November Rain

I stand there, pouring myself a second shot of vodka. I down in immediately and go for my third, because I know if Vanessa catches me she’ll drag me onto the dance floor and right now I just wanted my shots. I am about to pour the delicious drink when it is suddenly slapped from my fingers.

The small glass shatters across the floor an I don’t even notice who did it so I shout, “What the hell?” Can’t this ass see I wanted to get fucking hammered?

I turn and am shocked to see who is there. “Is this what you do at every party you go to? You get drunk?” Kannon seethes.

“What do you care?” I snap. “According to you, we’re not friends anymore.” It hurt more than anything to say that, because I still want to deny it. I still want to think that Kannon and I are friends and that right now is just…a bump in the road.

“I tried to find you so we could straighten this mess we call a friendship out!” I don’t know if he knows it, but his hands are shaking and his teeth are clenched with anger. I feel this guilt within my stomach and I wonder if he does too. “But then I see you here with all this alcohol and…what am I supposed to do? Commend you on trying to be an alcoholic?”

“Oh come on Kannon, it’s-” I go to explain that this is nothing to do with the alcohol, but he cuts me off.

“Don’t. Just…don’t…I want to be your friend again, but not if…not if you’re drinking…” His voice has become nothing more than a whisper and I bite my lip because I want so badly to reach out and scream at him. Stupid, stupid Kannon! But he shakes his head and walks away, leaving me there in the aftermath.

Although the music is blasting and the children are playing I can hear the door slamming and the car backing away. I know it’s Kannon and I feel like complete and utter shit so I don’t even bother with the shots. I chug from the bottle.

And all I can think is fuck, I’ve really screwed this up. We were doing so well, lasting so long in our friendship, and I really thought it’d be forever. That we would be forever, as cliché as it sounds, but apparently high school is just as they say.

It’s full of surprises.

So I chug down that bottle of vodka and slam it to the floor. Glass shattering, scattering for whatever poor person to stumble upon. And I grab another because tonight I am going to get so hammered that in the morning I will be puking for hours and begging for relief.

But tonight will be worth it.

I’ll forget about Kannon and the way his smile makes my day. I’ll forget about the way his eyes sparkle when I’m around and that smirk that is almost invisible, but it’s there, whenever I do something so utterly stupid that it’s amusing in his eyes.

I am going to forget about that boy and our friendship. Everything we’ve ever done is going to be put onto a “I don’t care and I’ll fuck with this later,” shelf in the back of my mind. And it will stay there until the affects of the alcohol wear out.

And that is exactly what I do.

I don’t drink it. I inhale it. I drown myself in pure bliss and go to the dance floor where I try to dance with Vanessa. I can’t see what she’s doing or if it’s even here actually because everything is blending together and I can’t tell left from right.

But her hands are down my parents and lips on my neck. I’m blinking my eyes I know it, but every time they open or close all I see is him and that…that expression he left me with.

The hurt, the pain, the regret and everything else. But my fuzzy mind can’t really seem to find out what was the matter so I allow Vanessa to take me upstairs. She’s stripping the both of us, but in my fucked up mind I don’t like it and I snarl.

I don’t know what the girls reaction is as I storm out of the house. And when I reach the outside the vodka is telling me to stumble around like the fuck up like I am and I do and I fall to the ground where I pull out my cell and go to speed dial.

The boy answers and maybe if I were sober I’d be surprised. But everything right now is nothing to me, really and I laugh into the phone, saying something in a drunken slur and I don’t know how long I sit in the lawn until he gets here with a rather large scowl on his face.

When I see it, that scowl, I smile because Kannon is in front of me. Although all I can see are bright colors, flashing lights, and the booming music is so loud in my ears, I can somehow see Kannon perfectly clear. He’s standing before me and he picks me from the ground, taking me to the car where he tosses me into the passenger seat.

“Ha, ha, Can-in your ‘itty is wicking my toe,” giggles erupt from my chest, the vodka working its magic. Scoffing, Kannon takes me up to his room where he throws me onto his bed and I laugh. “I always ‘ew you wiked it ‘ough, daddy. ‘Ive it to me!”

Why are his eyes so large? My mind can’t tell because it’s a mush inside my head. But I do know one thing. I don’t like the way he’s frowning at me or that sad look in his eyes so I throw my arms up and wrap them around his neck, bringing him down beside me.

“Bridyn, what the hell?” He hollers, but I snuggle into his chest, which is just as comfortable as I thought it’d be. He’s like a big old teddy bear that is all mine. Mine. Mine. Mine!

“Mm, I missed my Can-in,” I slur, yawning in the process. “It not ‘ight without Can-in. His pertty eyes and butt…headedness. I wuv it all…don’t ‘eave me Can-in.”

And I’m sure if I were sober I wouldn’t have said that or let Kannon wrap his arms around me in a way that was more than friendly. But my drunken mind doesn’t catch onto it and the truth comes out. I giggle and kiss the side of his mouth, which is ten times better then any fuck with Vanessa, and I sigh contently falling asleep in the arms that I should have let hold me long ago.