November Rain

I stared blankly at the paper before me like it was a joke. Another history assignment. I yawned and put my head down on the desk, letting my eyelids fall.

“Kannon!” Bridyn yells like I’m still affected by his wailing. I’ve learned to sleep through worse. I suppose I won’t ignore him this time though and so I lifted my head and gazed sleepily at him. “Help me with this!”

Why did I stop ignoring him again? I rested my hand on my palm while shutting my eyes. “Do not go to sleep on me! I know that deep down you want to help me,” he said, and I could just feel the smile on his flawless face of his. I wanted to help him, but then again, I didn’t. I did because I like him, but I didn’t because I can’t seem to find the will to.

If you all think you read incorrectly, then let me say it again. I like Bridyn. I have for a long time. But he loves women so goddamn much. I don’t even stand a chance. Women can be the worst, always complaining when you don’t spend enough time with them or even when you spend too much time with them. I mean, I’m sure there are good women out there. I’m always trying to make it work out with one but it never does. I mean, if I could make it work with just one of them, maybe I wouldn’t have to face the fact that I’m gay. So that maybe I could like a normal life. None of them are as charismatic or hyper or adorable as Bridyn. When he’s around I feel balanced, you know? He makes it seem that I’m not as uncaring as I really am.

“I don’t really think I do,” I told him, sighing. “Let me sleep.”

People say I’m too cold to be friends with. They’re right. Except for Bridyn. We’ve known each for as long as I can remember. I don’t really realize when I’m being cruel to people so I can’t really help it. Bridyn seems to be able to shrug off any insults I throw at him. That’s probably how we’ve been able to stay friends for so long. I’m fairly certain that I’d have more friends if I were just a bit nicer, but like I said, I don’t seem to realize when I’m being mean. I usually just think of myself because everyone else is just… a hassle. Well, I suppose it keeps me out of the normal high drama bullshit.

Sometimes I wonder if I’d like to be just a bit more like Bridyn, having people surrounding me, having pure energy flowing from my fingertips. Because I swear he does. Maybe I’d understand people a bit better and get along with them instead of blowing them off. I can’t seem to understand human nature, I guess. Perhaps I’m a robot. Except for the fact that I sleep too damn much. Though, I’ve heard that you can die from sleeping before you die from hunger, even. That doesn’t scare me. I mean, I’m usually up… for four hours of the days. At most.

“Now I’m definitely gonna fail the class!” He pouts, cutely at me.

“Hmm…” I agree with the tired, cold tone I always use.

“What, are you having girl problems again? That’s so like you,” he laughed, “That’s why you’re in such a bad mood today.”

“So, what is it? I thought you and Sammy have been getting along pretty well. I’m mean she’s the only girl you’ve gone out with for more than a month. I’m proud of you for making it last a whole year,” he laughed again.

“I’m not having problems with her,”Girls just aren’t my thing. I grit my teeth at that thought. Sammy isn’t particularly annoying and she doesn’t try to start shit, but it feels like she’s going out with me more for my looks than for my personality (who would go out with me for my personality anyways?)

Yeah, I guess Sammy’s okay.But she isn’t Bridyn. But the thing with Bridyn is, you can’t tie him down. But I want to cage him, make him mine.

If only I had been female.