Deserving Selflessness

Stevie didn't go to school very much. He felt bad when Shaun skipped with him; Shaun was healthy and able to sit in a classroom and learn without feeling groggy or ill. He should have been in class all those times he was with his boyfriend instead. Of course the older teen didn't mind, he was a decent enough student- they both were, and neither of them had to worry about failing.

Stevie still felt bad because he had a health note for his absences not to be counted against him. Shaun didn't. So there were days where Shaun would have to go to school and leave Stevie alone. He hated doing that so much. They texted all day although it wasn't the same.

Stevie knew that Shaun had quit his job. What Stevie didn't know was why Shaun had quit his job. He didn't know about the check Shaun got and he didn't know about the man who gave it to him. And it didn't matter. The more time he got to spend with Shaun the better.

Shaun thought about Stevie a lot while he was in class without him, and even though it felt wrong, he also thought about Micah. This man was so nice to him, and he cared so much without even knowing him. Shaun wondered why he was so generous. He wondered if he was only nice to him because he was in the same situation. He didn't really dwell on it so much, he didn't want to think about the blue eyed Australian. But he was definitely thankful for him.

"Oh Stevie I'm so glad I'm back. The day seems twice as long when you're not there..." Shaun cooed, hugging his boyfriend tight.

Stevie laughed and rubbed at Shaun's head; his hair was starting to grow back already...and it made him sad because he knew his wouldn't. He didn't want Shaun to have to keep cutting his hair. It wouldn't be fair to him at all.

"I'm glad you're back as well. I missed you. I've been napping for a while so I'm wide awake now. I was wondering if you wanted to go to Chinese Buffet or something, I'm actually hungry for a change."

Shaun clapped his hands together and tried not to get too excited. "I haven't been to a buffet in so long. I was thinking about food all day, this is music to my ears. Can we go now? I mean it's early it's only 2 o' clock but that's good 'cause that means it won't be crowded and there will be more food for us and can we get those little sugary doughnut things that they have next to the jello?"

Stevie always loved how little things made his boyfriend so excited. It never took a lot to keep the boy occupied and content, and that made Stevie so happy. Shaun was like a puppy in so many ways. His love was unconditional and as long as some sort of attention was given to him he was great; more than great.

"We can get whatever you want. And we can go now as long as you don't mind driving? And it's my treat, okay?" That statement caused Shaun to shake his head.

"No it's my treat, Stevie. Don't even bring your wallet. I got this. Just because I don't work anymore doesn't mean I expect you to pay for me. I've been saving, believe it or not I know how to do that. And I have a lot of money to take you out and buy you things and treat you like a prince okay?"

Stevie was confused. He didn't think Shaun saved any money, from the way that he spent it all the time. Shaun was always in a new outfit always buying tickets for shows and he must have spent 100 dollars on food every week, no joke. It takes a lot to fill that boy up, he could eat all day if he wanted too.

"Wow, I...I didn't think that you had been saving. Sorry baby, I didn't know. But I don't want you to pay for me all the time. It should be even. You're the best you know that? The best boyfriend anyone could ask for. And you're so cute. Not that I'm shallow or anything...but I've got a super cute boyfriend."

Shaun grinned and made a face. "I am not cute! If anything I'm remotely attractive, and that's it. You on the other hand...you're freaking sexy. And don't you dare try to argue with me because I can get 50 people or more to agree with me. But the more I talk about how sexy you are the more I'm gonna want you to fuck me so let's change the subject. Chinese food...let's go."

Stevie wasn't offended that Shaun used the word 'fuck.' It was actually kind of hot sometimes. They loved each other and they knew when they had sex that it meant something, even if Shaun was on his belly getting fucked into the mattress really hard and fast by Stevie. No matter what kind of sexual encounter they had, it was always intended with love. Not many couples experienced that kind of sex, but Stevie and Shaun definitely did.

"Shaun I wonder how long you and I could go without sex. I'm afraid to try it, because I have no idea what the consequences would be...but aren't you curious? We've been so into each other all this time...what if we just cut each other off?"

Shaun was scared that Stevie was serious. Shaun with no sex was like a cupcake with no frosting, a zebra without stripes, a candle with no wick. Shaun wasn't a whore...not with anyone other than Stevie but no sex? Complete oxymoron.

"Um, I'm pretty sure if you cut me off from sex with you I'd be in the shower for way longer than I'd have to if you know what I mean. You wouldn't really do that would you? That's just cruel! I mean...if you can't y'know...'cause you're sick or tired that's a different story but-"

Stevie politely interrupted his lover with a silly smirk on his face. "Let's do it. I wanna see how long we can go. Hey, before you get all bent out of shape...I'll make it interesting. We can touch each other above the waist. We can sleep together naked. Just no sex. No blow-jobs or hand-jobs either. If you cave in first, which I bet you will, I get to do whatever I want to you. If you win then you get to do whatever you want to me. Deal?"

Shaun smirked as well. "Well hey now that there is motivation I'm down. Fine." They shook on it to make it official. "But can't we have sex tonight and start our little bet tomorrow?"

Stevie giggled. "Nope. Starts right now," he rubbed at Shaun's lower belly. "This is going to be so much fun. I can't believe I haven't thought of this before."

Shaun pouted. "You're mean, Stevie! I'm going to make you want me so bad, you'll see. You think you're already the winner. I'll show you." So cute how Shaun got so competitive.

Stevie took his boyfriend's hand in his own and dragged him towards the door. He made a mental note in his head to write down on a piece of paper later on for the amount of days Shaun would last. He had a maximum amount figured in his mind and that magic number was 3. He thought Shaun could only last 3 full days without any type of sex, he just needed to see if his estimate was right.

~

Micah did something he never thought he'd do. He had held in his feelings. He wanted to talk to Jack for the longest time about what he confessed at the hospital. His withholding of information could have really harmed him. Micah kept his mouth shut because he didn't want to stress Jack out right after he got out of the hospital. And he didn't want to bring it up too soon. So he never really found the right time. But he knew no time would feel right so he'd just have to bring it up at random.

What time could be more random than after dinner?

"Jack...we um. We need to talk." Micah's tone scared the younger man, he thought he was in trouble or something. Maybe he put the dishes in the washer wrong and it broke it somehow.

"About...about what?" Jack's eyes looked so tired, like they always did. And it made Micah feel guilty. But he had to get this off of his chest or else it would eat him up inside.

He brushed his finger across Jack's cheek to let him know he wasn't angry.

"I know I should have said something right off but...God Jack why did you keep that awful secret from me? Why couldn't you just tell me you've been getting sick each morning...I- I feel like I could have helped you I could have done something..." Micah was noticeably upset, and that hurt Jack.

That isn't what Jack wanted. He was trying to protect Micah, not make him angry with him. He only wanted to ease Micah's pain, not make him worse. But he had an idea that it would only backfire.

"Micah...I'm so sorry that I kept that a secret from you. I honestly thought that it wasn't a big deal. You were asleep and I didn't want to wake you. I just wanted you to have some sort of peace in your life. And with me being sick and all...you never get that. I just thought it would be okay if I handled it on my own."

Micah kept rubbing his thumb against Jack's skin. "...You didn't trust me, Jack. Or maybe you did...but not enough. You didn't trust me enough to tell me you were having a problem that I could have helped you with. I could have stayed up with you and made sure you didn't need to go to the hospital- like you just had to do a couple weeks ago. You had a doctors appointment shortly after that. You told me your condition was the same. Did you lie about that too?"

Jack shook his head as tears started to fall from his already sad eyes. "Of course not Micah I would never lie straight to your face. I would never lie to you at all. I swear I was telling the truth. I'm really sorry. I didn't...I really didn't think that you would have to find out like that."

Micah wiped his tears away and brought his small body closer to his larger frame. He felt bad for being so accusing- so lawyer-like to Jack. He didn't mean to make him cry.

"Look Jack, it's okay. I forgive you. I was just hurt, that's all. I just...I just really need the truth from now on, okay? I know that you didn't mean for any of this, I know that. I know you're a good person and a wonderful boyfriend. But Jack you're not just my boyfriend, you're my soul mate and I love you. If you can't trust me fully and completely then we've got major problems."

Jack pulled back and grabbed onto his lover's face. "I do! I do trust you, Micah. I wish you'd believe me. I made a stupid mistake and I'm sorry...I'll do whatever it takes to prove that to you. I'll never hide anything from you ever again."

Micah felt extremely guilty at what Jack was saying to him. Micah was doing the same exact thing to him; he was being a hypocrite. Jack had no idea about Shaun, the boy that he met at the hospital. Shaun's acquaintance with Micah was no life or death situation but it didn't matter. He was still hiding the fact that a part of him cared about Shaun. He was hiding that he shared similar feelings with the boy and he was hiding the fact that in some weird way he reminded him of Jack when he was younger and healthy.

He would never tell Jack about Shaun. It was unnecessary. Jack didn't need to know about the naive boy who Micah had only met a few times. Micah didn't plan on developing a 'normal' type of friendship with the boy. He only wanted to help him with his own boyfriend. Because Micah knew that it wasn't easy. Nothing about having a sick boyfriend was easy.

Shaun wasn't a threat to anyone, so he wasn't Jack's business. Jack didn't have to know about someone who had no affiliation with him at all. It would be better that way. And that is why Micah still remained mum about him.

"You don't have to prove anything to me Jack. I'm crazy about you...and I am so in love with you that it almost hurts. I can see in your face how sorry you are, and that's enough. I just...I don't ever want to lose your faith in me. I will always have faith in you and I will always come to you if I need to talk. I only want the same for you, sweetie. That's all."

Micah saw Jack's lip quiver and he quickly kissed it to make it stop. He wanted to make love to him...but he wasn't sure if it was what Jack wanted. He didn't want him to feel obligated to, so he didn't push for it. He just kept kissing him softly and he kept his hands on his face.

Jack surprisingly made the move to take off Micah's shirt- but he looked at him at first as if it ask for permission. Micah said nothing, he only lifted up his hands to make it easier for his boyfriend. He realized that the kitchen was not the best of places to start something like that, so he picked up his lover and carried him up to their bedroom; the most comfortable place to make love in his opinion.

They made love nice and slow. Nothing was rushed. Micah kissed him as much as he could. Micah always loved to kiss while he had sex...he never really could have sex unless there was some sort of kissing involved. Micah was the type of guy who preferred kissing over any kind of oral sex; he'd rather make out than have someone go down on him. He was actually never really into that sort of thing, a rarity in any guy.

Jack tried not to look down at his own body in fear of losing his erection. He was saddened by the fact that he could gross himself out. His bones stuck out way too much and he looked like a skeleton. He wouldn't have sex with a guy who looked like that and he often wondered why Micah did. He knew Micah loved him but he wasn't sure why. He knew why he loved him in the first place but he was very confused as to why he would still love him now.

Maybe because he was the same Jack that he always was...he was just thinner and had no hair. He wondered if his condition made Micah uncomfortable in bed. They had talked about it, and Micah convinced Jack that his body still turned him on even though it was disgusting to the younger man. And he also only had one testicle, due to his cancer he had to have it removed. He thought if that wasn't a deal breaker, what was? And he thought for a second that maybe it really didn't matter. Maybe Micah really didn't care about what his body looked like, and he was making love to him because he was in fact, in love with him.

"I love you," Jack whispered because...he did. And there wasn't a time when he felt it stronger. He felt it come down like heavy rain, and he loved every second of it.

For the first time in a long time, Jack O' Connor felt truly loved. And it was all because of the beautiful man who was making love to him at that very moment. "I love you so much."