Being in Love With You Has Driven Me Insane

Mom sent me to the store (because Casey is lazy) to get butter and eggs, since somehow she forgot them when she went shopping last night. I loved her cooking (but then again who didn’t) so I wouldn’t complain about having to run to the store. But of course I was going to get something extra.

I went to the isle that had the Little Debbie snacks. Yeah I’m a freaking 21 years old and I still want the little Christmas tree cookies. Sue me for thinking they were fucking delicious, in the words of Rian Dawson.

As I got my cookies I started to walk out of the isle but bumped into somebody.

“Sorry.” We both said at the same time even though we had realized who each other was.

“Um hi.” Jack said in a quiet voice.

“Hi.” I said in the same tone.

Things between us had never been as awkward as they had become now. Usually we knew what to say and how to say it but now we had nothing. Nothing was the same because there was nothing there.

“Uh tell your mom I said hi.” He said in the same awkward tone.

“Yeah you too.” I said as we walked away from each other unable to bare more awkwardness.

My eyes shot open without me moving, interrupting the dream (or flashback) of what happened during Christmas.

Lately this had been happening a lot. Dreaming about Jack. I don’t know why and I had no idea what was going on or if this was a sign.

It was still dark and Martin’s arm was still wrapped around me and he was still asleep. I turned around to face him and moved closer into him. As I moved into him he held me tighter and kissed my head.

“Bad dream?” He murmured.

“Kind of.” I said before we both drifted back to sleep.

I cut the light out and left the room quietly as she slept. I walked into the living room and lay on top of Jack as he laid down and watched TV.

“Fatass.” He grunted as I lay on top of him.

I laughed. “That’s what happens from carrying your baby smartass.”

He turned over to where he was on top of me. “Ok then, I’m the Smartass and you are the Fatass. Good enough?” He smiled.

“Perfect.” I laughed giving him a kiss.

“We should get shirts that say that.” He smiled widely at him recent idea.

“Let’s not.” I laughed.

“Ok, suit yourself. You know you want one.” He shrugged.

“I already have what I want.”

He smiled. “Same here.”
I woke up the same way I did last night but this time it was morning and Martin wasn’t in the bed. I heard a faint guitar coming from the living room.

As I got up it stopped and I saw Martin writing something down as he started to play slowly again then fixing what he had written on the paper.

“Whatcha writing?” I asked putting my chin on his shoulder.

He laughed a little. “Just something random.” He said.

I started to hum the notes on the page and he looked at me and laughed. “How do you do that?”

“What?”

“You look at the note and make the sound at the right pitch and rhythm, I can’t even do that.” He said.

“Music theory classes from high school.” I smiled.

He smiled back and gave me a kiss. “Sometimes you are too good for me.” He admitted.

Ha! I’m dreaming about my ex, while you are in the bed next to me. That’s too good for you? I thought.

I laughed. “Believe me I’m not.”

It was him I didn’t deserve.