Being in Love With You Has Driven Me Insane

Three days later the guys and Casey had flown back to L.A. I hadn’t seen Jack since we had broken up and nobody has told me where he was. Partly because I had been locked in my room half of the time along with me missing two days of class.

A week after that nothing had changed. I still haven’t gone to class and I still haven’t heard from Jack.

I sat with my soft blue blanket around my shoulders, watching a lifetime movie, and eating Ben and Jerry's.

Just like any lifetime movie somebody wad getting raped. I never understood why it was the channel for women when the women were beat, raped, killed or pregnant.

As the girl on the TV broke down and cried, Janice walked into the house.

"Jerry." She said as if she had something important tell me.

"What." I sighed.

"You are- have you been here the whole day?" She asked.

"What time is it?"

"5." She said opening the blinds.

I did promise myself I was going to class today but I said fuck it and stayed home. I was only taking two classes and really needed one credit.

"It’s so early." I sighed.

Janice rolled her eyes and cut the TV off then took my ice cream.

"Jerry, you can't be this way forever." She said.

"At least I'm not the only one of us who is." I said remembering Casey told me the last time she saw Jack was as bad as I was when we had talked a few days ago.

Janice bit her bottom lip. "What?" I asked.

"He's dating somebody else." She said carefully.

Well that was a blow to the stomach.

"Oh." I gulped a little.

"Jerr don't be upset I'm sure he still misses you."

"I'm not upset." I lied.

I got up and started going to my room. "It's fine." I nodded.

It wasn't fine. It hurt. I knew I was selfish when it came to Jack. I always only wanted him for me. He was supposed to be mine only.

This was my fault. I ended everything not him. And now I regretted it more than ever. But you know maybe that's what I need. I've only been with three people not including him.

I got dressed and after told Janice I was going to Starbucks for a while. She asked if she could go but I told her no.

Another thing I had done a lot was wonder around alone mentally beating myself up for everything I had done. Past and present included.

I walked into Starubucks got what I normally got and walked out to leave. Except when I turned around after getting my drink I bumped into somebody.

“Sorry.” We both said at the same time.

“I wasn’t watching were I was going. It’s my fault.” Hmm a lot of that has been going on lately. I thought as I spoke.

“It’s no problem.” He smiled.

Somehow he looked so familiar. I knew I had seen him somewhere.

“Do I know you?” He asked as if he was thinking the same thing I was.

“I don’t think so.” I said still looking at him, just like he was looking at me. “Do I know you?” I asked.

“You may know me but you don’t know me, know me.” He said.

“Well, how do I know you?”

“I’m Martin from Boys Like Girls.” He said.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t pay attention to anything anymore.” I said unsure and slightly embarrassed.

“It’s ok.” He laughed. “So do you happen to have a name by any chance?” He asked.

“Jerry.” I nodded.

I saw where this was going. The whole bump into somebody hot, go on a date, form a relationship, live happily ever after, blah, blah, bullshit.

“I have to go.” I said trying to break the conversation before anymore could happen.

“Wait.” He said as I started to walk.

I sighed and turned around, not showing the fact that I was trying to prevent any chance of starting anything but then I remembered everything that happened due to trying to prevent something.

“I know we’ve only talked for like 30 seconds but I was wondering if we could talk again, maybe. You don’t have to say yes.” He added.

Take a chance Jerry.

Don’t jump.

Let it flow.

Don’t do it.

“Sure.”

Saying sure just meant I was starting to take chances. Something I should have done before. Maybe I needed to start taking chances and letting it go. Maybe then I wouldn’t lose anybody.

At least I hope.