Just Admit That You Love Me

I was sitting on the beach thinking about what Braxton had told me before picking up Rylee from the airport. He was gone now; back home where he should be, but I couldn't help feeling guilty for knowing what I knew and not telling Mikenna about it. I guess Braxton wanted to keep it a secret for Mikenna's sake, making her sure she had fun the rest of the summer but it bothered me. I decided that I wasn't going to tell her though; not yet.

I lay on the beach with my hot pink bathing suit on staring out at the water. I was supporting my upper body with my elbows, which were very softly brushing against Ethan's every so often. I didn't care though; I liked the feeling. Ethan was my summer fling, he was nothing more than casual. He knew and I knew that and it worked out well for us both. Geof was no longer going to be in the picture, so my summer is now going to be spent kissing Ethan, holding Ethan's hand, being with Ethan. I felt him move beside me and start to tickle me.

"Stop it!" I screamed while laughing. He leaned down on top of me and kissed me softly on the lips. He never moved or got off of me though which made me wonder a bit about the people on the beach watching us. I've never had a problem with public displays of affection before, but this felt weird.

"People are staring." I said pushing him off of me playfully. He raised his hands up in defense but then instead of placing them back in the sand, he dragged his fingers lightly down my arm until he reached my hand. I looked at him and smiled.

"You never cared about that before. Plus, they don't mind. It's not uncommon to see a guy and his girlfriend making out on the beach." I felt my heart stop at his words, and not in a good way. I thought this was simple and very very casual. I thought that we both understood that. He had to have understood that.

"Girlfriend? I never heard about this before." I said confused and hesitantly. I was trying hard not to hurt his feelings, but I was completely taken aback. He stood up and helped me to my feet before looping his arm around my waist.

"Yeah, well kind of. I mean, I like to refer to you as my girlfriend to people, but it's not like it's serious or anything. We're just casual, right? Not completely committed, but still in a somewhat relationship." I felt myself calm down at his words, which was odd considering the fact that most girls would be severely offended right now.

"Yes, that's exactly it." I said happy that he understood. My voice sounded a bit uneasy though which I think made him feel bad. I was only uneasy because I was still trying to calm myself down from the whole almost committed relationship thing I thought was going on here. I was not ready for that with him just yet. He was just my summer fling. Summer flings are supposed to stay summer flings.

As we walked I looked out in the distance and noticed Geof. He wasn't doing anything amusing or exciting he was just walking. He was walking with determination and then I realized that he was walking towards me. My brain immediately started to scramble for ways to leave so that he wouldn't make it to me.

"Hey, Ethan. I'll meet you later tonight, okay?" I noticed his confused expression and added, "I just remembered that I have to be somewhere." I started to turn the other way but he held onto my hand and turned me back towards him.

"It's not what I said is it?" I smiled a reassuring smile at him. It was definitely not what he had said. What he said was exactly what I wanted to hear. No commitments, no strings. Just us and the summer having fun under the sun.

"No, I feel the same way as what you said. I just have to be somewhere, that's all." I said pulling him close to me, but still keeping my eye on Geof. He was still too far from us to catch up just yet. "I'll talk to you soon okay? Tonight." And then I kissed him short but sweet and ran off.

I just kept running, it was all I could manage to do. Anything was better than facing Geof right now. I don't care if my legs want to fall off from the burning they feel, I am not stopping until Geof leaves me alone. I turned my head around to check on him and there he was, running after me, picking up his pace.

All I saw in the distance was sand and water. There weren't any places to hide out in, not even a lifeguard stand. All that there was, was me running, the water beside me, the sand beneath my feet, and Geof behind me. I just wanted him to stop running. It was as if the heavens granted me my wish at that exact moment because when I turned around again, he was nowhere to be found.

I stopped running finally and gave myself time to catch my breath. I was panting so hard and I needed water. I just wanted a drink of water and I would be fine. I was so hot too, I was debating on going swimming. I don't care much about getting these clothes wet anyways. I just needed to cool off. I stood with my arms crossed and just stared out at the waves, all of them making their way to the surface of the beach and then crashing over my toes.

It was then that I heard his footsteps. He was trying to be silent, but Geof was never one to walk silently. He always made noise when he walked, plus I could hear him panting too which didn't help his whole 'let's be quiet so Lauren won't hear me' thing he was trying to play. I didn't want to turn around but I forced myself too. Just to show him that I didn't care, even though I did.

"I'm so sorry, Lauren." He said walking towards me still. I put my hand out in front of me and he stopped walking. I didn't want him any closer than a meter from me. I wanted to punch him for being such an ass to me the other day. I wouldn't except his apology. I couldn't. He treated me like an animal that day we picked up Rylee, he talked to me like I was some creature about to run wild. I couldn't except his apology after he did that to me. To accept it would be to completely shatter all of my self respect and morals. He wasn't allowed to take my pride away from me.

"That's all I get? Some pathetic apology?" I was yelling at him, but I couldn't help it. I had to make sure I kept my distance because I was sure to hit him if I didn't. "You treated me horribly that day, Geof. You treated me like I wasn't even human. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me? Do you?"

"Lauren, I'm-" I cut him off though, because I had a feeling I knew what he was going to say next and I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it. I was so mad at him and hurt that I could hardly even look at him, but I forced myself too. I made sure I looked him right in the eye for my next words, so that he knew the extent of what he did.

"I wasn't the one who was always kissing you and then saying 'oh, let's be friends', I wasn't the one always holding your hand and leading you on. It was you Geof. You were the one who was kissing me and holding my hand and leading me on. I deserve better than this, I deserve better than you. Do you want to know what was me, Geof? The part where love comes in to play, because it wasn't you who loved me, it was me who loved you." I watched as he took a step closer to me, but I backed up right away.

"Lauren, you have to understand. I thought it would be better that way. I thought our lives would be easier if we pretended that there was nothing between us. I'm sorry, I just didn't want to hurt you." He looked so serious, so focused on what he was saying; making sure that he got every words out and that I heard them.

"You have a very funny was of showing that. You didn't want me to get hurt? Well, I'm hurt, Geof. I'm also going to walk away now and you are going to leave me alone." I started walking in the direction that I had come but he caught up to me and turned me around to face him.

"I love you, Lauren." He said it so softy and quietly that it was barely audible. I had heard it though and I let the words linger in the air for a long while. He looked nervous, not knowing what I would say back. I couldn't keep going back to him though.

"You have a funny way of showing that too." I said and then I yanked myself out of his grasp and started running away. This time though, he never chased me. He stayed in the same place and watched me go. Part of me ached for him, but the other part of me knew better. I had learned my lesson with him. I won't let him hurt me anymore.

This time, I was running with no intention of stopping because I didn't know what else to do but think. I didn't know where I would end up but I knew that the hotel wouldn't be it. Geof was probably heading there right now and I really didn't want to see him again. Dodging him in the hotel was going to be hard enough as it was.

I started to erase Geof from my mind and focus on Ethan. Ethan, though casual, probably wouldn't ever hurt me. Ethan will kiss me and play with me and make sure I'm safe. Ethan will be there for me. He's the only guy I will allow in my life at the moment. I liked it that way too. Our relationship was simple. We were casual, I was his girlfriend, and that was that.