Being in Love With You Has Driven Me Insane

I knocked on the door still a little nervous about how to do what I was doing and if I would regret it. I would regret it in one way but in another I wouldn’t. I knew I would feel bad but, I had to do it.

Martin answered the door and smiled when he saw me, something he wouldn’t be doing in a few minutes.

“Hey.” He said giving a kiss that made me feel guiltier.

“Hi.” I said in a semi quiet tone.

“What’s wrong? You seem upset about something.” He asked closing the door.

I sighed. I was going to feel like shit for doing this. “Martin, do you remember that job interview I had in January?” I asked.

“Yeah… oh you got it?” He asked realizing what was happening.

“Yeah…” He knew because one time we had a conversation about long distance relationships and he knew I was completely against it.

“So… what does this mean…?” He sighed.

I bit my lip. Guilt was the only thing I felt.

I opened my eyes to day light in L.A as I awoke from my dream/flashback of last week. I had been in L.A for a week and I was living in Casey's guest bedroom until I could find somewhere to live. I left a week ahead of what I could have so I had a few days before I started work.

I got myself out of bed and went into the kitchen, where Rian was digging for food and Casey walking out if her room as I did.

"Good morning." She yawned falling over me on the couch.

"Get off fatass." I groaned from under her.

"I'm too sleepy." She said faking falling asleep.

Casey and I had a tendency to play around in the mornings. And apparently her and I were worst than Jack and Alex on the best friend scale.

One time we actually had a BFFO (best friend forever Olympics.) it was actually quiet entertaining. Especially when you throw watermelons and go on a relay race around the whole entire neighborhood and a mini amazing race.

"It's too early for this shit." I sighed giving up in trying to escape the 21 year old on me.

"Aww." She said pinching my cheek. "It's never too early for this shit my friend." She said kissing my cheek but still not giving me.

"Rian, if your fatass girlfriend crushes me call I X I I." I coughed.

"What the fuck is I X I I?" Rian asked.

"911 but it's not needed, I'm getting off." She declared.

"Air!" I yelled as she got off.

"Whatever wimp." She said before smacking my ass. "What are we doing today?"

"I don't know what you’re doing but I'm going to look at apartments." I said.

"I wanna go too. I don't have anything to do today." She said. "And besides I can show you around." She said.

I sighed. "All right. You can come, but you're driving." I pointed.

"No problem.." She said.

~¥~

"Well, what about that one? It was nice." Casey said as we sat at Starbucks looking back at the apartments we had seen earlier.

"Yeah, but I liked the last one better." I said.

"True. It was better." She shrugged.

Well I had found my apartment. Now I could get all of my stuff out of storage and get out of my sister's apartment.

"One question and I know you want me to leave it alone and you don't want help but I just want to know." She said fast.

"What?" I laughed.

"Did you ever tell Martin, about...? You know." She said.

That was another thing. I had left New York Jerry in New York. I was going to take chances but then I was going to be careful about it. Along with not dating for a while... Or a few years.

"Sleeping with Jack? No, I never told him." I said sipping m coffee.

"You seem freakishly calm about saying that." She arched an eyebrow.

"Because that was New York. And honestly, this is all a new start for me." I shrugged.

"So in other wards, no more freak outs?" She asked.

"Yeap. And no more dating." I added.

"Why?" She asked a little shocked and somewhat saddened.

"I've accepted the fact that I'm meant to be alone."

"No you aren't. You're supposed to be with-" I stopped her with a don't you say it look. "Ugh, never mind." She muttered.

"Thank you." I smiled.

"I will admit. I like the new Jerry, you actually talk instead of saying not to worry about something." She scoffed.

"I added that improvement just for you." I said.

"Add the getting back with Jack and giving me a niece improvement also. Then I'll be happy." She admitted. "I think Veronica is a nice name. Hm Veronica
Barakat, weird but I like it."

"You are jumping too far ahead for me." I shook my head.

"What? You're open to talk now so I can tell you how disappointed I am in your non-pregnancy."

"That was a year ago." I reminded her.

"And? Spandex was from the nineties and that lady is wearing it like it's the new thing." She said nodding towards the lady at the counter.

I laughed a little. "How about you give me a niece or nephew first. You and Rian are closer to that than I am."

She scrunched her face. "You actually trust me with kids? And Rian? Wow you have high expectations there buddy."

I laughed. Casey liked kids but she never wanted any of her own because like she said, she couldn't trust herself with one.

"You may change your mind." I shrugged.

"Well yeah but..." She started.

"But?"

"Ok, last week before you had come, we had had sex but that's beside the point. And usually after we talk and stuff but there was nothing, not even in the sex. And he realized it too. And lately that's all it's been, nothing. As if we were just friends and fuck buddies."

"So what does this mean?"

"I don't know! I love him but lately it feels like more of love for a brother."

"Isn't that incest? Ew you screwed your brother." I joked.

She looked at me before throwing her straw paper ball and making it go into my mouth as I laughed and causing me to almost swallow it. As I coughed it back up she laughed more.

"Holy shit that was perfect." She laughed.

I took the paper ball out of my mouth and threw it at her neck making her squirm and say ew.

"Love you." I laughed.

"Oh fuck you."