‹ Prequel: Lead and Gold
Vernacular
Maharet
Ah, Maharet. Equal part blessing, equal part bane.
Upon my first night here, arriving in the captivity of Oliver and Mekare, Maharet had become the reason for my willingness to remain here. I was simply captivated by her; her beauty, her strength, her sheer power. As much as I would like to blame these unexplainable attractions for my foolishness, I knew the blame fully lay upon my actions.
I have always been the fool.
As time went on during my residency, I became more and more...infatuated, with her. How could I not? I had become such a lonely, bitter creature. The company and compassion she showed me was something I had craved for such a long time. The feeling of her hand within mine, the brush of her fingers snaring my own, simply enthralled me in bliss. Deep down, I knew; I knew of the one named Godric, though I had never laid eyes upon him. I knew that he was Maharet's chosen mate, or she his; either way, I knew, deep down, that my emotions had betrayed me yet again.
Though, if my emotions had betrayed me, they had been betrayed in turn, surely.
I had allowed my weakness to overpower me, had allowed my defenses to fail for the one called Maharet, one of my first true friends in this place, and, as a consequence, had driven her away. I was a fool, for allowing myself to grow so close to her, mentally and physically. The moments I stole, the kisses, the caresses, all fatal errors in my eyes. I had marred this respectable Mistress's honor, in some way; by not reigning in my own emotions in order to preserve hers.
I struggle here to admit it, but I stole away to her bed one night. The temptation of having her to myself was there; she openly offered it, and, by Gods, did I crave it, but something prevented me from acting upon these things. I continued to tease her, for even my weak defenses could not resist that much, but something revolted deep inside me.
As I had entered the room for a second time, I observed her as she restored order to her apparently out-of-place quarters. During her task, she came across a white tunic, and hastily put it out of sight. I knew, even from my spot in the doorway, even without the need for my senses, that this belonged to her mate, and at that moment, I hated myself.
I had always prided myself upon my traits, the ones I had honed ever since my mortality, and in the matter of a few nights, I had thrown that all away. I had thrown it away the night I stole with her within the common room, I had thrown it away the first night I shared her bed, and I had thrown it away the second night, when I came to the brink of every moral I held dear to myself.
What a fool I was. What I fool I still am. What a fool I shall continue to be.
And now, even as I write this, before I have made my habitual rounds through the coven halls, I can hear her thoughts clearly; maybe this is from the proximity we shared so often.
She is confused, and needs time to herself. She is leaving the coven, leaving the room I shared with her, leaving our retreat by the pool.
All because of me.
I can only pray to whatever deity has bothered to listen to me, that she forgives me.
That she forgives me.
Upon my first night here, arriving in the captivity of Oliver and Mekare, Maharet had become the reason for my willingness to remain here. I was simply captivated by her; her beauty, her strength, her sheer power. As much as I would like to blame these unexplainable attractions for my foolishness, I knew the blame fully lay upon my actions.
I have always been the fool.
As time went on during my residency, I became more and more...infatuated, with her. How could I not? I had become such a lonely, bitter creature. The company and compassion she showed me was something I had craved for such a long time. The feeling of her hand within mine, the brush of her fingers snaring my own, simply enthralled me in bliss. Deep down, I knew; I knew of the one named Godric, though I had never laid eyes upon him. I knew that he was Maharet's chosen mate, or she his; either way, I knew, deep down, that my emotions had betrayed me yet again.
Though, if my emotions had betrayed me, they had been betrayed in turn, surely.
I had allowed my weakness to overpower me, had allowed my defenses to fail for the one called Maharet, one of my first true friends in this place, and, as a consequence, had driven her away. I was a fool, for allowing myself to grow so close to her, mentally and physically. The moments I stole, the kisses, the caresses, all fatal errors in my eyes. I had marred this respectable Mistress's honor, in some way; by not reigning in my own emotions in order to preserve hers.
I struggle here to admit it, but I stole away to her bed one night. The temptation of having her to myself was there; she openly offered it, and, by Gods, did I crave it, but something prevented me from acting upon these things. I continued to tease her, for even my weak defenses could not resist that much, but something revolted deep inside me.
As I had entered the room for a second time, I observed her as she restored order to her apparently out-of-place quarters. During her task, she came across a white tunic, and hastily put it out of sight. I knew, even from my spot in the doorway, even without the need for my senses, that this belonged to her mate, and at that moment, I hated myself.
I had always prided myself upon my traits, the ones I had honed ever since my mortality, and in the matter of a few nights, I had thrown that all away. I had thrown it away the night I stole with her within the common room, I had thrown it away the first night I shared her bed, and I had thrown it away the second night, when I came to the brink of every moral I held dear to myself.
What a fool I was. What I fool I still am. What a fool I shall continue to be.
And now, even as I write this, before I have made my habitual rounds through the coven halls, I can hear her thoughts clearly; maybe this is from the proximity we shared so often.
She is confused, and needs time to herself. She is leaving the coven, leaving the room I shared with her, leaving our retreat by the pool.
All because of me.
I can only pray to whatever deity has bothered to listen to me, that she forgives me.
That she forgives me.