Of Confidence

Melanie watched as no words came from John's mouth as his sad eyes stared at her wrecked body. He couldn't move his feet to walk over to her, he couldn't reach his hands to reach out for her. Fear was radiating off of his body, matching the fear that was radiating off of hers, penetrating each other's intentions of comforting one another.

Melanie could feel mascara stained onto her cheeks and she turned her baby blue eyes up to John's green orbs. "You should go, John."

She felt dirty, physically and emotionally. She felt as if John looked at her as a slut now that her innocence was taken from her. She knew that technically John had been the first one to take it, but that was out of love; it wasn't lust, and she felt that that's what had saved her virtue.

Melanie knew that John wanted to reach out to her. He wanted to gather her fragile body up and pull it into his arms, telling her everything would be okay. Melanie also knew that he couldn't chance it though; he feared he reaction. She knew he couldn't stand to hear her whimpers again; he was scared he would be hurting her.

“Melanie…”

“John please go, I can handle this,” she said quietly, burying her face into her hands.

“Who was he?” John demanded.

Melanie felt herself start crying as she shook her head viciously. Shame came over her body as she thought about that night and the blur her memories held. "I don't know. I was drunk. I-I can't remember his name, I don't even know if I asked it. All I can remember was-" Melanie paused, her mind filling with the one image that stayed in her mind as tears poured out of her eyes.

“Baby, what?” John asked softly.

Her tears stopped and her voice became harsh. “Do not call me that,” she said forcefully, watching as John looked taken aback.

The two fell into an uncomfortable silence, unanswered questions lingering in the air around them.

“Melanie, have you gone to the doctor?” he asked, delicately.

Melanie looked up at him, her hand balling into a fist and resting on the floor, her other arm wrapping tightly around her knees, “I’m not going anywhere.”

"Ba-" John paused as he stopped his word carefully. “Mel, we need to go down there. Come on.”

She shook her head. “Not like this," she sighed. Her skin was torn apart, colored in blues and purples. Her hair was in knots everywhere and her lips and cheek were cut. Too many people would look at her and she couldn't have that.

"I'll be right there with you, okay? We've got to do this, Melanie. We need to make sure you're okay," John pleaded, holding his hound out to her tentatively.

Her shoulders hung low, her stomach sunken in from not eating the past few days. She was dehydrated and her body was exhausted. She fell against John roughly, aware that her body's lack of nutrition made her fragile bones weak.

She let John pull out an oversized sweater that would cover her skin, although it was mildly inappropriate for the heat she was met with when the summer air hit her skin. They drove to the hospital in silence, and Melanie wiped the mascara off her cheeks with a wet one, tying her hair back into a messy bun in the nape of her neck.

John led her into the ER quietly, and she took a seat as he talked to the receptionist inaudibly. She could see eyes of the people around her in the room on her. A man in the corner of the room stared at her lip and the huge cut adorning it. Women around the room looked at her with pity, most likely assuming she was abused by a boyfriend. Melanie wished that was the case; at least she wouldn't be scared of every man in the room.

Melanie watched as a doctor hurried out of the door next to John, calling her name softly into the back room. She let John follow her back into the room without saying a word even though she really didn't want him there; she didn't want any males around. Not any that she had slept with anyways.

The doctor instructed Melanie to lay on a sheet of paper that laid on top of the examination bed in the room. The doctor looked at her caringly, while brushing her red hair out of her eyes. "Do you mind leaving sir?"

John nodded his head before giving Melanie one last glance and exiting the room. Melanie looked at the doctor, a thankful smile on her lips.

"How are you feeling, Melanie?" She asked, sadness in her eyes.

Melanie gulped, looking away from the lady's green eyes. "Not too good."

The doctor nodded her head as she took out a camera and latex gloves. "Well, my name's Carissa. I'm going to be performing your rape kit today. If you ever need a moment to stop, just tell me."

Melanie nodded her head, waiting for her instructions. She laid out on the bed as Carissa took pictures of her every cut and bruise on her skin. She wrote words on a form describing every mark on her body.

Melanie did everything as Carissa asked, feeling overly uncomfortable when she went in her region below her hips. She gripped the sheet on the bed hard, trying to hold back tears that came back to her as she thought of what had happened, and the blur of the night it was.

About an hour later Melanie was told to dress back up as Carissa let John back into the room. She let her feet hang over the edge of the table as John took a seat in a black folding chair next to the bed she sat on.

The doctor took a seat across from them across the room, taking off her gloves and disposing of them. "So, Ms. Hendricks, you have a choice to make dear. We can turn this over t the police when the rape kit's answers come back, and have them look into the case, which will bring you to court with the man if he is identified. Or, we can tell you if you are disease free, and let you go without looking into the case."

Melanie stared at the doctor before turning her gaze down to her hands that were dwindling in her lap. "I don't know if I want to know who it was," she said quietly.

She looked out of the corner of her eye at John, who was looking at her with a disapproving look on his lips. Her doctor nodded her head, seeming as if she understood her decision. "One in four women are sexually assaulted, and out of all of them only five report their rape," Carissa said, understanding in her voice.

Melanie could tell by John's actions that he didn't agree with her decision; but frankly she didn't care. The two walked silently out of the emergency room all the way to the car.

She felt her eyes squint as the sun hit her eyes blaringly, momentarily blinding her. She opened the door to John's BMW and glided inside to sit on the hot black leather. They made no attempts at speaking on the way to her house and Melanie was relieved to see Haley's car gone when they arrived back.

She walked in the house, her feet softly hitting the cement outside of her house. Her temperature was relieved at the cooled air of her home met her sweating skin, and she pulled off the sweater John had given her slowly. She was left in a white tank top and jeans, and when she saw her reflection in the mirror in their living room she couldn't help but to grimace; she looked broken.

She watched as John approached her in the reflection from the mirror, and she swiftly moved away from him. Melanie reminded herself that this was John, not the man that had hurt her, but no matter how many times she told herself this she still felt nervous of his body that oversized her own.

Melanie watched sadness gleaming in John's eyes, and she wished she could say she was sorry, but she couldn't. He just needed to understand, even though she knew he almost certainly never could.

"Melanie, I think you should look into his this guy is," John said softly.

She shook her head in decline, "No John, I-I can't."

She watched as he rubbed his hand over his face, frustration in his actions. "You can send him to jail, Melanie."

"But then I have to see him in court," she said quietly, fear taking over her body. "I don't want to see him again, ever. I-I can't see those...eyes again. I can't hear his voice again," She choked out, tears gradually beginning to fall from her eyes.

"Mel," John said carefully, placing his hands on her shoulders.

She didn't know why she did what she did next but she couldn't help it. She forcefully pushed John's hands off of her shoulders, causing him to stumble backwards. Her breathing became rougher as she stared into his eyes that were filled with shock. "I-I'm sorry," she mumbled quietly, before running to her room and quickly locking the door, trying to escape the world around her.