Just Another Lovesick Boy

It felt weird having Eddy ignore me. Within an hour after he crawled out my window, I found myself jiggling my leg or tapping my fingers anxiously. I felt incomplete and empty within a few hours. So after a few days, I felt myself slowly lose my mind. I had only one best friend my entire life. I still considered him my best friend but it was not the same when he was not talking to me. It was weird knowing that he just next door but yet we were so far away from each other. The board that connected our houses was still there but while my window was still wide open, his was closed tightly shut. On brief occasions, I would catch him pacing in his room, most of the time while talking on the phone. He looked absolutely normal, for the most part, but I could not help but wonder who he was talking to. Perhaps I felt a little jealous knowing that he had somebody other than me to talk to on the phone with.

I was sitting on my bed in silent sadness before standing up and walking over to my dresser. I stared mindlessly into its contents. Nara Lee had this idea that we should match, just for fun. But I could not help but think about all the times that Eddy and I mocked those kinds of people, just for fun. And then I could not help but think that Eddy was the one who mocked them while I laughed. Nara Lee was right. I was only the sidekick. I was the Robin to Eddy’s Batman.

After realizing that I did not even have a light blue shirt, like Nara Lee wanted, I grabbed a black shirt and blue jeans before pulling them on. I straightened my shirt before kicking the things around on my messy floor in search for my shoes. I froze when I looked down at the two options I found: black Converse or light blue Vans. I paused before ruffling my hair and bending down to pick up the black shoes and pull them on. I tapped the toes on the floor twice after I slipped them on before grabbing my folder and walking out my bedroom door.

My mom was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book while drinking a small cup of tea. In front of her was a plate of an untouched bagel. I grabbed the bagel off the plate and took a small bite of it before putting it back. My mom’s eyes froze in place before she looked up at me. Her eyes looked down at the bitten bagel before she looked back up at me.

“How rude,” she simply stated.

“You weren’t eating it, Mama,” I said as I rummaged through the fridge, looking for something to drink.

“I was going to. You don’t know,” she said before taking a sip of her tea.

“No, you weren’t. If you were, you would have eaten it when it was warm and toasty. Not when it was cold and disgusting,” I retorted as I took out a juice box and stabbed it with the straw.

“Was it like that?” she asked as she looked over her book down at it.

“Definitely.”

“You know me, honey. I got so into this chapter, I just wasn’t paying attention.”

“Obviously, considering you’re going to be late for work,” I nodded as I hopped up to sit on the counter.

“What?” she looked up frantically.

“It’s 7:25, Mama. You were supposed to leave twenty minutes ago.”

“Adrian Demetri Dawson, why didn’t you tell me to leave earlier?” my mom asked as she ran throughout the kitchen, putting dishes in sinks and grabbing things and putting them in her purse.

“You’re the adult here,” I said as I chewed on the straw.

“You’re the man of the house.”

“You wear the pants in this relationship, I’m not stupid,” I retorted.

“Good boy,” she grinned. “I’ll see you after work. I love you, be good!”

I sipped down the rest of my juice from the bright yellow box in silence as I heard the front door shut. I sighed as I looked around the now empty kitchen before jumping off the counter. I threw away the juice box and grabbed my folder off the counter. I opened a drawer in the kitchen and pulled out a pen and a pencil and put them in my pocket, along with my keys, before walking out.

I had just closed the front door and was locking it when Nara Lee had walked up. She scanned my appearance, starting from my head down, and a small smile donned her face when she noticed my dark shoes. The shirt she was wearing was a similar color to the Vans I left upstairs in my room and she wore it with black pants and shoes. Her golden hair was pushed back by a black ribbon. I smiled at her nervously before putting the keys in my pocket and walking towards her.

“Hey there, stranger.”

“Hey,” I grinned.

A loud slam grabbed our attentions. I looked up to my left to see Eddy walking off his lawn. His shoulders looked hunched as he walked away from us, not even bothering to look in our direction. I sighed lightly to myself before biting my lip as I stared after him. Nara Lee reached out and put a hand on my arm.

“He still not talking to you?” she asked. I could not help but feel a clench in my stomach as her concerned blue eyes looked up at mine.

“He’s upset. I don’t know what triggered it,” I answered honestly.

“Do you think it might be me?” she asked as she looked at his retreating body.

I bit my lip as I turned and started walking in the same direction he was, Nara Lee at my side. I scratched the back of my head nervously before glancing down at her.

“Do you want the truth?” I asked as she nodded. “It might be.”

“Would it be better if we stopped talking?” she asked nervously.

“Most likely, but I don’t want you to.”

“But what about Eddy?”

I pondered over it for a minute. “I love Eddy. He’s practically my brother. We’ve gone through everything together. I mean, shit, even our birthdays are the same day. He’s been my best friend since the day we were born. I would think if he’s really my best friend, he’d be here for me. He should know a girl isn’t going to come between us.”

“I’m not?” she asked with a smile. “And here I thought you liked me, Adrian.”

“What?” I asked frantically. “I did! I-I mean, I do! I really do, Nara, I swear. It’s just that he’s my brother, you know?”

“Chill, sweetie. I’m just playing,” she smiled.

“Don’t do that,” I sighed with a bit of a laugh.

“I just wanted you to admit the obvious,” she said as she straightened out the strap of her backpack as we reached the edge of the school.

“Huh?” I asked obliviously.

“I just wanted you to admit you like me, Adrian,” she clarified as we walked past some people, most of whom saying hello to her and ignoring me.

“Why would you want me to admit that?” I asked.

“Maybe because then it would be easier for me to admit that I like you back,” she grinned.

I stared down at her wordlessly with my mouth slightly hanging open and my eyes wide. She giggled at my expression before reaching out to straighten out my shirt of me. She smoothed it out with the palms of her hands and I could not help but shiver at her touch.

“See you in second period,” she said with a smile before turning around abruptly to go into her classroom.

I had to catch myself from falling after I took a step forward. I had been leaning down towards her without realizing it until she had walked away from me. I blinked a few times to get myself out of my reverie. I shook my head lightly and turned to walk towards my own classroom. I spent the next hour in a daze until I had finally reached the door to my second period. I poked my head in through the doorway, walking in all the way in disappointment to find Nara Lee was not there yet. I did not know why I thought she would there before me or why I wanted her to be there first. In disappointment, I walked to my desk and carelessly threw myself into my seat. I sighed as I put my folder on my desk and started playing with the edges of it as I looked through the window.

“Hey there, pumpkin!” a voice squealed in my ear.

I jumped in surprise, hissing in pain as my knee hit the metal part of my desk. I rubbed it as I stared up at the blond girl who was smiling down at me.

“Anya, what the hell?” I asked.

“Mr. Dawson,” Mr. Matthews said in a warning voice before looking away.

I gave him a blank stare before looking back at Anya. “What are you doing here?”

“Wow, Adrian, way to make a girl feel special,” she said sarcastically.

“Well, sorry. My mind was elsewhere,” I said, mocking her British accent.

“On Nara Lee?” she said with a smile.

“Yeah,” I muttered as I looked back out the window.

Anya was silent for a few seconds before putting her chin on my shoulder, her lips right at my ear and her breath slightly tickling me. “You know, Eddy is a wreck.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Then why aren’t you talking to him?”

“He’s the one not talking to me,” I said as I turned in my seat to look up at her.

“True. But you’re not exactly making the effort to talk to him either.”

“I don’t know why he doesn’t like her, Anya,” I sighed.

“Look at it from his point of view, Adrian. You’ve been his one and only best friend since birth. And now he feels like you’re ignoring him by being with her.”

“When have I ignored him?” I asked incredulously.

“You haven’t. And he knows that. But he’s scared that you will. He’s scared to death that you’ll leave him, like his mum,” she sighed sadly.

“Huh?”

“Adrian, get a clue. He loved his mum more than anything and she was stolen from him. And now the one person who understands him most is being stolen away from him again. He doesn’t think he can take it,” she explained.

“How do you know all this?” I asked, mainly thinking about his mom, which Eddy didn’t like talking about.

“He’s been calling me on the phone the past few days. We’ve been talking about quite a few things.”

“How am I supposed to fix this?”

“Talk to him, you idiot,” she said as she leaned against another desk.

“How? He won’t talk to me.”

She opened her mouth to say something before the bell rang. Our teacher immediately stood up and began scolding people who were not already in their seat. Anya gave me a small smile before straightening up.

“Let’s just say that it’s not locked,” she nodded before turning to walk out of the classroom.

“What does that mean?” I called after her.

“That’s enough talking, kiddo,” Mr. Matthews smiled as he shut the door behind Anya.

I refused to listen to the rest of the lesson. Instead my gaze kept drifting out of the window as I pondered over what Anya was talking about. I could not even bring myself to look back at Nara Lee, who kept turning around to stare at me in confusion. I simply gave her a small smile until the bell rang. When lunch finally came around, I slowly made my way to the terrace, where she was waiting for me at a table. She gave me a concerned look as she put her bag down. I sat down, squinting against the sun, as I put my folder down.

“I’m going to get lunch, Adrian. Do you want anything?” she asked.

“No, I’m cool. I’ll just guard your stuff,” I nodded. She nodded back slowly before turning around and walking briskly towards the lunch lines.

I played with my fingers nervously, trying not to look towards the table I usually sat at, which had Eddy and Anya sitting there. Every time I did look over there, however, Eddy was sitting there quietly with a small smile on his face while Anya was gesticulating wildly and laughing, presumably telling a story. I sighed to myself and looked away until I was jostled lightly by someone sitting next to me. I looked over to see who it was, only to scoff in disgust and look away.

“Oh, come on, Adrian, don’t be that way.”

“I have good reason, Cassandra. You kind of attacked me with paint filled water balloons.”

“That was just a joke. You take things too seriously,” she said as she flipped her hair back.

“And you keep things too trivial. One day someone is going to play a ‘joke’ on you and everyone will laugh, and you will feel humiliated,” I said as I fiddled with the edge of my folder.

“Right, like anyone would do that to me,” she laughed.

“Why are you really here?” I said, looking over at her.

“Just came to apologize, gosh,” she sneered.

“I have yet to hear an actual apology.”

“Consider what I said to be an apology.”

“You want me to consider ‘it was just a joke’ as an apology? That is seriously the worst apology I’ve ever heard,” I laughed sarcastically as I put my head in my hands.

“Fine. You’re too smart for your own good, Dawson. Nara won’t talk to me anymore because of what I did to you. She’s so sensitive.”

“Well, gee, with you as her best friend, I wonder why.”

“Shut up. I’m just having fun.”

“Oh, the lifelong terrible excuse of a high school student: ‘I’m just having fun.’”

“Yeah, see, this is why you don’t have any friends,” Cassandra sneered as she tapped my arm.

I had my mouth open, ready for a retort, but the second she said her insult, my lips immediately slammed shut. I glared at her for a moment before looking away. Her words echoed throughout my mind as we both quieted down. There were times that I had to admit that it really did bother me that I did not have any friends besides Eddy. We were friends but we were not the same person. We had different interests and there were things that I longed to share with somebody but I could not because all I had was Eddy and he would not be as interested in the things that I liked. But at the same time, having no friends besides Eddy did not bother me at all. He had been my best friend my entire life and I never found the need to have anybody else besides Eddy.

“Yeah,” I said softly. “Maybe you’re right.”

I could see from the corner of my eye that Cassandra was peering over at me curiously before she leaned forward to look at me properly. She furrowed her eyebrows at me before sitting back.

“Dude, I was just kidding,” she said uncomfortably. “Lots of people like you. It’s actually pretty fucking irritating.”

“Just because they like me doesn’t mean we’re friends. It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

“Wow,” Cassandra replied with her eyebrows raised. “You are really sensitive. Maybe you and Nara really are a match.”

I scoffed lightly with a slight smile. Though she definitely was insulting both me and Nara Lee, I could not hold back my smile at hearing that Nara Lee and I could be a match. Once Cassandra stood up, I hid my small smile before looking up at her. I was surprised to see her looking down at me not in contempt, but what appeared to be in concern.

“Okay, look, dude,” she started out. “I don’t hate you or anything. You just really irritate me and I know that’s not an excuse so…sorry. Or whatever.”

I narrowed my eyes at her before I realized that she was actually being serious. Apparently, that was genuine of an apology I could ever get from Cassandra Carta. “Um. Yeah. Okay. Apology accepted.”

“Ha, right on,” she grinned widely. “Well, since Nara still isn’t talk to me, can you please tell her that I finally apologized and I’d like my bestie back? I know she wants Phillip to say sorry but, well…he hates you. And, let’s be honest, fat chance you’d accept an apology from him, am I right?”

“I’d accept it if he actually meant it,” I shrugged.

“He wouldn’t,” Cassandra nodded with a sideways smile. “You know…I still think you’re irritating, but you’re actually not that bad.”

“Thank you. And I’ll tell Nara Lee you apologized.”

“Cool,” she grinned before leaning down.

“What are you doing?” a voice called out.

I quickly turned my head while Cassandra turned hers, as well. As we both turned to see who had spoken to us, I could feel the smoothness of Cassandra’s lip gloss smear across my mouth, instead of on my cheek. It was well known around the school that Cassandra was very physical and often kissed people on the cheek. I was not anticipating her to actually kiss me on the cheek, nor did I want her to, but the fact that she even was going to seemed to surprise me more than the fact that she accidentally missed and kissed me on the mouth instead.

However, once I realized that her lips slipped across mine, I could not help but reel back and stare up at her with wide eyes. She was looking down at me with a similar expression on her face as she quickly pulled back and took a step back. I turned back to see who had spoken to find Nara Lee standing there with her mouth slightly agape and her eyebrows raised all the way up. My hand reached up to mouth and quickly rubbed away the remaining lip gloss there.

“Wow, asshole, I don’t have cooties, you know,” Cassandra rolled her eyes, quickly getting over what had happened.

“Um…you guys?” Nara Lee walked up slowly and hesitantly.

“It was nothing,” I said quickly. “It was an accident. She was just trying to kiss my cheek, right, Cassandra?”

“Duh. I’m not a cheater,” Cassandra sighed.

“Oh…kay?” Nara Lee replied.

“It was nothing, babe. Trust me. You have your man, I have mine. We’ll pretend that never happened and Phillip won’t go on the storming rampage we all know he would go on if he knew. Later, Nara,” Cassandra waved before turning on her foot and quickly walked back inside.

“What just happened?” Nara Lee turned towards me as soon as Cassandra was gone.

“She said sorry. She misses you,” I nodded as I tapped my fingertips on the surface of the table.

“Oh. Did you believe her?”

“What do you mean?”

“That entire group is a bunch of liars,” Nara Lee shrugged as she uncapped her water bottle. “You never know what the truth is and what isn’t.”

“Well, I believed her. I like to think she’d be sincere when it comes to apologies,” I told her.

“Oh, Adrian,” Nara Lee glanced up at me from the corner of her eyes with a sly smile. “You’re too cute. That’s why I like being around you.”

I drew my eyebrows together as I continued to stare at her, wondering exactly what she meant by that. But I pushed my thoughts away and we spent the rest of our lunch together in silence before heading towards our English class. The silence between us felt awkward but I was under the impression that Nara Lee found it comfortable. After what had occurred at lunch, I was desperate to have the day be done with so I could just go home immediately after class but I knew that Nara Lee would still want me to walk her home so I had no choice but to wait everything out.

After my yearbook class, I waited for her under the large tree in front of the school. She smiled up at me as she approached me before I turned so we could walk side by side back home. We had a few moments of silence before she spoke up.

“You know, I think your blue tint is almost gone.”

“You think?” I asked as I stroked my hair.

“Yeah, I do.”

“I was hoping it would be fully gone before the wedding.”

“For your dad?”

“I could care less about him. It’s just that Cecilia has been really nice to me and I actually like her. I don’t want to look like a Smurf on her big day,” I explained.

“Well, that’s sweet. You’re going to be a good step-son.”

“I hope I am. I mean, I just respect Cecilia so much, considering she deals with my dad.”

“Adrian, have you ever considered forgiving your father?”

“I have. But every time I do, he always does something to fuck everything up.”

She nodded a few times before finally stopping in front of my house. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, Adrian.”

“Do you want me to walk you to your house?” I asked.

“No, I’ll be fine. See you tomorrow,” she said with a grin before wrapping her arms around my waist.

I let out a shaky sigh as a tremor went through me when she touched me. I was hoping that with our new friendship, I would eventual get used to her touch. But I had a deep feeling in my mind, heart, and stomach that I would never get used to it. She would always have this control over me. I wrapped my arms around her before she pulled away and waved as she started walking away. I stared at her for a few seconds before finally turning to walk up to my house. I unlocked the door and walked in. I closed the door and made my way up the stairs and into my room. I sighed heavily as I dropped my folder on my desk before I plopped myself face down on my bed. I rolled over and stared at my wall as I thought about what happened.

Everything just seemed…wrong.