The Killer in Me is the Killer in You

Progress, I thought I made some progress but it was just one big lie. It was all gonna be so perfect ,but now..........

Back at the beginning, just like where I have been 3 weeks ago and rest of my life before those 3 weeks. How could I be so stupid?! It was all so abvious. Everyone knew it. Exept for me. No one ever told me, didn’t give me any hints , nothing! Ha, ofcourse they didn’t, for them I was nothing more then entertainment. The geek,the morron the dumbass which was so easy to take out on. Always.

Even though it happend every day, I never got used to it . Everyday the same words , over and over again. Yeah, every single word hurts so badly.

Why had it to be me?

I walked over to my mirror to get my answer. There he was, me. People didn’t like me beacause I was diffrent. I wasn’t a handsome skinny guy playing a sport. I was fat, sucked at PE and far from handsome.

But I’m more then that , I’m a person with my own personality. Ha,They never took the time to get know the real me better. It made me feel so sad thinking about it.

How does it actually feel to be pretty or popular?
When do you know if some one is your friend?

The way Marco act to me felt pretty good but he was a liar. He used me.

So how does it feel to have a real friend to hang out with?

I whish I could feel it. Even if it was just for one day. One single day, 24 hours en no second longer than that. But I knew that was never gonna happen, and I was gonna make that for sure. I was sick of it all and tired of fighting .This all had to stop now. The pain was getting unbearable and it was time for my revenge. Marco and all the others will pay for what they have done!

Again I looked into the mirror. A tear was roling down my face. A tear of fear and regret. I wish this was all just a nightmare. That I wake up in the morning and can say that it was just a nightmare and there’s nothing to worry about. But my life was a nightmare, it was reality. I had to face it everyday and today I had enough. For some how I was still hoping for a miracle. A miracle that is never gonna happen.

It was Monday and just a normal schoolday. Monday 23rd of April. This was gonna be my day!

For the last time I took a shower and dressed myself. I walked over to my closet and opened it. There she was lying, in the right corner. My baby. I grabed her and slipt her in my pants pocket. “You and I are gonna make history,honey.” For some how it felt wrong. I felt kinda guilty but that feeling was not gonna stop me. I made my decision and this was my time.

When I walked into the kitchen my mom was busy making my lunch for today. She looked up and smiled gracefull to me. It hurt me. I didn’t want to make her sad. She don’t deserve that. She was always there for me when I was down. And I was her thankfull for that. But she had to understand that I was worn out and that I’ll never make some progress. Ha, she was so happy the day I told her I made some friends. She believed in me, all the time. ‘This is your reward Andy’ she told me. Yeah,right. It all turned out so diffrent. Marco was a liar. I never told her cause I felt so humiliated.

“ Here hon, your lunch and eat this as break fast” she hand me my blue lunchbox plus an apple. “Thanks mom.” “Have a nice day honey.” I smiled weak. “Mom?” “Yes sweetheart?” Mom...... I love you.” “I love you too, now go because you’re gonna be late for school.” “Yes mom, bye” and with that I left.

‘Have a nice’, she should have known.

By every step I took my legs felt heavier. I felt my baby pooking in my legs. The walk to school felt so long, longer than normal. Then finally I reached my destenation. School, or should I call it hell?!

History was my first class. How ironical. For a few seconds I stood there by the door. So many thoughts stuck in my head. This was gonna be my last hours of pain. I was gonna write history. This .... was my.... revenge. My heart was beating faster and faster. I could feel the blood streaming in my veins as I open the door.

28 faces were staring at me. “ Your late Andy” me teacher said angry. For a few seconds I was stunned and nailed to the ground. This was it. And Then I starded to sing.

Someone else’s P.O.V.

Mr. Matthews had just started his lesson when the door went open. It was Andy, the nerd of the class. He got bullied alot. It was so sad to see. I wish I could help him but I was just to afraid to get bullied too. Yeah, I was a loser I know. Everytime I tell myself to walk over to him and have a chat. But instead of that I walked away. A little loser.

“Your late Andy” Mr Matthews said a bit pissed of. Andy said nothing he just stood there. Why wasn’t he just going to his seat? Then after a few seconds he started to sing.

I see it around me
I see it in everything
I could be so much more than this

Every one started to laugh at him and was making fun of him.
It was sad to see. But I have to admid it looked stupid. Why was he doing this, was he high or what?

I said my goodbyes
This is my sundown
I'm going to be so much more than this

I knew that song. It was My Sundown from Jimmy Eat World. One of my favorite bands. The song was beautiful so honest. It made me smile.

Andy was still singing it and the rest was still laughing at him. Mr. Matthew went mad and started to scream at him. Then Andy put his right hand in the air and started to sing harder.

With one hand high you'll show them your progress
You'll take your time
But no one cares
No one cares

Wait a minut, he had something in his right hand. Was that a gun? Oh my god.... it was a gun! Was he serious. Where was he up to? Killing us all? No way, this must be just a bad dream. Just a bad dream Darius!

It wasn’t. More and more people realised that he was helding a gun and it stared to get silent. Andy just stood there and song.

I need you to show me the way from crazy
I want to be so much more than this

With one hand high you'll show them your progress
You'll take your time
But no one cares
No one cares

“That’s right you guys, no one cares. You all just don’t give a fuck about me, and you know why? Because I’m not like you!.” Andy stopped for a minute and then went on talking. “You all made fun of me. That hurt. But why the fuck should you care” Andy raised his voice “ you don’t have to feel that pain. But I do. Everyday over and over again. I didn’t have any friends until 3 weeks ago. Marco, I thought you were a real friend. But you just used me. I was good enough for your math homework and that was all.”

Marco got angry and stood up to say something but he didn’t got the change. Andy pointed the gun to his head.

“You have something to say, Marco?” “Yeah, at firs yeah, you were only good enough for my math and the second thing is fuck of with your toy gun, loser!” “Toy gun,huh?”
Andy was starting to get angry. “ Well let me help you out of your dreams!” Then Andy pulled the trigger. A gunshot was audiable.

I closed my eyes still telling myself that this was nothing more than a bad dream. Some girls in the back were screaming and other people were crying. Slowly I open up my eyes again to say what was going on. Marco was lying next to his seat in a pool of blood. There was a red little hole in the front of his skull.

Andy’s hands were still shaking like crazy.

“Andy, put down that gun and talk to me” Mr Matthews said calm.

“No, you can’t change my mind!” Andy screamed. “I have listen to you guys for way too long and this is MY moment MY revenge! No one, one in this class room, no one in this school building, no one in this world is gonna stop me now! I’m gonna write history and you all will remember me. I’ll haunt you the rest of your life and you will feel guilty.”

“ I just wanted to fit in” Andy continued softly. His voice was cracking and he started to cry.

“You still have that change” Mr. Matthews said. “Hell yeah, now I’m helding a gun my hands you all will yeah. You are just too scared to die.”

“But And...”
“Shut up!” Andy interuped Mr M.
“Andy...”

Now Andy walked over to the front of the class not listening what the teacher was saying. And once again he shot. This time right in the chest of Mr. Matthews who fell to the ground. Probably dead.

Andy’s P.O.V.

My hands were shaking as I point to gun back to the class. In all faces I could read frigh. They were all scared to die. How selfish! I,I and I, that’s where the world was all about these days. In some faces I could read regret and that’s just what I wanted. Regret. From now they will carrie it their whole life.

It’s funny when you think about it. Cause they have to see therapist to get over it and you’re the blame. Ha, wasted money! But after all it’s their own stupid fault.

They laughed hard when I song the song My Sundown from Jimmy Eat World. But as soon as they found out I had a gun it wasn’t that funny anymore. Hmm....... how strange.

Jimmy was my favourite band. They helped me through a lot of shit. Like alot of music did. Music was something beautiful.It can make you feel like flying but also help you falling down.

Suddenly I snapped out of my thoughts. Back to reality. Me holding a gun in my hands.

From now on I was killer. I just killed 2 people. In first place it shocked me but now thinking about it........... it felt awesome. Finally I had the control. They were all looking up to me. Maybe not because I was populair but I couldn’t care less about that. It must feel the same.

Unfortunately I had to stop it now. My minutes of fame were over. I had said what I wanted to say and now there was nothing more for me to do.Or maybe there was just one thing left to do.

“Guys, I’m sorry for this all but this was the only way to show you cause, would you listen to me if I just walk in the class and started to talk? No. Would you listen to if I came over to you and talk to you. No. Would you listen to me if I started to scream? Neither. Yeah, maybe you’ll remember me as a bad person because I killed 2 people. But isn’t it your own fucking fault? Oh, and don’t come with the apologize ‘he could have talk to us and say it right our the faces’ cause I tried and like I said you all just don’t want to listen. Again, sorry that it turned out this way and I hope you learned all of it. Goodbye you guys.”

With that I pointed the gun to my own head. I was getting my peach. I’ll never have to suffer again. This was not the way I wanted my peach but this was the only way to get my peach. With my left hand I reached to my pocket. There it was. My letter to mom. I’ll hope she understand it, yeah she will. She knows as no other my pain and grieve.

So this was it. With my bloodshot eyes I looked to my class mates. Their faces still full of fright and regret. “Goodbye.” I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger one last time.

Darius P.O.V.

“Goodbye” he said and with that he pulled the trigger and killed himself. Everyone in the room was quit and one bye one people left the room. After a few minutes everyone left and I was alone with 3 dead boddies.

I stood up and kneeled down Andy’s bodie. “ Hey buddy, I’m sorry for never talking to you. I didn’t mean to hurt you cause I really did want to talk to you but I guess I was to selfish. I wish you could hear me. Not to accept my apologize but just so you know that you were not alone. And Jimmy Eat Wolrd is fucking great band.My Sundown was my favourite song of them. Your taste of music rocks dude. Rest in peace Andy.”

I felt the tears running down my face. I felt so guilty, this didn’t need to happen but it did. I stood up again and walked to the door. I looked behind me one laste time. What I saw was 3 bodies lying in a pool of blood. Breathless, cold and lifeless.

Good goodbye lovely time.
Good goodbye tin sunshine.
Good goodbye I'll be fine.
Good goodbye, good goodnight.