November Rain

I open my locker, leaning in to grab what I need, only to shout in terror the moment a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. Spinning, I come face to face with a rather smug Kannon. Growling, I shove him away. “Asshole! You scared the shit out of me.”

Shrugging, he leans in to kiss me, but when I see Joey down the hall I smile and wave, quickly shouting, “Joey!”

Kannon ends up pecking my cheek since I turned before he had time to pull away. I don’t look at him because I know if I do I’ll feel bad. I just…I don’t want to kiss in public. What will the guys think?

“Hey man, what’s up?” Joey laughs, throwing an arm over my shoulders.

“Nothing,” I reply with a grin. Ah, Joey, you gotta love him! He’s so much fun, always cracking jokes with me, unlike Kannon who just glares at me and calls me stupid.

Well I have some information for you! Kannon, you are the stupid one. Stupid, stupid Kannon!

Speaking of Kannon, he leans against the row of lockers, staring at Joey and I while we talk about the football game last night. I’m throwing my arms about, because I’m cool like that while Joey nods in agreement and shouts along with me.

The bell rings and I follow Joey towards class, waving good-bye to Kannon as I do so. He waves back and I kind of feel bad for not kissing him good-bye like most people do but…we’re guys…he doesn’t need all that affection.

Right? Right.

“Dude, are you fucking serious? You’re such a fairy.”

I pout and kick Joey in the shin. He simply cackles and continues to tease me. “A movie date? I mean, what the hell…I don’t even know how you’re dating in the first place!”

I cross my arms and lean back into the desk. The guys all laugh around me, poking fun at the fact that Kannon and I are dating and have been for about two weeks now.Best two weeks of my life. I know they don’t mean anything by it, they’re just joking around, but still just about everything they say makes me squirm.

They’re right. I am a fucking fairy now. I don’t know how we even started dating or why we are. I mean, yeah I like him, and he likes me, but how do we know it’s not just loyalty? How do we not know that we just care about each other like brothers or something?You wouldn’t make out with your brother, would you?

And we’re both guys. Don’t get me wrong. I am perfectly ok with guys being gay. They can fuck whoever they want, love whoever they want. I honestly don’t care, but I’m another story. I’ve been chasing skirts my whole life.

Girls. Girls. Girls. It’s always been about girls and it should be. I should be straight. My pride just doesn’t want to let me be gay.But it’s Kannon…

“So are you two going out this weekend too?” Joey elbows me playfully in the side. And although they’re all just laughing and poking fun at me, I still feel like shit.

So instead of telling the truth, I lie. “No. We aren’t, actually.”

“Really?” Joey perks up at the comment and smiles. “Awesome, man. How about we all head to mine? My parents will be out and we can just pig out on beer and pizza.”

All the guys cheer and automatically give in. I know I shouldn’t, really I just shouldn’t, because Kannon and I made plans. We’re supposed to be going to the carnival, but it’s here all of this and next week so we can re-schedule or something…but still, I know I shouldn’t agree, but I do anyways.

“I’m in!” I smileand just like that I ruin everything.

“What?”

“I’m going over Joey’s this weekend. I mean, we can always go to the carnival next weekend, but I haven’t hung out with the guys in forever! So you don’t mind? Of course your don’t because that means you can sleep, lazy ass.”

Kannon’s expression doesn’t change to be honest I was kind of hoping it did. A part of me wanted him to stand up and beat the shit out of Joey for stealing his boyfriend for the weekend. A part of me wanted to see him scowl and get jealous. A part of me wanted him to just try and argue with me and talk me out of it…but he doesn’t and I feel this slight pain in my chest.

Does he really care? I bet he’s even asking himself that about me…

“Whatever.” He shrugs and I bite my tongue to keep myself from screaming at him, begging him to do something about it even if I’d argue back.

“Cool, thanks!” I throw my arms around him and squeeze. But before he can react I pull away and hop into my desk, going into a long detailed explanation on why school is a useless creation.

And when the day is over Kannon and I are walking out of class. In the parking lot I feel his hand brushing my own and I look from side to side. No one is here so I let him wrap his hand around my own. I intertwine our fingers and look towards my side to see Kannon smiling too.

I flush and quickly look away, because I shouldn’t like this. I should be thinking about a girl right now, but when I do it just dulls the sensation. If I think of Vanessa or Megan Fox even, standing here holding my hand or kissing me, it just isn’t as good.

I bite my lip and sigh. I’m really screwed aren’t I?