‹ Prequel: Lead and Gold
Vernacular
Break
So this is it.
I can hardly recall the catastrophe of a few nights past, and only have my frantic journal entry to even give me an inkling on what I was thinking. It terrifies me, seeing how easily I became depraved, how far I fell into that pandemonium. It pained me too much to ask Ava to recount her discovery of me in the forest. The curiosity tears at what shreds of sanity I still cling to, but I am too afraid to relive that nightmare.
How sad that one of the most brutal, terrifying entities upon the planet is reduced to whimpering at the things within the sanctum of his own mind.
As nights pass, I find the difficulty of retrieving the parts of myself increasing. I feel...cold. I know it is not just in my actions and posture. I can feel it, a chill deep beneath this pale skin. I can feel it creeping through my body, one particle at a time.
I know it will not kill me. This is more horrifying than any vision of Death I have ever entertained.
It as if I have finally taken my rightful place in Hell, though I am alone.
It is only just.
I only wish that I could remember who I was these few nights prior. Today, I entered the Coven after a short leave--I did not stay away for as long as I had hoped--and came across Mekare and a male I had not yet met; a newcomer. As I came to a halt, I wanted nothing more than to embrace Mekare and warmly welcome this new friend.
I found I could do nothing.
I opened my mouth to tell Mekare how odd it felt being away, but all I could give was a cold question. It was as if my mouth was not my own, and I ached. I only hope that these...these friends, come to forgive me in time. I know I am not myself, though I wish nothing else than to be. I do not know how much more of this I can take.
Maharet...
Save me
I can hardly recall the catastrophe of a few nights past, and only have my frantic journal entry to even give me an inkling on what I was thinking. It terrifies me, seeing how easily I became depraved, how far I fell into that pandemonium. It pained me too much to ask Ava to recount her discovery of me in the forest. The curiosity tears at what shreds of sanity I still cling to, but I am too afraid to relive that nightmare.
How sad that one of the most brutal, terrifying entities upon the planet is reduced to whimpering at the things within the sanctum of his own mind.
As nights pass, I find the difficulty of retrieving the parts of myself increasing. I feel...cold. I know it is not just in my actions and posture. I can feel it, a chill deep beneath this pale skin. I can feel it creeping through my body, one particle at a time.
I know it will not kill me. This is more horrifying than any vision of Death I have ever entertained.
It as if I have finally taken my rightful place in Hell, though I am alone.
It is only just.
I only wish that I could remember who I was these few nights prior. Today, I entered the Coven after a short leave--I did not stay away for as long as I had hoped--and came across Mekare and a male I had not yet met; a newcomer. As I came to a halt, I wanted nothing more than to embrace Mekare and warmly welcome this new friend.
I found I could do nothing.
I opened my mouth to tell Mekare how odd it felt being away, but all I could give was a cold question. It was as if my mouth was not my own, and I ached. I only hope that these...these friends, come to forgive me in time. I know I am not myself, though I wish nothing else than to be. I do not know how much more of this I can take.
Maharet...
Save me