I'm a Walking Travesty

After Zack caught me playing, I started crying really hard. It was as if all the anger and sadness I was keeping inside was beginning to creep away from my body through the tears that were falling from my eyes. But after crying endlessly and not caring about whether or not Zack was getting annoyed, I fell asleep – in his arms.

I know it may seem cliché and everything but all I see in Zack right now is a big brother who’s supposed to take care of me, watch over me and cheer me up when I cried. I couldn’t see him as someone who could be more than a best friend to me and right now, it was fine because I had someone waiting out there who wanted me and asked me to be his.

I still don’t know why I agreed to Ryan though. I mean maybe at the time, I was more or less blinded thinking that I could handle another relationship even when the one person I thought would love me forever passed away a week or two ago. Why am I suddenly rushing things? I mean I have my whole life to live and living in a fast-forwarded life is hardly living and I don’t want that for me.

Being with Eric was somewhat like that. He seemed to be rushing everything instead of taking his time to figure things out with me and somehow, I just went along with it. I told myself that I’d see past the imperfections but was that all he was – an imperfection?

Maybe Zack was right. Maybe he disliked Eric because he was hardly likable. Maybe Eric and I were never meant for each other and his death – as bad as it may really seem – could be a sign that maybe my journey to find my one and only is still on-going.

The sunlight seeped through the window and kept me from staying asleep. So I rolled around on the bed but once I moved over to the right, my head hit something hard.

“Why are you still here?” I asked Zack as soon as I opened my eyes that were stinging badly.

“Good morning to you too,” Zack said humorously as he groaned and rolled over to the other side.

I smiled as I sat up and stretched my arms over my head. The room seemed silent and I didn’t hear any noise coming from the first storey of the house. I looked at the clock on the side table to check the time. It was currently 7:39 in the morning. Why was I up so early?

“Aren’t you going for a run?” I asked Zack hitting him with a pillow so that I’d catch his attention.

“Later,” he said hiding himself under his pillow.

“Okay then,” I said getting off of the bed. I went inside my bathroom to fix myself up for the day even though I didn’t really know what was in store for me.

I shed my clothes off and I turned the shower on to start my bath. I felt like I needed one for some reason. Or maybe I just wanted to have one so that I’d pass the time. After about 30 minutes of shampooing and scrubbing, I shut the water off and wrapped myself in a towel. That was when I realized I hadn’t actually brought my clothes in with me. That’s just great. Now I have to get it from my closet inside my room while I try my best to make sure that Zack doesn’t wake up and see me half naked.

I brushed my teeth and fixed my towel and held it where the ends met so that it wouldn’t fall. I took a deep breath before I walked outside the door. I crept into the room as I made my way over to the closet watching Zack every now and then to see if I woke him up or if he was secretly watching me. So far, he hasn’t moved and his head is still under the pillow he was using.

I was right in front of my closet when someone knocked on my door. I mentally cursed at myself but before I could utter a word, the door opened and Zack’s head perked up and out of the pillow. I turned to see two boys in awe. One of them was Zack and the other – to my surprise – was Ryan.

“What I think happened isn’t why he’s here, right?” Ryan asked me as he came over and came too close for comfort.

I felt blood rush to my cheeks as soon as I saw Ryan’s eyes scanning me from head to toe stopping in parts ordinary boys were known to stop at. Zack cleared his throat to capture both our attentions. He didn’t seem happy anymore. He seemed angry, frustrated and irritated all at the same time.

“Um, can we, uh, talk later?” I stumbled over my words as I tried to get him away from Zack.

“Sure,” was all he said and he was out of the room.

I grabbed everything else that I needed in one quick motion and then I headed to the bathroom where I started to inhale and exhale heavily. I bit my lip as I put some clothes on. I was afraid to get out of the bathroom but I had to get out one way or another so I slowly twisted the door knob and got out of the room only to come out to an empty bed and door left wide open.

I still didn’t hear anything from the first level of the house so I guess Zack and Ryan were in two separate places. But I didn’t hold my breath there. Once I brushed my hair and sprayed perfume all over me, I went down and was about to head to the kitchen when I noticed that the front door was left open and Zack and Ryan were going at it on the front lawn.

Zack’s fist connected to Ryan’s jaw and no one was doing anything about it. I ran outside as fast as I could and tried to stop them from killing each other but when I stepped foot on the lawn, Ryan tumbled Zack over so that he was on top of him and he was about to start pounding on Zack but I tried to hold him back. He pushed me back so hard that my head hit something hard. It might’ve been a rock but I wasn’t sure. Everything went black and my senses soon faded away. The last thing I heard was someone calling my name and then, I was cut out from reality.