed.

“But didn’t Bob return home?” Frank asked while knitting his brows.

Slowly my cheeks started turning red. It was beginning to seem like I had thrown a tantrum for nothing.

“He’s not here,” Mikey butted in. He had finally put those cereals away.

“And besides, while we where out Bob was out too. Which means that you did leave him on his own,” I said trying to restore some of my dignity. Unfortunately that was a loosing battle.

“Maybe Ray was here, yeah?”

“No, he’s out running I think,” Mikey informed us.

“Okay, so he has been by himself,” Frank admitted. “But nothing happened.”

“Not this time, no,” I said giving him a knowing look.

“I still don’t see how it’s all my fault. Like you couldn’t have looked it up,” he muttered.

“Whatever.”

I started walking away with an unpleasant feeling of being defeated hovering over me. Also there was this sense of being humiliated, which I of course blamed Frank for when in reality I had brought it upon myself.

“And I almost freaked out when you started running back here, babbling about Mikey hurting himself. I thought he’d like turned self abusive or something!”

“Like hell you did,” I said over my shoulder.

“Gerard, hey! I’m still talking to you. Hey!”

“Whatever,” I whispered more to myself than to them.

“He’s your damn brother!” Frank yelled at my back. “If you’re so fucking worried why don’t you baby sit him yourself!”

There was a short pause as I started heading up the stairs and even though I couldn’t see him I knew Frank was clenching his fist in fury.

“This is all your fault and you know it! I know you, tantrum boy! You’re just mad because you got worked up over nothing. You’re just angry at yourself. So stop taking it out on me!," Frank screamed at my disappearing frame.

At his last comment I froze. I could feel my jaw tensing up and my lips sliding back, exposing my teeth in a grimace. A perfect image of anger and frustration. Then I turned around. Standing at the top of the stairs I looked down on Frank. He was cursing silently, his eyes sliding past my face never really focusing on me. Just as well because if he had he might had charged at me.

“This is not my fault,” I said, my voice quivering with restrained anger. “But you’re right about one thing, Frank. I should have looked it up myself. I made a stupid mistake.”

Perhaps he thought I was confessing something here. Giving up. Saying I was wrong. Think again Franky boy.

“Next time I won’t trust you,” I ended energetically.

He was going to say something but he had a hard time getting it out, his mouth opening and closing spasmodically in rage. Even from this distends I could see the disbelief in his eyes. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to care. I hate loosing. I hate being wrong.

“Oh, and yeah, Frank,” I spitted out, interrupting him as he was just about to speak,” ‘If you want something done, you’ll have to do it yourself’, that one familiar? No? Well, that’s one proverb I know and I’m gonna start living it by the letter from now on.”

After that I whirled around practically storming to my room with Frank’s yelling voice haunting me all the way.

I really must admit that ‘tantrum boy’ suits me. And it suits me just a bit too well for me to feel comfortable about it. It’s kind of funny in a way though how this geek with the girly laughter lashed out like a rabid dog. And I was pretty much unchallenged by my friends when I was in a bad mood. Sure Frank and Ray would stick up a bit but not even they ever really got to me. I would distort their words and shove their mistakes in their faces, explaining away my own and in the end they would too apologize. Regardless if it all was their fault or mine.

I’m better now. No, really I am. Ok, so I do have relapses but most of the time I can argue like a sane person.

Anyway, while the boys would give up, with Randi, on the other hand, it was a different story. She wouldn’t let me get away so easily. That girl was sly. If I had been smart, if I had been just a tiny bit cautious, I would never have provoked her. But to challenge her was just too tempting for me to resist. I thought I could suppress that proud glint in her eye. I wanted to see if I could tame the lion like streak of her mind. But wild creatures don’t let anyone put them in a cage just like that. And even if you do capture them you have to remember that they’re still wild. I think forgetting that was my biggest mistake.