Deserving Selflessness

Stevie's mom knew what Stevie had done before he told her. She knew that her son loved his boyfriend enough to break up with him so he wouldn't have to 'deal with' his illness. But she knew what was best for him, and she knew that Shaun would help Stevie if he needed him...and he did. She was proud of her son, yet very disappointed. She appreciated his selflessness but she had thought she taught him a lesson about love. Her and her ex husband didn't work out so well, but she figured her advice about love would stick. The advice that said love conquered all, love would solve everything and love would be all he needed to be truly happy in this world.

A couple of days went by and Stevie still refused to call Shaun or even look at him. It pained him to see him in the hall and look away, and to pretend like he didn't hear him call his name. He felt like he was ruining Shaun, just from the look on his face. He felt horrible for leaving him in the dark, but Stevie had really thought he had no choice.

Laura decided to take matters into her own hands, even though she probably should have let Stevie and Shaun work things out for themselves. She just couldn't stand hearing her son cry over being apart from his other half...she had to do something about it. So she sort of stole Stevie's phone while he was in the shower and texted Shaun.

'Hey Shaun, it's Laura. I'm coming over, everything will be okay love, I promise.'

Shaun was terribly confused as to why Laura would try to get them back together. Shaun was certain that Stevie would want to talk to him after he sorted out what he needed to. He got scared, because he started to realize that maybe they weren't going to talk it out because Stevie really didn't want him anymore.

The teen let Laura in when she arrived. She had an apologetic look on her face, and her blue gray eyes looked sad. Shaun invited her into the kitchen and poured her and himself a glass of water.

"Stevie told me everything, but you know that," she sipped her water quickly and set it down. "I know you're super confused about all of this, and...I fear that Stevie would never tell you what's really going on. He'd KILL me if he knew I was here but I know I need to be here. You and Stevie belong together," she said with a warm smile.

Shaun folded his arms and sighed. "If that's true then why'd he dump me? Came out of nowhere, Laura! He just...flat out dumped me. Said he didn't love me or want me anymore. I thought he'd be over it by now but it doesn't look like it."

Laura outstretched her hand to the teen. "Sweetie, Stevie did what he did because he was protecting you. The truth is that he didn't want to burden you."

Shaun held onto Laura's hand and stared at her. "Burden me with what?"

She bit her lip and looked down at the table. She had only been dealing with Stevie's sickness for 4 days and it felt like he'd been sick for years. He was miserable- hopeless. He was 17 and he was preparing to fight for his life. Nothing made sense anymore.

"Shaun, Stevie just found out a couple days ago that he has non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. He didn't want you to worry about him or-"

Shaun retracted his hand and gave Laura the angriest look she'd ever seen on the boy. The boy that was always so joyful had given her the devils stare.

"With all do respect Laura, this is not fucking funny. I get that for some strange reason Stevie doesn't want to be my boyfriend anymore but this? Sending you here with some made up cancer story? Why the hell would you go along with this? It's...mean...it's disgusting-"

Laura was shaking her head frantically. "No, Shaun, no...it's not made up. It's true, hunny, it really is. He just found out. Did you see the signs? I didn't. I should have, but I didn't."

Shaun still didn't believe Laura. He didn't want to. He would rather that Stevie hated him, than this. Anything but this.

"Stevie can't be sick! He's young! He can't! He can't die! You're making this up. I want you to leave now." A part of Shaun really did believe her, he just wanted the truth to go away so he wouldn't have to live with it.

Laura got up and quickly enveloped the young boy in her arms. "He didn't want to leave you Shaun, he loves you, he just didn't want you to feel sorry for him. He really needs you, love. You need to show him that you can help him through this. Don't let him tell you no. He's stubborn- like his father was. You need to get to him, he won't listen to me."

She didn't notice he was crying until she didn't hear any reply. She almost knew why her son didn't want to tell Shaun. Shaun trying to understand reality was like a square block trying to fit into a round opening. Just didn't work.

"This can't be happening. Not to Stevie. He's- He's the kind of guy who says please and thank you always. And he returns the shopping cart instead of just leaving it in the parking space next to us. And he feeds the birds when they're in the pond. He ties my shoelaces when he knows I'd fall if he didn't. He...always watches out for me." Laura rubbed his back and let him cry into her shoulder. "I don't want him to die, Laura. I love him so much. W-What if he does? What would we do then?"

She hadn't really thought about it, because she was focused on getting Stevie better. His survival rate was good- it was above 50%, above 60% which was really good. She didn't take account for the other 31% that said he would die. She didn't want to think about that percentage. She would only have room for hope- nothing else.

"Shaun, don't even think about that. Stevie is strong. He's going to fight his very hardest. But he can't do it alone. He needs Mitch, and me, and you. He really needs your support. His chemo treatments are on Mondays and Fridays...he could really use the company. He'll be mad that you know about this at first but, he'll realize how much he really needs you. Trust me."

Shaun's world just got turned upside down and inside out. His boyfriend who is only a few months younger than him just got cancer out of nowhere. Out of the clear blue sky, Stevie was dying. And there was nothing he could do about it. And the fact that Steve couldn't tell him himself? Made it so much harder for Shaun. He thought Stevie could tell him anything...trust him with anything.

"M-Maybe he doesn't, Laura. He didn't want me to know. Maybe he really doesn't want me anymore. How can I help him if he doesn't want my help?"

Laura pushes back Shaun's hair. "My son loves you, Shaun. He regrets breaking up with you. He's been a mess ever since. He's completely silent- because he knows if he talks he'll talk about you. Look, he broke things off because he was terrified, okay? He doesn't know how to deal with his illness so he didn't think you would. And hell, I don't know what to do either, my only son has cancer that could kill him and all I can do is sit back and hope the treatments work. We just have to pray for him and be with him every chance we get." She offered him a smile, but she could barely get one out.

Shaun sucked in his bottom lip and let new tears make his cheeks wet. "O-Okay," he nodded at nothing, not knowing what to do with himself. "I feel like such a dick. I was so mean to him! I- I shouldn't have yelled at him like that I-"

Laura cooed the dark haired boy and eased his head back onto her shoulder. "You had every right, Shaun. You didn't know what was going on, you reacted just the way you should have. Just let it go, now."

She waited a while until she picked Shaun's head up. "...I have to go to work. Stevie's going to be all alone in the house, so...whenever you're ready I suggest you go and talk to him. Blame everything on me, tell him I told you. Don't let him slam the door in your face, you need to be assertive. Just...just tell him how much you love him, okay?"

Shaun nodded and hugged Laura. He always thought that she would be his mother-in-law sometime in the future when New York finally legalized gay marriage. He loved her, he loved Stevie's whole family. He couldn't wait to be a part of it. But all of that changed in a moment. His time with Stevie was possibly limited. There was a chance that he'd never be Laura's son-in-law at all.

~

Jack had decided that he wasn't going to take online classes. He knew that he was going to get better soon, and he'd be ready to continue where he left off as soon as he was healthy. He actually wasn't sure, he just hoped that he would get better so he would be able to resume his classes. He was halfway done when he dropped out- and he only dropped out because Micah made him.

His grades were fine, he just pushed himself too hard. He was very sleepy but still stayed up to study or finish a test or something that was getting in the way of his recovery. Micah didn't want to risk anything, so he asked Jack to quit- but only temporarily.

He had his doctor appointment in a week, and he was praying for good news. He had been starting to even feel better. He tried not to let it get to his head- he figured that his good health was because of his time with the children. They gave him mental strength which helped his overall strength.

"Jack, are you feeling all right today?" Micah looked at his lover with concerned eyes. "You look pale."

He always looked pale, so he guessed he looked extra Casper. That was always a bad thought in his mind- he looked terrible. He didn't feel like himself when he looked in the mirror. He felt like he didn't even know the person who was starring back at him.

"I've got a headache, but I'll be okay. I took something for it earlier." Jack got used to his headaches, but sometimes they got to him. He'd rather have a pain in his body than be throwing up. Anything was better than vomiting.

"Come lie down on my lap, Jack. I'll try to make you feel better, okay?"

Jack smiled and situated himself comfortably on Micah's' legs. They were watching the food network like they like to do in their spare time. The older man began to rub at the youngers' forehead, not too hard and not too soft. Jack closed his eyes momentarily.

And in that moment he had a flashback, a flashback of when he was younger. When he and Micah just met. He had only been 16 when he first laid eyes on the tall muscular Australian beauty that was Micah. He was riding his bike down the road, all by himself. He was on his way to the mall; he didn't live that far away and he couldn't get a ride from his mom or dad. He fell off his bike because he tried to doge a huge pothole in the street.

The only car that pulled over to help was Micah's 2004 white Land Rover Discovery. Micah saw Jack take a tumble out of the corner of his eye. He ran over to the bleeding teen and took out his phone to call 911.

"No really it's okay. I'm fine. I just scraped myself a little, no need to get an ambulance."

Micah closed his phone and took in the young boys' gorgeous features. Micah knew this boy was very young, and he felt a bit wrong for thinking he was cute, but he was only trying to help. He wasn't trying to put the moves on a teenager, not then.

"Are you sure you're o'right? You rocketed off that bicycle and you're a bloody mess."

Jack blushed at the man's accent. He never talked to a foreigner before. His situation made sense- Micah was the only one to help him because he wasn't a New Yorker; of course a New Yorker wouldn't pull over to help a kid that fell of his bike.

"Yeah, but thanks so much for coming to my rescue. If I had been hurt-" Jack had passed out as soon as he tried to stand up. A delayed reaction from getting up too fast after his head had hit the curb so hard.

Micah had taken the boy in his car to the emergency room. Luckily Jack had no concussions or contusions or hemorrhages- just scraped knees and hands like he had said.

"Hey Micah?" Jack mumbled, getting lost in the amazing head-rubs his lover was still giving him.

"Yes, love?" Micah smiled down at Jack even though his eyes were still closed.

"I'm glad that I fell off my stupid bike that day. I know I've said that before but...I'm really glad. I'm not glad that I made you miss your first class ever at NYU, but I'm really happy I fell off my bike. If I hadn't met you then I don't think I ever would have."

Micah leaned down and kissed his boyfriends' nose. "We would have found each other another way. I know we would have. We were meant to fall in love. Besides, that professor loved the fact that I helped you. She thought I was a nice guy. Well actually she thought I was lying at first, but then after a while she believed me."

Jack opened his eyes and put his hands on Micah's cheeks. "You are a very nice guy. The nicest, most caring, most amazing, cute, funny, smart-"

Micah wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "You're describing you, Jack, not me. Those qualities are all you. You are everything I've ever wanted Jack, really. I love you with all of my heart."

Jack could feel Micah's love sometimes. Like it was heat or something. He couldn't describe it, he just felt it. Never did he think Micah was lying to him or just saying anything just to say it. Micah was never that kind of guy. Micah's parent's did an excellent job in raising him. They raised a perfect son.

"And I love you," Jack sat up even though he didn't want to or feel okay enough to. "...and I will love you until the day I die. Which will hopefully be in like 70 years," he said laughing. "Imagine if I didn't die until I was like 95, that'd be something. Better yet imagine if I was 95 and you were 101. That would be crazy."

Micah laughed with his lover. "Jack, you will live until a ripe old age. Just like me. But let's not think 70 years ahead, love. Let's concentrate on now. Here. God, I love it when I have you in my arms like this," he hugs Jack and nuzzles into his neck. "I love that I have you like this. I can fall asleep with you and wake up with you and make you breakfast and just be in love with you. You make me feel like I'm literally on top of the world."

"I wish I could tell you, Micah, I wish I could tell you how you make me feel. But it would take so long, and I'd probably bore you. But just know that I feel so invincible when I'm with you. You are my air, baby. You give me everything I need to live- and without you I cannot live. So never leave me, okay?"

Micah would have asked Jack to marry him at that moment. He would have, if he had the ring. He had been secretly looking, at different jewelry shops and such, trying to find the ones that shinned just right. But nothing had called out to him yet, and he wouldn't buy a ring to wear for the rest of his life if it didn't wow him. And Jack deserved the best so...unless he saw perfection in the form of a ring he wasn't getting it.

"I would never in a thousand years think about leaving you. I hope you don't think I ever will. Not for any reason. You could rob a bank and I'd still love you. I'll love you no matter what. Good or bad. I hope you know that?"

Jack nodded and cuddled up next to Micah even more. "Of course I do. And I will love you no matter what, also. Even if you got rid of your sexy accent and shrunk a few inches and gained 50 pounds. Still love you. Not as much...but I'd still find some love for you somewhere."

Jack giggled because he was obviously joking and received several kisses from the older man.

He needed to get better. He needed the news he was getting in a week to be good. He didn't know if he could take much more bad news.

He just wants to see Micah smile every day again, like he used to. He'd give anything to see any kind of smile from him.