You're Trapped In Your Past

I'm still awake.

It's four in the morning and I can't sleep. My head is buzzing with thoughts that I don't want. I'm in Oliver's arms lying on his chest absentmindedly tracing his tattoos. His arms around my waist are suffocating me, even though he's barley holding me and more or less resting his arms on me. I couldn't breath, I felt like I was drowning and in the corner of the room I heard the infernal buzzing of my cellphone. It had been going of all day long with phone calls from people who were the last people I wanted to talk to. I decided to slip out of Oli's arms and go to the corner of the room to retrieve my phone.

I had 40 missed calls 20 new voicemails. I had no new texts so I could only assume something horrible had happened backhome in Las Vegas. They've all been calling for days now and I've been trying to ignore it. I've been putting on this mask because I don't want Oli to worry let alone learn of anything that happened before we met. Sure he knows about the traveling to find myself part, but my family and friends and life in Vegas? He has no idea what a mess I truly am. And I intend to keep it that way. He brought me out of a dark place once and wasn't about to be as pathetice and weak to let it happen again. But now it's time to face the music. I dialed my voicemail and waited for the first massage to start.

Hey Maya, it's Ryan, you know you should really answer your phone. Anyways I was talking to your mom and she says your Grandpa is really sick and he's not going to make it. Your mom really wants you to call or come home or something I mean we don't even know where you are and it would be super nice of you to come home at least to try and see him one last time if not just for the funeral. Well that's it please just call we don't even know if you're okay, you haven't answered your phone for days... bye.

Maya, it's Tyler, I went to see Gita the other day he's not doing to well he says he saw you the other year or so but I think he wants to see you one last time. Besides we all want to see you it's been what six years? It would be nice to at least know that you've gotten this message. I know you've been calling us on the phone but it's not the same as you actually being here. If you don't come for us at least come fo Gita.

Sweetie it's your mother. Gita died today. His funeral and will reading is next week and he told me he wanted you to come. It was pretty much his dying wish. And right now, I really just need my baby girl back home. I know I've been a terrible mother but please I want to make it up to you. I all I really want is to know you're okay and to hold you. Six years has been too long please baby just come home. I love you.

That was enough to send me to tears. I had to leave the room to avoid waking Oli who would probably sleep for another four hours or more. That was the first time my mom had said she loved me in a while. I decided to take a shower. I let the boiling water turn my skin pink, but I couldn't feel it, my world felt numb. I never wanted to go back. But i needed to, if not for Gita for my mom. I actually felt bad for her and that was strange.

When I was finished with my shower I looked outside to see England's usual gray, rainy weather. I sighed it made me actually long for the dry heat of Nevada. I decide to put on a pair of gray tights that were covered in rips and a baggy black t-shirt that came to mid-thigh that had The Ramones printed across the front. I then went into thei kitchen and sat on the counter and stared out the window then decided to get myself some cereal and a glass of milk. Once I was finished pouring my milk and back to sitting on the counter just to see Oliver walk down the stairs in just a pair of skinny jeans.

"Yer worried abou' somthin' yeh neveh eat breakfas'" he said as he sat down next to me placing his head on my shoulder.

"I do eat breakfast" I retorted.

"No' since we go' back togetheh, and yeh drinkin' milk like I drink alcohol, yeh onleh do tha' when yeh worried an' it's real milk not soy so yeh mus' be real worried what abou' sweeteh?"

"It's nothing Oli, really I just got a call from my mom"

"Yer mum? I though' yeh two didn' talk"

"We don't."

"Well we're goin' on tour in the States in three weeks so we can visit her then." He kissed my temple and got up and walked out the front door. He hadn't noticed my tears so maybe I was in the clear. He then walked back in and sat down next to me with the mail. "Yer new issue of AP is here" He said handing it to me. And that's when I saw the four familiar faces of Escape The Fate staring back of me. I dropped the magazine like it was on fire.

"Oli, we need to go to the states like today"

"What? What's the matteh?"

"My Gita died yesterday and I- I just need to get home besides the tour starts in Las Vegas so we can just meet the guys there"

"Yer Gita?"

"My grandpa it's Ukranian, please Oli can we go like today?" I looked in his eyes for the first time that day.

"Of course I'll go buy the tickets."