November Rain

Maybe sleep is like a fix for me. The only defense mechanism I have. Besides my ‘cold’ personality. I really wanted to sleep right now.

Seeing his eyes light up like that at the mere mentioning of Vanessa. Makes me sick, sick of being awake. I don’t want to see that sparkle in his eyes unless I cause it.

Obviously, that was why Sammy said that and it pissed me off. It looked like it was true earlier when she invited him to her party.

Strangely, I didn’t want to cry. I just wanted to sleep, I craved it like heroin at this point. Okay, maybe my chest hurt a bit too.

I let out a sigh of relief when the last bell finally rang and walked lazily out to my car. And then I spotted Sammy following me, that sick grin on her face told me she was going to rub it in my face that Bridyn only likes girls. She also probably expected a ride.

She slipped in through the passenger’s side, like she was entitled to it. And for now, she was, just so she would keep the secret. “Vanessa really does like him, you know.”

I didn’t open my mouth to speak, I didn’t do anything. Maybe it was because I was hurt or maybe it was just in my personality to do that. I’m too lazy to be pissed? I supposed I wouldn’t put it past me. Maybe I just know that arguing with her wasn’t going to help the tearing pain in my chest.

“They’ll probably hook up at the party,” she grinned, thinking she’d made me angry or hurt me.

“I’ve seen Bridyn hook up with a lot of girls. Vanessa’s no different,” I told her in that same cold tone I used all the time.

“Well. We’re going to the party tomorrow. Vanessa invited me for backup,” she said.

“I don’t want to go,” I told her.

And then she leaned in, hovering just above my lips once we were in her driveway. “Oh, love, I don’t think you have a choice.” She kissed me and pulled away, saying, “I hold the cards.”

~*~*~*~

The next day at school, Bridyn was talking about Vanessa. Nonstop. I know he can’t help it. He really likes her, but it still hurts. This is how it always is.

He likes someone, he talks about them a whole bunch with that motor mouth of his and I end up beating myself up because he’s going out with some pretty girl instead of me. And every time he’s going out with said girl, I think, “maybe this is really it, maybe she’ll be the one for him.” I know that’s not true because he never stays in a relationship very long. But then I make the same stupid promise to myself that I’ll tell him how I feel before he finds someone else.

But I never do and I probably never will. It just seems like… a waste of time since he likes girls so much… and last time I checked, I don’t have boobs.

“You think she’ll ask me out at the party?” Bridyn asked, the sparkle in his eyes evident.

“Only if she’s hit rock bottom,” I mumble, poking fun at him. That comment makes him jut out his bottom lip in acute pout.

“You’re so mean to me! Why are we friends again?” He squeaks.

“So I can keep you from doing stupid shit,” I said, laying my head down back on my arms and letting my eyes flutter shut.

*~*~*~*

I sipped on pop I had in my hand. I could’ve had beer, but I didn’t. It tastes bad anyways. Sammy was at my side, trying to play the loving girlfriend.

I kept Bridyn in my sight at much as I possibly could when he wasn’t talking to me.

But I wish I hadn’t.

I wish I hadn’t seen him with his lips on Vanessa’s. Congratulations Bridyn, you got her. You got the prettiest girl in the school.

I feel like sleeping… So I escape the party by going upstairs. Sammy probably didn’t follow me because she’s too busy wallowing in her victory…

I push a door open to see a couple making out on a bed. The look I had on my face was enough to tell them to get out.

Then I curl up on the bed and for once, it takes me a few minutes to fall asleep because of questions like, “will anyone look for me after the party?” or “will Bridyn even realize I’m missing?”

He probably will. That idiot always finds me.