Just Admit That You Love Me

Rylee had left a week ago and there was nothing I could do to get my mind off of him. I missed him so much it was unbearable. I needed him; I loved him. He was never going to talk to me again though, not after our last conversation together. He hated me now because of what I said. He hated me because I told him the truth. Mikenna did love Braxton and he so very clearly loved her. Anyone would be able to see it if they watched them together. Without me being byist here, I have to admit that they really do belong together.

Part of me has wanted to tell Mikenna for a very long time about Rylee and I, but the other part of me knows that if I do, I'll lose her forever. I know that I've been way over my head these last few months. My confidence level has gone down significantly while being on this trip and I feel horrible now about what I've been doing to Mikenna. I've already cried over all of this though, so my only other option is to live with it and make sure that Mikenna never finds out. It was going to be impossible though with Braxton knowing, even though I knew he'd never tell her. He may have threatened to tell her if I didn't, but there is one thing I know about Braxton if not anything else, and that is that he would never want to be responsible for breaking Mikenna's heart.

I didn't want to think about Rylee anymore, but it was nearly impossible not to. My heart was broken, but I couldn't let anybody know that. What was I supposed to say to anybody if they asked? I couldn't say it was because of some boy because then they'd want to know who and I wouldn't be able to make up a great enough excuse. I couldn't say it was because I was homesick because they'd be able to tell right away. I was stuck pretending I was happy when I wasn't.

I just need to get my mind off of him, that's all. Maybe have a couple of drinks and lose myself in them. Anything would be better than sitting here in my room sulking over some boy who wasn't even rightfully mine in the first place. I guess I deserved the misery I was feeling after all I had done, but part of me still believed that because my actions were out of love that I didn't deserve it at all.

I decided that I'd try and convince Mikenna about going out with me tonight. I knew that she wasn't going to go out tonight anyways and I needed a party buddy. If spending one of the only nights I may ever have with her again means that I'm a hypocrite, than so be it. If she ever finds out, I want to be able to have a few good nights with her before then.

I got up and walked out of my hotel room and over to Mikenna and Braxton's. I don't even think anybody else lives there except for the two of them; they're always out partying and what not. Mikenna and Braxton haven't been talking much lately though so I take it as they haven't really been home much lately either. Well, Braxton hasn't. Clearly Mikenna has been wasting away her days in her room.

I didn't bother knocking because I figured that would be stupid. If they were going to be shocked that someone was entering their house at this point than they were truly stupid. No one ever announced themselves or knocked before walking into another room anymore since we all knew that whoever it was was going to be someone we knew.

Besides, the chaperone's of the trip love us so much that they decided to take a few days off from what they call "watching us" and go sightseeing somewhere else. They knew that we wouldn't say anything to have them fired because let's face it, we have even more freedom than before. Which I guess wasn't that much more freedom since they basically ignored us while they were here anyways, but at least this way we could do what we want without having that really tiny risk of being caught. Mostly everyone just smoked up in their rooms now. Fortunately, Mikenna and Braxton knew how to handle their roommates and so their place smelt fresh.

I walked over to the bedroom door of Mikenna and Braxton. Who knows what she could be doing in there. Maybe she's figured out that she does love Braxton and they're getting it on right now. Why would I want to walk in on that; at least knocking gives them time. I smiled at the thought. It Mikenna has moved on than maybe I could be in the clear.

Unfortunately for me though, Mikenna was still in love with Rylee when she answered the door. She looked at me smiling and then let me walk inside. She was cleaning. Of all the things she could be doing right now on summer vacation, she chose cleaning. I wanted someone to party with me, not someone who was interested in being a housemaid for a living.

I sat down on her bed and watched her as she sat down on Braxton's bed and folded her laundry. She didn't say anything to me though; I'm guessing since I was the one who came over she's waiting for me to start speaking first.

"Do you want to come to a beach party with me tonight?" I said smiling widely at her. She looked up from her folded clothes and straight at me. "Maybe you can make ammends with Bree." I knew that I probably shouldn't have said that, but part of me was hoping that she'd agree if I added in the Braxton bit. I watched her shift uncomfortably, noticing that she was sitting on his bed. She was obviously awkward with being on it at all since they weren't talking at the moment.

"I don't think so. I kind of wanted to stay in tonight." Damn. I kind of wanted to go out tonight. I scrambled my mind for something else we could do instead. So drinking was out of the question obviously, what else was there to do? She wanted to stay in.

"What about a movie night then? Just us two, no romance though. How about "Shawshank Redemption?" That movie had hardly any romance in it. Mostly it was just about an innocent man who was sent to prison and then eventually breaks out. I loved it though, even though someone probably wouldn't think I would.

"Umm," She said thinking intently. "Sure, why not?" I was happy that she agreed, even if seeing her reminded me of Rylee. No drinks tonight, not anymore. Just us girls watching a movie we both love and talking about useless stuff. It sounded pretty good to me.

"Alright, good." I said getting up and sitting in front of her laundry basket. I took some her of t-shirts and started folding them. If we were ever going to watch this movie, she needed to get this done. Knowing Mikenna she wouldn't stop doing what she was doing until it was finished, and I really didn't feel like watching her fold laundry all night.

"Tristyn, can I ask you something?" She said raising her head, placing her folded shirt in the basket, and looking me right in the eyes. I nodded. "Have you spoken to Rylee lately?" I felt my heartbeat speed up. Did she know? Was I caught now? I wonder what she's going to do to me if she knows. Will she slap me or beat the shit out of me? I didn't know what to expect. I swallowed hard.

"No, I don't even like the guy... why?" I said it casually, as if it wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't feel casual though. I felt like my heart had been threatened to work faster unless it wanted to stop all together. I knew my breathing looked relaxed on the outside, but on the inside I was freaking out tremendously.

"I haven't spoken to him in a bit, so I was just wondering if you had. That's all." She said this hesitantly, as if expecting me to interupt her at any second and tell her the entire truth about Rylee and I. I realized that this could probably just be my paranoia kicking into gear, but you never know right? I nodded anyways as if I was trying to show her that I understood.

We finished folding the laundry then and so I walked over to the DVD rack and scanned through them before I found "Shawshank Redemption". After that I pulled out my phone and texted Rylee saying, Does Mikenna know about us? A few minutes later, he came back with I'm cheating on her with you. I think that if she knew, we both would have heard about it by now. Don't text me anymore, I'm wiping my slate clean.

I walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch, placing my phone on the table. I didn't want to look at it anymore. I hated how cold Rylee acted towards me. I hated how things had to be this way. I wish that he and Mikenna had never met. I wish that he had met me first and we were the ones in the relationship never having to worry about being caught. I decided that I needed a beer after all.

"Getting a beer, want one?" I shouted to Mikenna who was just walking out of her room and closing the door. She walked over to the couch and sat down shaking her head. Usually I would bring her a drink anyways and make her drink it because I felt like she neglected to have fun way too much, but tonight I was going to go easy on her. Who knows how long I have until she finds out?