September

“I’m nervous,” Cora said, for the fiftieth time this afternoon. I rolled my eyes.

“About the pain?” I asked, knowing full well that’s what it was.

“What if it hurts?” she peeped, pouting.

“Well, pain usually does hurt but I’ve heard this isn’t so bad depending on where you get it.”

We’d decided that the tattoos would be surprises to each other a long time ago. It was hard not telling her, since I was so excited for mine but I knew her face when I showed it to her would be beyond worth it.

“It’s in a spot that is like, pain central.”

“Well, then you’re stupid for getting it there. You know that you’re bad with pain,” I chastised gently. She sighed and started to laugh.

“I know. Oh my, holy shit, there it is Rae!” she grabbed my arm and started jumping up and down.

In fact, we were standing across from High Voltage. The one place we’d seen on TV so many times before. It finally sank in that we were here in Los Angeles and that our dreams were coming true. It was so surreal.

We crossed the street holding hands, our grins barely even suppressed as we pushed into the crowded tattoo shop. We stood in awe for a moment before we stepped up to the desk. Adrienne was sitting there and she looked up as we stood there.

“Can I help you?” she asked sweetly, smiling.

“Um,” I laughed nervously, “Yeah, we have an appointment with Kat and Dan?”

Just saying it made me want to fall on the floor in excitement.

“Oh! The best friends are here,” she said. I’d remembered the long winded conversation Cora had had on the phone with her nearly two weeks ago. Adrienne bounced into the back and emerged with Kat Von D following her. I nearly fainted.

“Hey guys!” she squealed, hugging each of us. Dan came on the other side of the counter and smiled in greeting. Dan had been my favorite since he’d first appeared and it was safe to say that, though he was married, I would do that in a second.

“So we’re doing surprises?” he asked interestedly. “Who is tattooing who?”

“I think Rae would die if you didn’t tattoo her,” Cora said, grinning mischievously. I groaned and hit her shoulder, a blush forming on my cheeks. Kat laughed and pulled Cora away from us to discuss her tattoo.

“Well now that I’m thoroughly embarrassed, I’m Reagan,” I introduced, shaking his tattooed hand. He smirked and then asked me what we’d be doing today. My mind immediately went sexual but instead I just pulled the folded piece of paper out of my pocket and smoothed it on the counter.

“I want these two birds,” pointing to the chubbier ones on the branch, “with the words ‘Birds of a feather…’ in script next to them.” I quickly and roughly sketched how I wanted it to look.

“I dig it,” he said in his adorable accent, “Where are we puttin’ this?”

I lifted my shirt and patted the area between my hip bones. He measured the area and bit his lip. I smirked to myself and looked at the ceiling as his cool fingers grazed over my hip bones.

“Alrigh’ I’ll have this drawn up in just a minute and then we can get started, okay?”

“Cool, yeah,” I said, taking a seat on a couch near the window. Cora joined me a moment later, shaking like a leaf. I could tell from the look on her face that she was both nervous and excited. I held her hand tightly.

True to his word, Dan came back only moments later to retrieve me. I smiled at Cora just as Kat called her name and she smiled widely back at me. I followed Dan a short way to his station and he asked me to hold up my shirt. He rolled my shorts down a little bit and started placing the outline in the right spot.

He led me to a mirror and asked me if I liked the placement. It looked perfect to me but nervous jitters ran through me. I sat in the chair and tapped my feet as he arranged certain inks on the low counter next to me. When he looked up, I must have seemed nervous.

“First tattoo?” he asked and I nodded quickly. He smiled sympathetically and squeezed my knee gently. “If yeh’re not bad with pain, then it shouldn’t be too bad.”

“Okay, good. I’m not that bad.” I let out a shaky breath and glanced across the shop to where Cora was lying on her side. She was getting a tattoo on her ribs. I cringed for her.
“Alrigh’ I’m gonna start now Reagan, okay?” he asked gently. I nodded and smiled a tight smile in encouragement. I watched the needle dip down onto my skin and barely felt anything. It was more of an annoying sting.

In fact, the buzzing sound was more of a pain in the ass than anything else. I relaxed my body and leaned back in the chair as he continued. In certain spots it hurt more than others and I would bite my lip until it was over. Other than that, it wasn’t that bad.

“Birds of a feather, huh? What made yeh decide on that?” he asked.

“Well, I’m not really the most normal person in the world,” he laughed, “And I still have friends so I guess it’s just a reminder that no matter how alone I feel in the world, I’ll always have someone to flock with because—”

“Birds of a feather, flock together,” he finished, “That’s really clever actually.”

“Thanks. It kind of took me forever to think of.”

“So are you two from around here?” he asked conversationally. I glanced across the room and saw Kat talking to Cora gently. I wanted to go over and comfort her but I knew she’d be mad if I did.

“No, we actually took a road trip here from New York with her boyfriend and his friend. It’s been pretty great.”

“From New York? Wow, that’s a long drive,” he said, glancing up at me and then back down at my tattoo. He was working quickly, nearly finished with the lettering and about to work on my birds.

“It’s been a lot of fun though. We all take turns driving or whatever.”

We talked a little bit about the shenanigans we’d been getting into throughout the whole ride and I watched people come in and out of the shop and it was really just an overall great experience. In fact, it was over before I could even comprehend that it had happened.

“Do yeh wanna see it separately first? It looks like Kat finished before I did,” he said as I stood up. I looked over to see Cora jumping around excitedly and hugging Kat. I nodded and looked in the small mirror he was holding up.

I gasped and looked down excitedly, before launching myself at him. “Thank you so, so much!” I shrieked as he chuckled and hugged me back. He led me over to the mirror where they always unveiled new tattoos as Kat led Cora there.

She was wearing a bikini top and I turned her until I found the newest part of her body. It was on her ribs directly next to her heart. I recognized the portrait easily; it was her cousin Danny, who’d gotten killed three years ago. He’d simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Under his face were the words, ‘Always Alive’ in script.

“Cora, it’s beautiful!” I gasped, pulling her into a hug. It truly was beautiful. The picture was his senior photo that hung in Cora’s house and was also on her bedside table. He’d been killed in a drive by shooting when he was picking up his friend. It had been a tragic time for Cora and her family but they all bounced back.

“Thanks! Let me see yours!” she said, smiling though it had been obvious she’d cried earlier. Whether it was from the story or the pain I didn’t know and I wouldn’t ask. I lifted my shirt and she kneeled down to see it more clearly.

“Oh my word, I love it!” She scooped me into a hug as Kat and Dan smiled and laughed behind us. I looked at it in the mirror and grinned again, staring at the tattoo. One bird had a taint of dark purple at the bottom and the other a cerulean color. I was so happy with it.

“Thank you so much!” I said to Dan again, hugging him once more. I hugged Kat and then they showed us how to take care of it and wrapped them up. We paid happily and I asked Adrienne for a hug, since I loved her so much. We left, shouting goodbyes.

Cora and I held hands as we walked down the street, looking for a place to eat. It was hot out and the sun was beating down on us but we were too ecstatic to even worry about it. I couldn’t stop smiling about it.

We chose a burger joint that was closer to the hotel than the shop. We ordered and as soon as we took our food from the counter and sat, we were chattering about how happy we were at this exact moment.

“I don’t think this trip could get any better Rae,” she said, munching on a fry. I happened to agree with her wholeheartedly. I was convinced that, had Mallory come on this trip and not Andrew and Brendan, I would still be stuck in what had been my previous attitude.

“I know. I can’t believe Perez fucking Hilton made a post about me! There were like, 40 comments on it this morning and only 20 of them were negative,” I said, taking a bite of my burger, “I’m just waiting to get recognized.”

I glanced around the small, cool restaurant with shifty eyes, making Cora laugh before I let a smile break out on my face. She grinned and cocked her head, staring at me thoughtfully.
“It’s good to see you so happy all the time.”

“Yeah well, I am happy all the time. It’s fucking weird,” I said awkwardly, looking down at my food. I felt uncomfortable and immediately like a guilty child. My mind reeled with the fact that my best friend must have been annoyed with my previous behavior.

“I can imagine. It’s weird not being around, well, you. I almost kind of miss your bitter, cynical sayings,” she laughed and my heart calmed down. I overreacted and felt stupid.

“They’re still in here, just a little deep down.”

“Hidden by all those smushy lovey dove feelings for Brendan?” she cooed mockingly before laughing. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, wishing the blush would stay away from my cheeks.

“As if, besides, it’s not like we’re dating or anything,” I justified. My mind wandered to the comment on Facebook and I bit the inside of my cheek.

“I saw the comment,” she said flatly and I let out a whoosh of air. This was not the topic I wanted our lunch to dwell on. If anything, this was something I needed to deal with on my own. Actually, it was something I didn’t want to deal with or even think about at all considering the large chance of getting hurt in the whole fiasco.

“I don’t care. We’re nothing, just friends who are over friendly and that’s how I’d like it to stay,” I said, keeping my voice indifferent.

“Ah, there’s the Reagan I used to know, always pushing away feelings because God forbid you actually act on something and make yourself happy,” Cora spat back. I sighed and dropped my head, rolling my neck before looking back up at her.

“I don’t feel like arguing right now, especially not about Brendan, okay? This is absolutely ridiculous.”

“No, what’s ridiculous is how obvious it is that you like him and how you refuse to even think about questioning his interest in you. What’s gonna happen when we get home? Did you even think about that?”

“What’s going to happen when we get home,” I started bitingly, “Is you and Andrew flying off to college together and I’m going to pick up some classes and get a job and pretend that I have a social life whenever you call.

“No love story or fairy tale where me and Brendan end up falling in love and moving in together. Certainly no love between us at all, period. I’m gonna be at home, be the same me I always have been, only more alone than I ever was before.”

Her gaze immediately turned to one of pity and sympathy, which was what I didn’t want. It was hard enough to keep up a brave front without her being all emotional as well. I didn’t want her to see the tears that were threatening to escape from my eyes.

“Rae,” she said gently, but I refused to look at her, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I asked, my throat thick with emotion. Each word hurt to speak, both in my throat and in my heart. “For following your dreams and going to Duke? That’s not something I want you to feel bad about.”

“No, I feel bad for always pushing you. I shouldn’t be changing my mind about you and Brendan every two seconds and either making you want to get rid of him or be with him. I’ve always done that to you and I’m sorry for it,” she said.

When I met her eyes, the tears fell and my eyes went blurry until I blinked more down my face. I hated to cry in front of anyone, not because I thought tears were a sign of weakness but because I was Reagan, the girl with no feelings and crying was definitely a sign of feeling.

She frowned but said nothing. Cora was one of the few people beside my family that had seen me cry and she knew how to deal with it. I could stop quickly enough on my own, without her speaking or trying to help me. I calmed myself down and when I felt the flow of tears ebb, wiped my face dry.

“It’s okay Cora. That’s just how you are and this is how I am and we’re perfect for each other. That’s why we’re sisters and that’s why we’ll be able to move on from this,” I said calmly and evenly, my voice never wavering.

She smiled warmly and appreciatively at me, her eyes glowing. She always had this proud mother look whenever I said something anywhere near mature. Most of all though, she liked when I could calm myself quickly from one of my rare, sob attacks.

“I know. I know we will Rae,” she said and from there, the conversation slid to more cheerful things, like how nice the pool looked and what club we should go to tonight. I was thankful for that at least.

When we got back to the hotel, Andrew and Brendan weren’t there. A note explained that they were taking advantage of the game room downstairs. Cora went to investigate and show them her new ink, while I opted to find something on TV.

I found a promising documentary on Ancient Aliens and leaned back on the bed to watch it. The room was fantastic compared to the other places we’d stayed, the flat screen TV mounted to the wall a definite plus. I was enjoying the alone time.

Unfortunately, the door flung open to reveal a very anxious-looking Brendan. As soon as he saw me, he slammed the door shut and leapt onto the bed. I was startled, looking at him as though I was regarding a schizophrenic.

“Come on, I wanna see it!”

Realization dawned on me and I smirked, pulling up my shirt slowly. I removed the bandage and Brendan let out a low whistle. He raised himself to hover gently over my thighs, one leg on each side of me. He ran a thumb over it gently before looking up at me.

“It’s so pretty,” he said, “I like it.”

“Mmm, well, I was simply dying for your approval,” I drawled sarcastically. He raised an eyebrow and moved his hands to hold my hips, his thumbs rubbing circles into the bones. I was instantly hyper aware of the mischievous smirk he was wearing.

“I think it’s sexy,” he purred. I raised an eyebrow and smiled crookedly. His hands gripped me tighter as I cocked my head and bit my lip.

“Oh really? Do you now?” I asked quietly. His fingers danced up my sides, leaving a trail of icy cool in their wake. He lowered his head until his lips were hovering over mine.

“Yes, I do,” he said, a husky tone to his voice before lowering his lips onto mine. In an instant his lips told me exactly what he needed and it was quite apparent exactly what he wanted.

My arms went around his neck, fingers threading through his golden hair. I was the one who deepened the kiss this time, going for exactly what I wanted. His thumbs caressed gentle circles underneath the wire of my bra and my whole body felt like it was on fire.

“Brendan,” I moaned softly as his lips hunted along my neck, searching for the spot that would surely make me feel even weaker than I was. He dropped his head in the crook of my neck and groaned.

“Fuck, Rae,” he hissed, lifting his head to look at me, “Do you even know what you’re doing to me right now?”

The answer was no; I really had no idea. I did know how I was feeling and I didn’t want to waste time talking about it. I pulled him down closer to me, reaching his lips with mine.

“Really guys? You’ve been alone for what, seven minutes?” Andrew’s voice came from the doorway. I groaned inwardly as Brendan rolled off of me, hiding his eyes.

“I hate you,” he mumbled and I just rolled my eyes, pulling down my shirt. I got up and called the shower first, since I didn’t want to take part in the rush that would happen later. Cora warned me to be careful of my tattoo, which I would have been without reminder.

When the bathroom door was shut and locked I turned to the mirror and glared at myself; what in fucks name was happening to me?

*

“Where the fuck did they go?” Cora screamed at me over the loud music playing throughout the club. I sighed, standing from the black leather couch and glancing around. I looked for the bright lights bouncing off of gold hair, but didn’t seem to have any luck.

Andrew and Brendan had taken it upon themselves to get completely trashed. Cora was more than angry about their decision and wanted to leave immediately. Of course, she was being a little overprotective since that one girl started talking to Drew. Previously she’d thought they were hilarious.

Now she was taking offense to it all.

“They really have no common decency at all, do they?” she huffed. Tired of her bitching, I wanted to get them back to the hotel as much as she did. Unfortunately they’d run off when they heard that suggestion.

I leaned against Cora and lifted myself up onto the table. It was difficult, since I was wearing heels and was still sober enough to care who saw my underwear. I scanned the crowd before jumping back down.

“At the bar, let’s go.”

As we approached, they were downing yet another shot. I approached them sweetly. Cora was too enraged to even think about strategy. They were being loud and obviously near belligerence. ‘

“C’mon guys, we have a surprise waiting for us back at the room,” I sang, my voice sugar coated. Their eyes went wide and they immediately started following me. Cora merely clicked her tongue, allowing Andrew to lean heavily on her arm.
And here I had thought this would be difficult.

Walking in the street was an embarrassment in itself, one that Cora couldn’t really handle. Brendan was merely singing vulgar songs at the top of his lungs. Andrew, however, was yelling at people who walked past and couldn’t keep his hands off Cora’s ass.

She was becoming more and more frustrated by the minute and I was anxious to get back to the hotel. Soon enough it was in sight and we hauled them into the elevator despite the fact that they wanted to have a fight in the lobby. I smiled apologetically at the aggravated receptionist.

They stumbled into the room loudly and I was starting to lose my calm nerve. I shoved Brendan into the bathroom and he started searching around the room, grinning like a fool. I pushed him toward the shower and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Where’s the surprise baby?” he asked. My toes tingled in happiness when he called me that but I still turned the shower on. He was shrieking about the water being too cold and he started to take off his clothing as he sobered up. When I was sure he could shower alone, I left.

Andrew was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking distraught. Cora was nowhere to be seen. I sighed when I saw the door left open. I didn’t especially like the idea of my best friend wandering around alone in a short skirt and, after quickly changing into a pair of sweatpants, went after her.

She was sitting in the lobby, legs crossed, staring at her phone as if it had the answers to everything. I sat down next to her and stared at her phone too, there was an open message addressed to me but with nothing written.

“I figured you’d be down here any second anyway,” she said quietly, shutting her phone. I smiled gently at her. “He told me that he was pregnant.”

At that complete absurdity, I burst out laughing. At first she glared at me but as her anger slowly vanished, she laughed as well. Cora never got mad and when she did, it never lasted very long at all. We went back up to the room together, tears still in our eyes from laughing.

The TV was flashing across the dark room and Brendan and Andrew were seemingly asleep in the same bed. Andrew knew Cora was mad at him and had sheltered himself from her.

I ignored the makeup that was begging to be cleaned from my face and just went to bed. I couldn’t take much more time being conscious. Besides, the next day would be bad to deal with since we would be leaving later on and Cora would still be mad at Andrew.

Regardless of the massive bullshit that just happened, I fell asleep smiling.