My Song

Memories sure stick around a lot,
folds and creases made their debut,
this is one long battle that I have fought,
the good times play out after the rain,
silence becomes nothing more but a game,
a game of holding out until the end of pain,
just remember that things will never be the same,
written once and proven twice,
this constant swing of events is precise

I had heard of a popular suicide point, just a five minute ride from the neighbourhood. My memories kept haunting me. The pain was so sharp, I was unable to numb it. I could not take it anymore. I had no one to live for but myself. What was left? I asked myself. Just my guitar, my lyrics, my songs.

The loneliness was unbearable. The silence in the house was louder than ever.
I decided to take things into my own hands. I had decided to die.

So they said, suicide is for cowards but no one was there to call me a coward, so who cared? All I had to do was to drive up to that cliff and throw myself down and all my problems would be over. At least, that was what I thought.

I took my guitar and my notebook with me and got into the car. Slamming the door shut and turning on the engine, I sped off towards the cliff.

I was sick of my life. I was sick of this feeling. I had nothing more.

When I reached my destination, I cut the engine. I stepped out of the car, along with my guitar and my notebook. If I was going to perish, I would perish with them.

The wind called my name, begging me to think twice. The land was desolate. The grasses were dying, clinging on with their roots which were trying to adapt to the strong winds on the cliff. I sat down on the end of the cliff. Tears ran down my cheeks, tears of joy and yet, pain. I opened my notebook and flipped to a page. If I was going to die, I would want to hear a piece of my own music before I perished into the depths below.

I held onto my guitar. My fingers shaking. And I started to strum and sing along.

Here I sit between the lines of life and death,
weeping in sorrow from the memories I can't forget,
remembering how we all used to be,
I shall leave soon with no regrets.

"Thats a good voice you have. Are you sure you want to leave it all behind?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin. I turned to find myself face to face with a girl, about my age.
Her ocean-blue eyes caught me by surprise. Her fair hair flew around in the wind. Her lips were curled into a smile. Her eyes gentle but concerned.

"Yes, I'm positive. I have nothing to live for."

She threw back her head and laughed.

"Nothing to live for? You sure? You have your music, you have your lyrics. You have yourself. You have the world to live for! How are you going to make up to all the other people in your future you haven't met yet if you die right now?"

"I don't even know them yet so why should I care?"

"How do you know you don't care? You aren't even giving yourself a chance to know them."

"I don't know......."

The tears continued spilling. The girl wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into an embrace, stroking my chocolate-brown hair. I bawled and sobbed, pushing her away.

"No! Everyone leaves me. No one wants me anymore... Don't try to wriggle your way into my heart! Don't break me anymore..." I screamed.

Anyone else would have walked away, leaving me in the mess I already was in but that girl was not like anyone else. She hugged me tightly, guitar, notebook and all.

"You're wrong. The people who let go of you never deserved you in the first place. They were never important in your life. You don't need them but not everyone is like them. Believe me, girl. I promise, not everyone is like them."

Christina was her name. Saving lives was her game.
She saved mine. Apparently, she came to the cliff without fail everyday just to talk people out of their misery. A few months later, I joined her.

Christina's words made a lot of sense. Who was I to assume that everyone else was like Mum, Dad and Clement? I did not know the entire world. There was still hope, even for a damaged life of loneliness like mine.

It is strange how life plays out for me. It is a song, starting fast and furiously, then slowing down, letting me feel the beat and sing to the lyrics, grasping the rhythm.

Life is unpredictable. It tosses me around. Tripping me over. Never really giving me the time to regain my balance. But thats just life, right? I adapt, I trip and I adapt again.

My mindset has changed. My perspective has changed. I used to wallow in self-pity and the sorrow of the past. But its okay to move on, I have taught myself that.

Time mends all wounds. For the harsher ones, scars do remain but life goes on. The scars just remain to remind me of what I have been through and why I still have to hold on.

This is my life song and its going to be playing for a really long time yet.