Loose Ends

She feels empty. She has been carrying around another life inside of her for nine months and now that she’s gone, Quinn Fabray feels empty. She finds herself constantly reaching for her stomach, a habit she had developed during the pregnancy. She knows she should feel relieved that the pressure of being a mother and taking care of the delicate baby inside of her has been lifted off her shoulders, but she can’t help but feel like it was anticlimactic.

She moves back with her mother after Regionals are over with the help of Mercedes and her family. The large house feels extra big without her father’s booming voice filling it. Not that Quinn’s complaining, just noticing. Her mother dotes on her as if trying to make up for the nine months that she abandoned Quinn. Quinn forgives her mother, and one day as she sits up in her room alone, she realizes that forgiveness is something she needs. There are loose ends she needs to tie up, people she has to apologize to and things she has to do.

She’s not quitting Glee or committing suicide, but she wants closure on some things. It’s like there are little weights sitting on her shoulders, each one a reminder of what she’s done to everyone else.

First she calls Santana. She picks up her home phone, the line her mother installed in her room just for her, and dials the seven numbers she’s had memorized since her first year as a Cheerio.

“Hello?” Santana’s voice is a bit curious, wondering who was calling her from this number she didn’t know. Quinn smiled, hearing the noises of the Lopez family from the other line.

“Santana? It’s Quinn.”

“Quinn? Did you get a new number or something?”

“No, this is my house phone. Santana, I want to talk to you about something for a second.” Santana agrees with a simple humming noise, and Quinn takes in a deep breath. She starts talking, explaining how she knows she and Santana haven’t really been on good terms since word about the baby’s real father got out, and how she’s sorry. Then Quinn takes another breath and gives up something that has always been a part of her.

“Santana, I want you to be the Head Cheerio next year. Coach Sylvester would be stupid to give it to anyone but you, but I want you to have it. You will do a good job.” And though she would never admit it out loud, Santana might even do a better job than she did. There’s silence from the other end for a second, and Quinn braces herself for the sarcastic comment that’s about to fly from the tanned girl’s lips.

“Thanks, Q.” That’s it. That’s all she says, but it’s all Quinn needs to hear. Inside those little words are forgiveness from Santana, and a genuine promise that things will be civil between them from now on. Quinn smiles.

“You’re welcome, S.” The familiar nicknames they gave each other freshman year make both of them laugh, and then Santana promises to call Quinn later as her mom just called her in for dinner. Quinn smiles and tells her goodbye, and then hangs up the phone. She feels one of the weights disappearing off her shoulders. She takes in a deep breath, and picks up the phone again. This one is going to be a little harder. She dials the numbers, knowing them by heart even though she really wouldn’t have admitted it before now.

“Talk to me.” Puck’s voice was confident and over-cocky, the one she recognized as his public voice.

“Noah?”

“Hey, Quinn.” His voice becomes softer when he realizes it’s her, and she smiles slightly. He’s always been able to make her smile by just saying her name in that voice. “What’s up?”

“Uh, Noah, I wanted to apologize for some stuff.”

“Apologize for what?” He asks, and she can hear the genuine confusion in his voice as if he thinks she has done nothing that would need apologizing for.

“Stuff. You know, getting you into trouble, being the cause for Finn beating you up and having people dislike you, for getting pregnant, for-” He cuts her off quickly.

“Hold on. The trouble thing isn’t a big deal, I get into trouble all the time. Getting beat up by Finn wasn’t exactly your fault, it was his and Rachel’s. People dislike me because I sleep with their girlfriends and their moms, not because of you. But you have nothing to apologize for when it comes to our baby. That baby was one of the best things that has happened to me.”

“Noah, we didn’t even keep the baby, how can it be one of the best things that’s happened to you?”

“You can’t be saying that when she was sitting there in the bed next to you that you didn’t feel happy by just looking at her. She was beautiful, Quinn. She was so much like you that just looking at her made me happy. Plus she gave me an excuse to bother you for nine months.” Quinn smiles, hearing the grin in his voice.

“I’m sure you would have found some other way to bother me.”

“Probably. But that doesn’t matter, Quinn. I love Beth, and I love you. You have nothing to apologize for.” His voice goes serious again, and Quinn can tell that he means every word of it.

“Thank you, Noah.”

“Of course. I love you, Quinn.”

“I love you too.” He then tells her that his little sister needs him to help with her math homework, and she lets him go, after he promises that he’ll call her later that night. She hangs up the phone and feels another weight lifted off her shoulders. She exhales and then rises from her desk, moving out of her room and down the stairs. For this next one, she’s going to need the phone book. She finds it underneath the kitchen sink, and pulls it out, marching back up to her room. This one will be difficult.

She sits back down at her desk and opens the phone book, flipping to the ‘B’s. She finds it easily. There’s no other pair of two men under the name Berry. She sighs, picking up her phone and dialing the seven numbers, hesitantly putting her phone up to her ear. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, or if Berry would even believe her, but she had to say something.

“Hello?”

At least I didn’t have to go through her dads. Quinn thinks when Rachel’s voice comes through the phone. She has to hesitate before saying Rachel’s real name, which she can tell surprises the other girl.

“Quinn? If you’re calling to threaten me or to make fun of me, I would appreciate if you would let me know so I can hang up now. I will not tolerate being the butt of all your jokes any longer.” Quinn has to catch herself before she shouts out ‘Man-Hands’ or ‘RuPaul’ to get Rachel to shut up.

“Rachel, can you please let me talk? I’m not going to make fun of you or threaten you or whatever. I wanted to apologize.” There’s a pause on the other line, and Quinn can just see the frown on her face.

“Apologize?” Quinn sighs. She knew this would be difficult, but she underestimated just how annoying Rachel could be sometimes.

“Yeah.” Quinn runs her fingers through her hair, trying to think of how to start.

“Why?”

Rachel’s question catches Quinn off guard. Why am I doing this? She thinks, trying to come up with an answer that will satisfy Rachel and herself.

“Because I want to, that’s why. So please stop talking and let me finish.”

“Alright.” The suspicious tone in Rachel’s voice makes Quinn feel slightly annoyed at Rachel, and guilty because she knows Rachel wouldn’t be suspicious if Quinn hadn’t been so awful to her.

“I’m sorry for calling you nasty and mean names, I’m sorry for getting you slushied everyday, I’m sorry that I was jealous of you and it made me bitter.” Quinn says, admitting something she would never had admitted to Rachel otherwise.

“You were jealous of me?” Quinn can hear the amused note in the other girl’s voice and it makes her grit her teeth.

“Yes. If you tell anyone, I’ll deny it.”

“Your secret is safe with me. I forgive you.” Quinn is a bit startled by the sudden forgiveness, and frowns slightly, despite the feeling of yet another weight being lifted.

“Really?”

“Yes. While I must admit that the chances of us becoming best friends is slim and most likely not going to happen, I wouldn’t mind being civil and friendly with you, Quinn. It would be in the best interest of the Glee club, and in the best interest of us.” Quinn feels the corner of her lips tugging upwards, and she allows herself a small smile.

“I have a few things I’d like to apologize for myself, if you don’t mind.” Quinn is surprised, but she allows the girl to continue. “I would like to apologize myself for being jealous of you and for it to cause me to become bitter and unprofessional. I apologize for liking Finn while you two were dating, and I am extremely repentant for telling Finn about the father of the baby.” Quinn can hear the sincerity in Rachel’s voice, and she raises her eyebrows. She never thought Rachel would ever admit to that, let alone apologize for it.

She takes in another breath, letting Rachel’s apology hang in the air for a few seconds, before finally speaking.

“I forgive you.” As she says it, she feels another weight being lifted.

“Thank you.” Quinn can hear the smile in Rachel’s voice, and smiles herself. While Rachel may have been right about us not becoming best friends, being civil with the girl won’t be bad. She thinks, telling Rachel that she has to go now and that she’ll see her in school. She hangs up the phone and stares at it, knowing what’s coming next. This will be the hardest one, the most difficult phone call she’ll have to make. She bites her lip and reaches for the phone, dialing seven digits and putting the phone up to her ear, closing her eyes and praying for strength.

“Hello?”

“Hey Finn. It’s Quinn. Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Uh, sure. What’s up?” Quinn knows he sounds confused because they haven’t talked much since Sectionals, and that’s mostly on her part. She knows that she didn’t really want to talk to him after what happened because she knew the guilt would start eating her up inside.

“I’m sorry.” She practically whispers it, fear of anger twisting up her stomach and making her heart tie knots with itself.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” She says it louder this time, her voice a bit shaky but otherwise strong. “I’m sorry for everything.”

Quinn can hear the hesitation in his voice, she can practically see him wrinkling his forehead in confusion and tilting his head to his side as he thinks. She closes her eyes, reminding herself that she needs to hear his forgiveness and hanging up the phone now isn’t going to help anyone.

“Finn?” The silence from the other end worries her, she thinks maybe he beat her to hanging up.

“I’m still here. Just thinking.” He answers quickly, his words clipped as if he’s really trying to focus on this thoughts. Which, knowing Finn, he is. Quinn stays quiet, letting him think. She wouldn’t blame him if he said he didn’t forgive her.

“I forgive you.” He says finally, and she feels herself relax, relief spreading through her and relaxing her stomach and her heart.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, I guess I would have wanted you to say the same thing if we were in each other’s shoes. And I mean it, Quinn. I forgive you for everything. You’re happy with Puck, aren’t you?” Quinn thinks about this for a second.

“Yes. I am.” She says, smiling slightly.

“Good. Then yeah, I forgive you. I guess we both knew we weren’t going to make it through high school. This just made us realize it faster.” She nods, realizing he’s right. Sometimes Finn can be really dumb, but when he’s smart, he’s smart.

“You let me know if Puck starts being a jerk. I’ll beat him up again.” Although he’s being serious, Quinn can hear the smile in his voice.

“You and I both know it would be weird if Puck wasn’t acting like a jerk, Finn.” He laughs, and his laugh makes her smile. It reminds her of the old days, when everything was semi-normal.

I kind of like it better like this, though. Quinn thinks, realizing that she really is happier with Puck.

Finn tells her that he has to go, something about surprising Rachel with flowers or something, and Quinn lets him go, hanging up the phone and feeling lighter than she’s felt in awhile.

She stands up and moves out of her room quietly, going to return the phone book to under the sink. She puts it back and feels as if all her loose ends have been tied up, making Quinn Fabray feel not-so-empty anymore.