November Rain

Bridyn was quiet after that.

“Then what is it Bridyn? What the hell is wrong with you?”

My grip on his arm loosened and he jerked it away from me before turning around. Maybe he didn’t want to face me. Maybe I truly disgusted him now.

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” he said quietly. “Is there?”

“Well, if you didn’t want to go out with me in the first place you should’ve said something! I expected you to turn me down anyways! Couldn’t you have just spared me and turned me down then?”

The tearing pain in my chest came back, tenfold at this mess.

“I didn’t know it would be so weird! It’s weird to kiss you. It’s strange to hold hands, and hug. I mean, we’re both guys! I’ve always been with a girl and you’re not a girl, in case you haven’t noticed!” He yelled, swiftly turning back to me. “I can’t kiss you in public because it’s weird! I hate thinking ‘what would they think of us? If it’s weird to me, it must be weird to them as well.’ And they’re just watching! Being together is just weird!”

I don’t want him to mean that, but the look in his eyes says that, yes, that is indeed what he meant to say. He really didn’t even spare my feelings in that rant, did he? My chest felt like it was collapsing.

“So…” I paused, not able to find the words. “I was just… an experiment to you? You wanted to know what it was like to be with a guy? And it was weird so now you want to go back to girl, right?”

“Kannon-” He tried to stop me with his words, but failed.

“Save it. It’s okay. Liking girls is natural. Just go back to what you know best,” I said. I didn’t even know how my legs were keeping me standing. I just wanted to hold him and tell him that I wouldn’t let him leave me. But I want him to be happy.

“But I-” his voice was kind of weak as he tried to speak.

“It’s better this way…,” I whispered, my voice finally cracking. Even though I held the same emotionless mask on my face, I could feel a tear slip down my face. I held it at that though. I didn’t want any more than that to happen.

Then I turned to leave, shutting the door behind me.

Bridyn was right. I am the stupid one. Stupid, stupid Kannon…

I shrunk down into the driver’s seat of the car and started it.

Despite being played around with as an experimentation, I still like him. I still like him so much. I was serious about him. But we can’t go back anymore. Not to being friends.

I started up the car and turned in the direction of my house.

*~*~*~*~*

I didn’t speak to Bridyn at school anymore. How could I? You wouldn’t speak to your ex’s after you broke up with them, would you? Right.

But now I have no one. I had no idea how truly lonely I could be without Bridyn.

It’s like, without him I can barely operate. After all, he was like my battery.

I suppose it’s something to say that he was mine… at least for a little while, right?

…Right?