Of Confidence

"So, why did you do it, Melanie?"

The words seemed so condescending, like they were convicting her for some sort of sin rather than just an emotion. She thought back to the previous day, grimacing.

"Shhh, Haley. You're going to wake your sister up."

"I highly doubt that, she could sleep through an earthquake, mother."

Melanie listened to the voices in the room as she regained her consciousness. She opened her eyes instinctively, but was blinded as she did. The fluorescent lights beat down on her like the sun, penetrating every idea she had of opening them again.

"Melanie? Melanie honey. Melanie are you awake?"

She opened her eyes slowly, keeping them nearly closed shut in a tight squint. "Mom, what are you doing here? You and Dad are supposed to be in Australia."

"Not with you like this dear, you're in the hospital!" Her mom said sympathetically.

John. Of course John had told her parents was all that Melanie could decide. "What did he say?"

"Who, dear?"

"John, what did John tell you, Mom?"Melanie asked through tight lips.

"He uh, said that you tried to kill yourself, Melanie. And the doctor had to tell us why...it was in you file. Why didn't you call me?" Her mom asked, Haley excusing herself from the room.

Melanie sighed, putting her hand on her forehead. "You were on vacation, I didn't know how to reach you, and it wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't die, I'm fine."

"That bastard stole your virginity, Melanie," her mom said angrily. "He'll be lucky if he doesn't die."

"I'm tough Mom," Melanie said, trying to convince herself this statement was true when every inch of her body told her it was a lie. She wasn't tough; hell, she ran from him. She ran from Jeremy when he was right in front of her, right when she could have told the entire world of what a monster he was.

"You need to turn him in," her mom said.

"No, I don't. It's not that big of a deal."

"Yes it is, Melanie. He stole something from you. He stole the only thing that will be sacred for your husband someday."

Melanie scoffed, rolling her eyes. If only her mother knew.

"Do not give me attitude young lady. I'm just trying to protect something that you know nothing about yet-"

"Protect? Really mom? If it was protected, it wouldn't have been lost. And who's to say that I haven't already given it up anyways," Melanie spat.

"What are you talking about Melanie?" Her mother asked, confused.

Melanie took a deep breath. "I said, you can't take something that's not even there."

She watched her mother's face become distressed. Her brow pinched together, her lips softly apart. She ran a hand through her aged blonde hair. "You-you're not a virgin?"

Melanie bit her lip softly. "No, I'm not."

Her mother's face was unreadable, but she could tell she was disappointed. Her mom had always talked to her about abstinence, and how sex was for the one you married, not simply for love, because there was a fine line between lust and love. It took Melanie until that night to see how thin the line really was.

"Were you seeing a boy we didn't know about?"

Melanie looked at the pale blue walls, the white bedspread on her mattress, the tubes that were in her hands, anywhere that wasn't her mom. "Uh, not exactly."

"Then who-" her mom began, before someone opened the door, walking into the room. Melanie listened to her mom gasp as it clicked in her head.

The two stared at the boy who had just entered the room. He looked nervous, and the girl who held his hand looked like she had not a care in the world.

Melanie watched as her mother stood up, dusting her pants off with her hands. "John," she said formally before exiting the room.

She looked at John's confused features as he watched her mother stalk out of the room. Melanie looked to Taylor and the flowers that were in her hands. She gave her a fake smile that only John could see through.

"I got these for you when I heard. John said you fell down some stairs? I hope you're okay!" Taylor said sympathetically. Melanie looked at John whose eyes were on her as well, as Taylor set the flowers on the table adjacent to her bed.

She looked back to Taylor. "I'll be fine, and thank you so much for the flowers."

Taylor nodded her head at her, brushing a long chocolate curl behind her ear. She was wearing an Alice and Olivia Block dress, with Fendi pumps. She looked way too nice for a hospital. Melanie let her eyes drift over to John now, and as she took in his appearance she coveted Taylor. He wore simple black slacks that were thinner than normal at the bottom. He wore a black shirt tucked into them, and a black blazer. His blue tie accentuated his blue-green eyes.

"You guys going somewhere nice?" Melanie chuckled, using her hand to signal to them.

John ran his hand through his messy hair. "Yeah, we have dinner after this," he said tensely.

Taylor looked at him from the corner of her eye before looking back to Melanie, "With my parents," she said.

Melanie nodded her head, understanding why John was being so awkward. The 'ex', if you could even call it that, accepting the new girl. "Sounds like fun!" Melanie said, faking enthusiasm.

"Definitely," John said quietly. "Taylor, do you think you could excuse us for a second, babe?"

"Of course," she said. Melanie smiled at her once more before listening to her heels click out of the room.

She looked at John who seemed to be trying to read her mind. "Yes, John?" She asked, annoyed.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, hesitantly.

She chuckled venomously. "Why the Hell would I ever be mad at you John?"

"Okay, I get it you're mad I told your parents, but what was I supposed to do? You're not eighteen yet, the hospital would have called you're parents anyways. I figured this way would just save us that trouble."

"It's called a Band-Aid John! Put a bandage over my wrist and I obviously woke up so I would have been completely fine," she replied angrily.

"Melanie, have you even looked at yourself?" He asked, sadly.

She looked at her wrist that had a huge IV under the thick layer of gauze and wrap on her wrist, the pressure causing blood to stain the white fabric. There were bandages on her hips as well, soaking up and drying the wounds.

"You lost a lot of blood, and you weren't getting enough oxygen to your brain, I was just worried about you," John said after she surveyed herself, shame coming over her face. "I was just looking out for you."

"Maybe you should stop looking out for me," Melanie said at last.

"You look out for the people you love, Melanie," he said quietly.

"You also hurt the ones you love the most the worst in the process, John."

"You told your mom we had sex didn't you?" John said after a moment of silence.

"I didn't say it was you-" Melanie began.

John stepped closer to her, his face perplexed. "You never had to, Melanie. It's always been me."

Melanie stared at the pale green walls around her. There were brown bookshelves everywhere covered with information about psychology and fake plants. Pictures here and there of Dr. Harrison sat around the room, her smile looking more and more frustrating to Melanie in every picture. She wondered how she could be around people like Melanie everyday and still find the urge in the world to smile.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself," Melanie said quietly. She hadn't spoken to Dr. Harrison the entire session so far, and there were only ten minutes left.

"Then what were you trying for?" Dr. Harrison asked, pushing her long black hair behind her ear.

Melanie stayed quiet and shrugged. She looked around the room and listened as Dr. Harrison scribbled words into her notebook.

"Were you hurting?" The doctor asked.

Melanie rolled her eyes, "I don't know doctor, why don't you and one of your credentials tell me."

"I think you're scared. I think you're scared to death of what you've been given in life. I think you're scared to go outside and to open up to anyone. And, I think you're scared to trust anyone, even your best friends. I just can't figure out why without your help," Dr. Harrison replied formally. She crossed her thins legs over one another, putting her left hand on her knee making her wedding ring glimmer.

"I was raped. Isn't that how you're supposed to be feeling?" Melanie asked, a melancholy chuckle on her lips, her eyes zoning out and staring at nothing.

Dr. Harrison leaned forward, her brown eyes burning holes into Melanie's cheek that was turned away from her. "That's what happens to those who are weak. And from what I've heard from your friend John you're not weak."

Melanie shuddered at his name; he was the one who had forced her to go to therapy.

"It takes a lot to break down someone who is strong, Melanie. It takes betrayal, and I think that's exactly what happened to you. And do you know how I know someone has hurt you before that awful man?"

Melanie turned her blue eyes to Dr. Harrison intrigued. "How?"

"Because the only time you have looked at me this entire session is when I said the name John."

She turned away again, trying to keep the tears in her eyes from pouring out of her lids. "That doesn't mean anything."

"Who is he, Melanie? What happened with John?"

Melanie didn't know why she suddenly felt safe. She was happy that Dr. Harrison wasn't going easy on her, giving her sympathy simply because of what she went through; no, she wanted to really get to the bottom of what Melanie was feeling.

She barely choked out the next words, "He was my best friend and I loved him. He said he loved me...and I let him in because I trusted him-I let him have all of me. And, he just left."

She hated that it always came back to that.