November Rain

I threw pebbles off the rooftop, barely hearing them hit the sidewalk at the bottom of the building. But my teeth felt like they’d be permanently clenched. I felt sick too. Like every possible thing that could be wrong with me is.

Why does he have to like her? What’s so good about her?Besides t he fact that she’s been deemed the prettiest girl in school by not only Bridyn but multitudes of other guys.

For once I didn’t feel like sleeping. I feel like staying awake and staring angrily at my shoes.

Why am I so angry this time? It’s not like he’s never gone out with a girl before. In fact, he’s gone out with many girls before. Is it because Sammy knows now? Is it because she’ll tell if I ever break up with her. I don’t want to be tied to her when I don’t even like her. Maybe I’m just tired of all of this.

Bridyn didn’t even invite me over today… But… I suppose it’s understandable seeing as how I’ve been an asshole lately. I can’t help it though! I don’t know what it is, but it’s so difficult this time to watch him be with someone else, to hold some girl, kiss her, hug her, hold her hand. I want it to be me. That’s all I want. I know it’s too much to ask though.

I wrap my arms around my legs and bring them in towards my chest before resting my head on them and closing my eyes. This is what I skipped class to do anyways. Why isn’t he here today?

Is he okay? Was I too much of a jerk yesterday?

Then the door opens, the metallic sound of the hinges creaking as it does so. I don’t bother to glance up because I already know who it is. Sammy.

“I guess you’re feeling lonely today because Bridyn’s not here, right?”

I give her the most hateful glare I’ve ever given anyone at that phrase because it shows just how much she’s toying with me.

“I heard that he was up all night partying with Vanessa. Maybe he got so drunk that he forgot what day it is. Maybe they were up all night fucking.”

“Shut up! Just shut up!” I raised my voice, making this the loudest I’ve ever spoken in a very long time. She’s lucky I didn’t just hit her.

“You know what the price is for breaking up with me, right?” She asked, a poisonous smile on her face.

“I didn’t say I was breaking up with you…” I whispered, defeated.

“Good,” she purred.

*~*~*~*

“Kannon?” I heard Bridyn’s voice call to me as I was just about to fall asleep on the desk.

I lifted my head just enough to mumble, “Where were you yesterday?”

“Well, me and Vanessa were at a party and-”

That verified Sammy’s story for me. No matter how much I don’t like, Sammy was probably right because Vanessa is one of her friends.

“Big shock there,” I snarled out.

“What’s your problem? It’s normal for me to go out with my girlfriend isn’t it?”

Right, that’s right. He’s the one who’s normal, I’m not. I’m the one who’s not normal. I’m the one getting worked up and angry because I have a crush on my best friend and he’s going out with girls.

Instead of using that revelation to calm myself down, I just get angrier. What’s wrong with me lately? Last time I checked, guys don’t have PMS.

“Not if you’re getting drunk and doing shit you shouldn’t be doing and missing school,”And not being here with me.

“Kannon-”

“Shut up. I’m going home,” I can’t be around him like this anymore. I need some time to cool off.

*~*~*~*

What’s wrong with me? I couldn’t believe I just told him off like that. Maybe I need to stop being around him. Maybe that’ll end it, maybe that’ll end these feelings. But it’d also end our friendship.

All I know is, I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t want to hurt myself either.