Deserving Selflessness

Shaun woke up first, which was very unusual. Stevie was always the one who arose early, and woke Shaun's ass up before 3 o' clock in the afternoon rolled around. But this morning was different than most; Shaun guessed Stevie must have been worn out from the passionate sex they had right before they went to sleep.

"Stevie..." Shaun's voice was quiet while he shook his boyfriend, until he realized he was drenched in sweat. "STEVIE! Stevie...wake up somethings wrong!!"

Stevie jolted awake and sat up straight in his bed. "What the hell, Shaun? What's wrong? What's wrong?" Shaun pointed and started to panic.

Stevie felt his shirt and noticed the wetness. He hadn't had any bad dreams...there was no way he was nervously sweating. He tried to think if he actually could remember when he started to sweat...or why. But he couldn't. But he didn't want to frighten his lover.

"It's all right, Shaun, calm down. Don't freak, I'm okay. I just...I must have had a dream that I died or something. I'll take a shower quick and we'll eat breakfast as soon as I'm out okay?"

Shaun nodded his head slowly, still shaken up a bit. Never did take much to scare Shaun. Stevie was a bit of a prankster but after he started to date Shaun he knew that he needed to stop, or he'd lose Shaun. Shaun liked magic tricks, not evil pranks.

Shaun waited downstairs with Stevie's mom while he showered. Stevie's mom was sort of awesome to say the least. She owned an 'I love my gay son' T-shirt; and wore it. She went to New York's gay pride in the city 3 years in a row with Stevie. She was the worlds best mom. She loved her son more than her own self. And she also loved Shaun.

"Morning sweetheart, what will you have for breakfast? Did you guys have fun last night?" she asked, winking at her possible future son in law.

Shaun wasn't shy- Stevie's mom made him feel super comfortable at all times. He sometimes forgot she was his boyfriends mom, he thought of her as a big sister more than anything.

"Laura!" he joked, laughing. "I'll just have some frosted flakes, I'll get it myself. And yes, we did have fun last night. Did you?"

The older women looked up to the ceiling. "Maybe, maybe not. I'll never tell. You probably don't wanna think about us old folk getting it on anyway," she took out a bowl for Shaun. "Hey there's my boy, good morning Stevie, do you want cereal too?"

"Sure mom, thanks." Stevie tried not to freak out himself, about the fact that he was apparently sweating his brains out during the night. He was thinking about Web MDing it just to see if he needed medical attention. He thought he was overreacting but he'd rather be safe than sorry.

After Stevie's mom left for work five minutes later; Shaun was bored. Shaun had begged Stevie to play a board game with him. Stevie wasn't really in the mood, and wanted to watch TV, but TV bored Shaun to tears, so Shaun made sure he wasn't going to spend his day in front of the television. Stevie eventually gave in, even though he didn't want to, because he loved Shaun and wanted to keep the peace. Last time Shaun didn't get his way all hell broke lose and he sort of threw a tantrum. That was the last time Stevie ever said hide and seek was stupid.

"Does your person wear glasses?" Stevie asked, hoping that their game of Guess Who wouldn't last much longer.

"Nope, no glasses. Does your person have black hair?" Shaun looked like he was having a blast even though it was the 10th time in a row that they've played the same game. Shaun wanted to play until he won- which was the scenario for most games that they played. He was happy for Stevie if he won, but not if he won more than once.

"Yes as a matter of fact they do. Is your person a boy or a girl?" Shaun flipped down all but one piece. He had on a super playful smile.

"You have Amy, don't you, Stevie." And Stevie nodded, happy that it was finally over.

Shaun did his 'I won' dance and then he claimed the game was getting old and he was up for something else.

"Why don't we just relax, babe. I really want to see that movie...what is it called. Um, 7 Pounds, with Will Smith. Why don't we watch that?"

Stevie put on his famous smirk and slowly approached his boyfriend. "I've got an idea," he bit his lip and placed both hands on Stevie's chest. "How about we save that for a rainy day. And...maybe we could have a little fun? Doesn't that sound better, baby?"

Stevie always had so much trouble saying no to sex with Shaun. Not that he wanted to say no, sometimes he just wasn't into it, or Shaun wanted it again right after they had just done it and Stevie couldn't keep up.

"Shaun, I honestly think I ran out of condoms," he tried to explain, holding onto Shaun's hands.

Shaun pressed his lips up against Stevie's and began to kiss him, walking him backwards into the wall. "It's okay, we don't need to fuck. We could just fool around. Right?"

Stevie closed his eyes and so many images came to his mind. He felt himself grow inside his boxers. "God, Shaun. I can't believe how you do this to me...every time."

Shaun smiled and started to unbutton Stevie's pants. "I'm sorry that I'm so horny all the time, really I am," he said seductively. "I just can't help it. I love you so much and I love to be naked, I love seeing you naked, and I love it when you touch me and I touch you- I really really want you to fuck me."

Stevie couldn't really do much except breathe heavy. "I- I really think we used my last condom last night. Do you have one?"

Shaun took out his wallet from his back pocket and flipped it open, looking in his secret spot where he usually kept an extra. "There is a God," he said, pulling out their legitimate last condom. They would so need to go to CVS and get a 100 pack so they wouldn't run out for a while.

Stevie dropped his underwear and took the condom from his boyfriend, tearing the foil and putting it on. Shaun was already unclothed and bent over by the time Stevie was done.

"Shaun I don't want you to get rug-burn, maybe we should migrate to my room, or the couch at least?"

Shaun stood up and dragged his lover to the couch. "Aw, thanks for thinking about me, baby. Now hurry up and fuck me, I'm pretty sure I'm leaking over here."

To some that statement would be sort of gross, but to Stevie? The biggest turn on ever.

Stevie didn't last as long as he usually did, he got turned on really good and really fast and he was displeased with his stamina. Stevie and Shaun had a record. The longest they'd ever had sex was two whole hours, and they were completely sober; also their record for the most times in one day would have to be six and a half. Shaun liked to keep the reason why it was six and a half and not just six a secret. The truth was that Stevie didn't have enough in him to for for 7 so Shaun kinda got off himself, with his boyfriends help of course but...not much.

"I'm sorry it was kinda bad, babe. I...you make me come so fast I feel like I'm 13 again. Next time will be better; promise."

Shaun cuddled into Stevie's chest. "Don't even, Stevie- it was amazing like it always is. God I love you."

~

Jack never enjoyed it when he had to go for chemotherapy. But he had to go, once a week. He hated that Micah wouldn't let him go alone- because he would honestly rather be by himself. He didn't like it when Micah watched what he had to go through every time. He didn't want his boyfriend to feel bad for him anymore. He just wanted things to be okay. Like they were.

Micah thought Jack was amazing. He was so brave...he would get in the car every Tuesday and know that he was about to go through one of the hardest parts of having lung cancer. He admired Jack for a lot of things but Jack's bravery was number one on Micah's list.

Micah held Jack's hand each time he had to have the needle put in. Jack always hated needles.

"You don't have to stay you know. I know it's kind of boring." Jack tried to let go of Micah's hand but the older man wouldn't let him.

Micah looked at Jack with sad blue eyes. "Jack, I love you, and I'm here for you. You know that. And it's not boring. It doesn't take so long, and even if it did I'd still say. Unless you really don't want me here. If you really want me to leave and come back...-"

Jack bit his lip and shook his head. "No, I don't want you to leave I just...I don't want to be a burden. I...I take so much time out of your day. I'd be fine if you wanted to leave. I- I really appreciate you staying with me, Micah. really I do."

Micah brought Jack's non IV hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. "I will be here, all the way, Jack. Until you beat this. I know you can, and I know you will. You're a fighter. That's what you're doing right now," he said with a half smile. "...every time you do this, it helps you, right? You'll...you'll beat this."

Micah started to feel deja vu. He'd said this many times before. He always tried to give Jack hope, even though he knew Jack thought the complete opposite. Jack wasn't ready to die he...he just seemed okay with it. He would never give up his battle but he would often warn Micah 'when I die..' to which Micah would say 'IF you die- and you won't...'

"Mr. O' Connor- I mean... Jack," Nurse Kimberly always forgot that Jack liked to be called by his first name. "...you're not quite done yet I know but...I was just wondering something."

Jack stared at her, waiting for her to speak. "If you're not up to it, let me know...but I was thinking that...maybe you could do me a favor. There are about two dozen children in the pediatric unit of this hospital that need to have some type of cancer and are receiving treatment...if someone older- like you, went to go talk to them about hope and perseverance and things like that maybe it'll change their outlook on things? Most of them are all right but some are scared and depressed. It doesn't have to be today or even tomorrow but...I know they'd really like it."

Micah squeezed Jack's hand a little bit, urging him to accept. It would be so good for Jack. he loved kids and to have an adult figure with the same kind of illness could really change their lives.

"Wow, um. Yeah, sure. I could come back and do it. I- I get real weak after I'm done with this...I wouldn't want the children to see me like that. But I'll definitely do it. I'm actually honored. Thanks Kim."

She smiled warmly at him and thanked him. "I'll come back in about an hour to hopefully get that awful needle out of your arm."

Micah leaned his head on the cushion of Jack's chair, gazing into his eyes, thinking how much more amazing he was. "That's a real good thing you've decided to to, Jack. You're great, y'know that? You know how lucky I am to have you?"

Jack closed his eyes for a moment. "No, Micah. You aren't lucky at all. I'm sick and boring and lifeless-" Micah quickly interrupted.

"Don't you ever say that ever again, Jack," Micah said, baby blues starting to water. "Jack, you have so much life left in you. You can't give up. Don't already cut yourself short. Yes, you're sick. You've been through hell and back. You've been told good news and bad news and you've gotten through it. Please, don't ever put yourself down again. We're in this together and we'll get out together, okay?"

Jack looked down at his lap. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I guess I can't help it sometimes. Listen I'm not giving up. Never, Micah. I won't- I refuse to leave you."

Micah held back tears as he hugged his lover gently. He never cared if they got dirty looks from people- he never thought anyone looked at them funny. Maybe because people were used to seeing them there, and together and all. Or maybe because people could have had the potential to actually be accepting. Maybe certain individuals realized that it didn't matter that they were two men; maybe all people saw was the love between them.

They played cards for a while until it was finally time for Jack to leave. He told Kim that he would be back in a few days to talk to the kids. He only hoped that he knew exactly what to say, to make the little ones feel more at ease with their hard times. Jack could never imagine being so young facing the same thing he was going through at his age.

"I have to go back to work now, sweetie, but remember all you have to do is say the words and I'll call in. It's okay, don't worry about anything. If you feel sick just tell me. I want to take care of you."

Jack got situated on the living room couch and reached for a blanket. His favorite blanket was always draped over the arm of the couch for him; the green and purple blanket that was so nice and warm. It reminded him of Ninja Turtles for some reason. It was a really cool blanket.

"I'll probably be asleep within the next five minutes, so I think I'm good. You go off and be your smart little lawyer self. Keep all the criminals out of jail and on the street where they belong," Jack chuckled a bit at his own sarcasm. "Just kidding hun, you know I know why you do what you do."

Micah kissed Jack's forehead. "I know, angel. I'll call you around lunch time to see how you're doing. I will see you later tonight. Sweet dreams Jack, I love you."

Jack had a doctor appointment that was coming up at the end of the month. He was nervous about it, because he'd been used to getting his hopes crushed. He really wished this time it could be really great news instead of news that goes from bad to worse.

He put his hands together and prayed silently in his head, praying that God hears him and helps him. He really wished he had more people in his life that were doing the same.