November Rain

I stare up at my ceiling, blankets circled around me in a bunch to protect me from the chilly air. I sigh and roll onto my side and glare angrily at the wall across from me. It‘s not because I‘m angry, because I‘m not, really! I‘m just…

Confused, I guess. Stupid Kannon…not only does he fuck with my head with those big damn words, but he tried being unusually affectionate for the past two days! I don‘t know what to do.

He keeps trying to kiss me in public and damn it, I want to kiss back, but…it‘s just so weird. I‘m not use to this. I need time, but I don‘t know how much time. I mean, Kannon and I are best friends and that‘s what I always thought we‘d be. Best friends.

Boyfriends though…I never even imagined that. I never thought about it before, although it makes so much sense. My skin always tingles where ever he touched me. When he said my name, I‘d shiver. I always got jealous of Sammy or any other girl stealing him.

When he stared at me, I‘d feel on top of the world, because I had his attention. It was me that he woke up for, that he talked with, that he cared for, and that he put out effort for. It always made me feel so great, but I‘ve never actually acted on those feelings.

This is just too sudden for me. Kissing a guy, dating a guy, making out with a guy, fuck I just…I don‘t know…

“Bridyn, phone!”

I roll out of bed and reach for said object. When I press it against my ear I hear an all too familiar voice on the other line. “Bridyn.”

The sound of my name rolling off his tongue makes me shiver. I bite my lip because I’m not use to this. No matter how much I deny it, Kannon still drives me crazy.

“Hello asshole, what’s up?” I laugh, rolling onto my side and curling up in my covers. Stupid mother, she left the damn windows open! Now I’m freezing to death, what a whore. I’ll get my revenge!

Kannon scoffs and the sound is expected so I just smile and wait for his lazy ass reply, “I’m coming over.”

“Oh?” I look down at myself and suddenly I have this urge to throw something nice on. But I shouldn’t, because I’m not a girlbut I am Kannon’s boyfriend. I should look nice for him. Fuck you conscience! No one likes you, so shut the fuck up. “Ok, whatever you say.”

And before anything else is said he hangs up. I shrug it off and toss the phone to the side. A couple minutes pass and I realize, damn I should really put something on. But…that’d make me feel so girly! I whine and kick at the covers. Stupid, stupid Kannon! This all your fucking fault.

I scurry around my room, trying to find something, which ends up being a pair of skinny jeans that I normally never wear because they suffocate my balls. I need those! But I put them on anyways because I’ve been told they make me look good. And I throw on a plain gray t-shirt. Just as I do my mother calls, “Bridyn! Kannon is here!”

I squeak and run to the closest mirror, check my hair, and realize that it is “acceptable.” Just as I do Kannon comes into my room, staring at the mess on my floor that I created while trying to find something to wear. Yeah, fuck you Kannon. Don’t look at it like that, it’s your fault!

Said boy eyes the room and as he does I hear my mother downstairs shout something about leaving with dad and coming back later. I shout an ‘ok’ back at her and Kannon makes his way over to me. I feel my heart picking up its pace and I can’t help but ask myself what he’s going to do.

Mom and dad are gone. I don’t know what’s going through his mind, but what’s in mine isn’t actually PG-13 I can tell you that much. Of course it’s not that. Sex with Kannon is just…that’s way too early for me to even think about, so I simply stand there and wait patiently for him.

When I feel his hand against my cheek I stare at him in confusion. Seconds or minutes pass by, I’m unsure, but he doesn’t move. What the hell is his problem? Is he going to kiss me or what? Ah…does he want me to kiss him? Fuck no, he’ll probably just make fun of me about it!

And after what feels like an eternity, he leans in, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. I barely have time to kiss back before he pulls away. When he does I’m suddenly worried, because there’s a scowl on his face and his hand drops to his side.

“What?” I ask, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head and looks to the side. Shit, what did I do wrong? Was I not supposed to try and kiss back or something? What the hell! I don’t know. I may be a relationship guru but when it comes to my own relationships I’m totally fucked.

He better tell me what’s wrong or so help me I will shove a two by far up his ass. Yep, it’ll leave splinters too, which will only make it worse!

“Why do you do that?” Kannon asks out of the blue and it breaks me from my train of thought.

Tilting my head to the side I question him, “What do you mean? Do what?”

“You kiss me at home, as long as no one is around, but in public you just pull away. We don’t hold hands, hug, kiss, fuck we don’t do anything Bridyn!” His words once started out as whispers, but by the end of it he’s shouting, which frightens me, because Kannon is too much of a lazy ass to shout. “You always fucking check to see if anyone is watching. And if they are you push me away. Damn it, if you don’t like me then don’t fucking date me!”

“That’s not it-” I try, but Kannon must be really pissed, because he grabs me by the arm and holds on tight, probably so I don’t run away, and cuts me off.

“Then what is it, Bridyn? Was it just the spur of the moment? Are you dating me out of fucking pity or something! Don’t humor me, Bridyn. Don’t go along with this just because you don’t want to lose your best friend.”

“That’s not fucking it!” I holler, shoving Kannon away. “Fuck you, don’t automatically assume what’s going on in my head.”

“Then what is it, Bridyn?” Kannon growls, taking a menacing step forward, making me take one back. “What the hell is wrong with you?”