Of Confidence

Melanie stared at the couple across the table as they kissed each other softly, acting like the twenty other people who were in the room didn't exist; it made her nauseous.

"Melanie?"

She turned at the voice next to her as she looked to her sister who was standing next to her chair. "Mom and Dad want to talk to you."

Melanie graciously moved from her spot across from John and Taylor and walked into the kitchen where her parents were finishing up the pasta they were making for her graduation dinner.

"What's up?"

Her father smiled at her, "Well first off, we are very proud of you, dear. And, we want you to make a speech for everyone."

"I haven't really had time to think about a speech, Dad," Melanie replied, feeling flustered. "I don't know what I'd say!"

"You'll know what to say when you get up there! It doesn't have to be a valedictorian speech or anything, just a simple thank you or whatever."

Melanie groaned, "I hate being put on the spot like that though, you know that."

Her mother grinned, handing her a pile of twenty China plates. "Too bad dear. They all deserve at least a thank you for being a part of your life."

Melanie waded back into her home after placing the plates on her dining table. She received congratulations from almost everyone in the room and smiled as she was successfully able to dodge John about four times.

She listened as her mother tapped a knife on a wine glass, calling everyone into the dining room for homemade baked penne. She sat in the left seat of the head of the table and groaned when she saw her mom pointing John and Taylor into her direction.

She sat farther to the left on her seat as John pulled out the seat to her right for Taylor. She was glad he was putting something between them; she was just upset as to whom that someone happened to be.

Melanie gave Taylor a fake smile as she turned to her father her who was tapping her arm lightly. He grinned at her as she followed his eyes and watched as John nervously stood up, tapping his glass, ready to make a toast.

She wanted nothing more than to tighten his neck tie and choke him; maybe then he would feel a fraction of what she felt around him when he made it to where she felt she could no long breathe. She tried not to stare at him for too long, but it was hard. If he was a work of art, then he was by far her favorite.

John smiled anxiously, before looking at everyone around the table who grinned up at the boy. "So, I pretty much know everyone here, but for those of you who don't know me I'm John O'Callaghan V, and uh, I'm Melanie's best friend," he looked down at her, a smile on his face and underneath Melanie could feel the pain he felt; the tension that no one else would see.

"Her family asked me to speak, saying I know more about her than anyone in the world, and they're right. Melanie is my other half...my better half. She was the daughter my mother always wanted, and the sister my brothers never had. But, Melanie means so much more than that to me...she's not my family that couldn't even begin to describe it...s-she's-"

She stared at John as he nervously spoke and she realized that he hadn't planned this, he was just saying the way he felt. He didn't have any notes, no stupid jokes of their past. This wasn't a description of Melanie to the family and friends around them; it was John's apology and his confession of how he needed her as much as she needed him. She felt Taylor shift awkwardly next to her, her smile faltering.

"She's the one who keeps me sane, while at the same time driving me crazy," he chuckled. "She, more than anyone in the entire universe, knows how to make me angry. She knows exactly how to make me just, insane! But she's also the only one who knows how to piece me back together after she's broken me. Because, that's what best friends do.

"I know I don't deserve a friend like her, I'm reminded of that every day when she gives me compassion and forgiveness for things that are unforgivable. But she doesn't hold a grudge, and even before I say I'm sorry she's telling me its okay, as if she read my mind. So, I'm going to do this now as to ensure that I never do anything to lose her in my life," his grin faded as he looked down at her.

"This is for everything that I have done to you in the past; every time I put gum in your hair when we were younger, the times I would rip the heads off of your dolls," he chuckled, before continuing and Melanie tried to hold back a tear that was forming behind her eyes; this was why she loved him. "This is for all the times I pushed you in the pool, all the times I secretly read your diary, and the time in fifth grade when I told Garrett you had a crush on him.

"But most importantly, this is for the time I wasn't there when you needed me most," he nervously smiled at her, his crooked grin making all the pain temporarily go away. "And this for all the dumb crap I'll end up doing in the future, probably even today," he said, remorse in his voice and Melanie watched as his eyes flickered down to Taylor quickly.

"Here it is," he started, and she knew what was coming next; the best friend's tradition apology. "You're smart, I'm dumb. You're beautiful, I'm ugly. You're extremely talented, and I suck at everything. Will you please forgive me and always be my best friend?"

Melanie laughed, wiping a small tear that had fallen from her eyes, "Yes, best friends is a promise," she said tenderly.

He smiled at her and it was as if a weight had been for the time being lifted from their shoulders, "I am so proud of who you have become, Melanie, and congratulations."

She watched as everyone around the table exchanged smiles and lifted their glasses in the air, "To Melanie."

______

Melanie laughed as her mother wrapped her arms around her daughter tightly for the fifth time. "Mom, if you don't go soon you're going to miss your flight!"

Mr. Hendricks walked back into the room, "I have all the bags in the car, Elaine."

Her mother frowned, and held her tight again. "I just hate leaving you on your graduation day!"

"Mom, our flight is at like, four am tomorrow morning and I'm going to a party tonight, so I'll be fine," she chuckled, releasing her mom. She and Haley began walking their parents out to their SUV as her father gave them each one last kiss.

"Haley, make sure to clean your room while we're gone, and the O'Callaghans will be watching over you, so no parties," Elaine instructed, causing laughter from her daughters lips.

They waved goodbye to their parents before walking back into the house where John and Taylor were cuddling on their couch.

"Don't you have a house, O'Callaghan?" Haley asked rudely, bringing a smile to Melanie's lips. She knew Haley was mad at John for bringing Taylor, and she loved how defensive she was being.

"Yeah, but I'm only home for one day and I haven't seen my girls in a while."

Haley scoffed, "Your girls?" She pointed to Taylor. "She's your girl, John."

John looked taken aback as Taylor sat awkwardly under his arm. "Y-you're right, sorry Haley."

"Besides, Melanie has Kennedy now," she replied spitefully.

"Haley," Melanie hissed, before looking at John who was becoming irritated. "Stop talking about things you don't know about, okay?"

Haley rolled her eyes before walking into the kitchen, "Yeah, whatever."

Melanie put a hand over her face, trying to cover her flustered cheeks. "I'm sorry about that. She must be on her period or something."

Taylor laughed, trying to erase the tension that was unmistakable in the room. "Don't worry about it, Melanie. Can I help you clean up?"

She smiled graciously as Taylor picked some plates of off the dining room table that was in the room adjacent to them. John stared intently at the TV screen in front of him, and Melanie knew he was just trying to not look at her.

"Haley doesn't know what she was talking about John," she whispered so that Taylor wouldn't hear them. "I'm not with Kennedy."

John shrugged, his facade of not caring hurting her. "Doesn't matter to me."

Melanie rolled her eyes, throwing down the wash rag that she was wiping her table with on the floor. "I am so sick of this."

She could hear John's footsteps behind her as she walked up her stairs, trying to escape the mess that he always seemed to make her become. She walked into her room letting John shut the door behind her. She ran her hands through her hair, frustrated with the way he made her act.

"What's wrong, Melanie?" He asked sympathetically.

She looked at him, incredulously. "What's wrong? Everything, John! We can't keep doing this! You can't apologize to me, make everything feel as if it's going to be okay and then bring a girl here after admitting you love me, it's so screwed up. We can't go on like this, John," Melanie said, sitting down on her bed, cradling her head in her hands.

"But, I do love you, Melanie. Why can't you see that?" He asked, sitting next to her.

"How can I not see that?" She repeated, not believing the words he was saying. "John, you sleep with me and leave. Never call me to say a word, come on my balcony one night for a totally romantic night and then you introduce me to your girlfriend, who I've always hated by the way, and then tell me you love me? If that's love, then I don't want it, ever."

Melanie stood up as she walked over to her window that was overlooking the setting sun. She heard him get up from his seat on her bed, and heard a clicking on her door. She thought he had left, but when she felt his hands place themselves lightly on her shoulders and lips press to her bare neck she knew what the clicking noise had been; the lock.

She tried to resist the feeling she got in her limbs as he kissed down her shoulder tenderly, making her eyes close. John moved his hands from her shoulders down to her hips, turning her around in his arms. She looked up into his eyes as she saw a sight she never wanted to see again; one tear slowly trailed its way down John's cheek, and then another.

She used her finger to lightly wipe away the tear, before letting her gaze meet his again. John sighed, letting his forehead rest against hers. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, trying his best to sound as if he wasn't crying. "I hate that I'm hurting you, but it's only because I want to protect you, Melanie. I'm not good for you."

Melanie shook her head softly, moving slowly against his, "Then why do you keep coming back to me, John?"

He looked into her eyes tenderly, and without another word pressed his lips to hers. She kissed him back, relishing the taste of his lips, loving every single second of his body pushing against hers fervently. It was nothing but lips, and it meant more than any kiss she had ever had with him.

Melanie pulled away slowly, before giving him a chaste kiss on his supple lips for one last time. "John," she breathed.

He pulled his forehead away from hers, a bewildered grin on his lips. "What, babe?"

"You're right," she said sadly.

"You can tell I love you?" He asked, optimism in his voice.

"Yes, but that's not what I was talking about," she started, nervously.

"What then?"

She gave him one last kiss on the lips, the lips she wanted to stay with forever; but the lips that she would learn to live without. "You're not good for me."

John pulled away, looking into her eyes, and she could hear his anxiety in his voice."Melanie, but-but no. Y-you what?" He mumbled all at once.

"I'm not going to come to London," she said delicately, trying to not hurt him more than she needed to. "Because, we can't keep doing this. We can't fight and then fall back in love. We can't have sex, and then not date because I'm not that girl. And you would never date me, you've told me and I get it. And, it is for the best like you said, because I need someone stable...someone who will be that rock for me in every way that I need him to. And that's also why when you guys get back from tour I'm going to try to work things out with Kennedy; because I think eventually he'll be what I need."

John stared at her, his hurt changing into anger and Melanie couldn't blame him. "Is he what you want though?"

"You know I want you, but so does Taylor and she's your girlfriend, and to me that means she won, John. I'm done fighting for you, because all I do is get hurt."

Melanie felt stronger than she had ever in her life; she was doing this for her and no one else. She was giving herself the will to get over John O'Callaghan.

John moved away from her putting his hand on her door handle, heatedly. "No one asked you to fight for me, Melanie," he spat.

She looked into his eyes, giving him every part of her for one last time, "You never had to, John."

John rolled his eyes before balling his free hand into a fist. "You are full of crap, Melanie. You say I play games when you play them right back to me!"

She scoffed at him, anger rising in her chest. "This is the first time I haven't fallen at your feet after one of your expectant apologies, John. I always forgive you after you hurt me."

He grunted, his hand becoming tighter on her door handle.

"You know it's an unforgiveable sin to apologize for something before fully knowing you will do it anyways," Melanie said sadly, regretting all the times she had forgiven him.

She watched as John sneered at her, "Good thing I'm not religious then, huh?"

Melanie walked up to him, furiously pushing him out of the way of her door. She turned her back to him, with one last glance over her shoulder, "Yeah, because you'd be burning in Hell."