Status: Should be updated frequently, since most of it is already written.
Let Me In
Three.
Kat's Point of View
I glared at Beth, knowing she said that just to piss me off.
"I think you two need to handle this on your own. I'm out," Beth quickly gathered her things and left before I had a chance to kick her ass.
"I don't want to deal with this, Shannon," I said, my voice hoarse.
"I don't either. I don't feel like getting shot down again today," He sighed and collapsed onto the couch.
"Well, Beth's already established that I fucking 'need you.' I don't need anyone. I need to stop feeling like I'm fucking dying every day that I don't have you with me. I need to fall out of love with you!" I ranted. I paused to take a breath and realized that I'd said far too much.
"I could never fall out of love with you. You still have me! I'm fuckin' yours whenever you're ready to have me, Katie," He said, never once losing his nerve.
"I don't want to be dependent on you," I cried. The tears grew heavy again and the sobs began to surface.
"You never were! You were always so strong and so independent. That's why I love you!" He looked directly at me. I looked away the second I saw the despair in his eyes.
"You don't understand," I mumbled, wiping my eyes with the palms of my hands like a child.
"Then tell me! Help me understand!" He stood and approached me.
"I fucking love you. I've always loved you, Shannon. I don't want to though! I want to be able to break away and be happy on my own! But I can't because every day I wake up and you're not there, a little more of me dies. Every night I look up and see those shapes we found in the stars, I die. I have so much shit around this house that has something to do with you that I can't even stay here! But I have nowhere to go! Everywhere reminds me of you! You haunt me every second of every day," I continued to cry. I was close to hyperventilating.
"Then why don't you just take me back?" He asked desperately, his eyes pleading with my own.
"I can't get hurt again. I can't deal with that again," I stated the obvious. No matter how badly I wanted him, I wouldn't let myself have him. He'd just leave me again.
"I won't do that again! I can't hurt you like that again! I need you more than you could ever know, Katie," Shannon's voice cracked. I knew he'd cry soon. The malicious side of me told me to keep going until he let tears fall.
"You said that before, Shannon. You left me the first time. I took you back. You cheated the next time and I took you back. You said you wouldn't hurt me. Then you left me because 'you were scared.' I can't deal with your shit any more," I stuttered through the sentence like a child. I was close to passing out I was crying so hard.
"Fine, I don't care about that right now. Just calm down. You're gonna get sick," He wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs.
"I'm sorry," I squeaked.
"Don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry. This is my fault," He whispered. His arms encircled me and I latched onto him tightly, practically digging my nails into his back. His head rested against mine and I could hear him sniffling. He was crying, too. We stayed like that for what seemed like forever, but at the same time it could never have lasted long enough.
Shannon kissed the side of my head and pulled away.
"Promise me something," I whispered, making eye contact. That alone was something I could only do with Shannon. Eye contact always seemed awkward to me. It was something really personal that I didn't want to share with others... But with Shannon, it was right.
"Anything," He said softly.
"Keep trying to break me down. Don't give up on me," I begged.
"I couldn't give up on you if I tried," He smiled sadly.
"I'm gonna try to be civil... Key word there is try," I chuckled.
"I miss seeing you smile," He said something random, yet fitting.
"Don't push it, Shannon," I rolled my eyes and pulled away from him. The loss of contact instantly made me want to cry again. I had to try to forgive him. I just had to.
I glared at Beth, knowing she said that just to piss me off.
"I think you two need to handle this on your own. I'm out," Beth quickly gathered her things and left before I had a chance to kick her ass.
"I don't want to deal with this, Shannon," I said, my voice hoarse.
"I don't either. I don't feel like getting shot down again today," He sighed and collapsed onto the couch.
"Well, Beth's already established that I fucking 'need you.' I don't need anyone. I need to stop feeling like I'm fucking dying every day that I don't have you with me. I need to fall out of love with you!" I ranted. I paused to take a breath and realized that I'd said far too much.
"I could never fall out of love with you. You still have me! I'm fuckin' yours whenever you're ready to have me, Katie," He said, never once losing his nerve.
"I don't want to be dependent on you," I cried. The tears grew heavy again and the sobs began to surface.
"You never were! You were always so strong and so independent. That's why I love you!" He looked directly at me. I looked away the second I saw the despair in his eyes.
"You don't understand," I mumbled, wiping my eyes with the palms of my hands like a child.
"Then tell me! Help me understand!" He stood and approached me.
"I fucking love you. I've always loved you, Shannon. I don't want to though! I want to be able to break away and be happy on my own! But I can't because every day I wake up and you're not there, a little more of me dies. Every night I look up and see those shapes we found in the stars, I die. I have so much shit around this house that has something to do with you that I can't even stay here! But I have nowhere to go! Everywhere reminds me of you! You haunt me every second of every day," I continued to cry. I was close to hyperventilating.
"Then why don't you just take me back?" He asked desperately, his eyes pleading with my own.
"I can't get hurt again. I can't deal with that again," I stated the obvious. No matter how badly I wanted him, I wouldn't let myself have him. He'd just leave me again.
"I won't do that again! I can't hurt you like that again! I need you more than you could ever know, Katie," Shannon's voice cracked. I knew he'd cry soon. The malicious side of me told me to keep going until he let tears fall.
"You said that before, Shannon. You left me the first time. I took you back. You cheated the next time and I took you back. You said you wouldn't hurt me. Then you left me because 'you were scared.' I can't deal with your shit any more," I stuttered through the sentence like a child. I was close to passing out I was crying so hard.
"Fine, I don't care about that right now. Just calm down. You're gonna get sick," He wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs.
"I'm sorry," I squeaked.
"Don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry. This is my fault," He whispered. His arms encircled me and I latched onto him tightly, practically digging my nails into his back. His head rested against mine and I could hear him sniffling. He was crying, too. We stayed like that for what seemed like forever, but at the same time it could never have lasted long enough.
Shannon kissed the side of my head and pulled away.
"Promise me something," I whispered, making eye contact. That alone was something I could only do with Shannon. Eye contact always seemed awkward to me. It was something really personal that I didn't want to share with others... But with Shannon, it was right.
"Anything," He said softly.
"Keep trying to break me down. Don't give up on me," I begged.
"I couldn't give up on you if I tried," He smiled sadly.
"I'm gonna try to be civil... Key word there is try," I chuckled.
"I miss seeing you smile," He said something random, yet fitting.
"Don't push it, Shannon," I rolled my eyes and pulled away from him. The loss of contact instantly made me want to cry again. I had to try to forgive him. I just had to.