Of Confidence

If Melanie had learned anything in one month it was the world could turn upside down, for worse and for better.

Dr Harrison smiled, pulling her pony tail tighter. “So you’ve accepted it then?”

Melanie nodded her head, feeling somewhat triumphant. “It wasn’t my fault…I see that now.”

“There was nothing you could have done to prevent this,” the doctor replied.

Melanie knew this was a lie to an extent, but sometimes lying to yourself was the only way to make things all right in the long run, and she had finally accepted that. She now understood after one extremely long and testing month with Dr Harrison that she was raped, and nothing she could ever do would change that; it was now a part of who she was.

“So how are you feeling over all now? Are you still scared?” She asked, tapping her pencil on her notepad.

Melanie nodded her head, “It’s not as bad though, like, it’s mostly when I see someone who reminds me of Jeremy now. I haven’t really gone out and done much though. I’ve still been staying in hanging with family and stuff. They’ve been helping a lot.”

That much was true. The Hendricks’s had helped her so much in the past month. When she cried her mom was there to hold her. Haley was there for when she needed to scream, or go to the gym to let out anger. And her dad was a in house doctor checking her once a week that she was going to be physically okay.

“What about John?” Dr Harrison asked, her pencil pulled about an inch away from her paper, ready to write.

“I miss him,” Melanie said honestly.

“Have you not seen him in a while?”

Melanie had seen John every single day for the past month. He drove her to therapy three times a week and they talked in the playhouse together every Friday night. He brought her snacks when he felt like she was sad, and him and Taylor came and visited her every Wednesday morning with pancakes.

“No, I see him everyday, but it’s different now. He treats me like I’m dying, I just I miss what we used to be you know?” Melanie replied, wrapping a strand of her blonde hair around her finger. “I miss my best friend, the one who did things for me not because I was hurt but because he loved me.”

“You feel as if John doesn’t love you because of when he left you correct?” Dr Harrison asked, making small notes, and looking at Melanie over the top of her glasses.

“I just feel as if when he left that was him telling me that he’d never love me the way I wanted him to. He loved me the way that he’s treating me now, like family. And somehow in the midst of all of this Kennedy just managed to make his way into my heart too,” Melanie sighed, resting her head in her hands.

Dr Harrison smiled. “Do you love Kennedy?”

“I want to. Kennedy has always been the stable one for me and all I did was throw his heart right back in his face. I’d be a liar if I said I don’t want to be with him…but I’d also be a liar if I said I was over John. I just, I want one of them to want me back.”

Melanie felt as if neither of them did at this point either. John was making her more like a family member each and everyday and Kennedy had limited his phone calls to once per week ever since the night she kissed him.

Dr Harrison stood up from her seat on the grey leather chair she previously sat on. She walked over to the bookshelf in her room grabbing a hard bind book of it. She came back to the couch where Melanie sat and took a seat next to her. “Have you ever heard of the five love languages Melanie?”

She looked at the doctor, her confused expression showing her lack of knowledge.

Dr Harrison nodded her head. “People show their love in many different ways, categorized under five different topics: words of affirmation, quality time, giving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. I want you to watch for these five different actions, and maybe that will clear your feelings between the two boys. You need to be sure of who you’re letting yourself fall for and be firm by your belief.”

Melanie nodded her head in understanding and looked at the clock noticing that she was already five minutes over her session time. “Thank you Dr Harrison,” she said wrapping her arms around the aging woman.

She smiled at Melanie, “I’ll see you next Tuesday, darling. Call me if you need anything okay?”

Melanie nodded her head exiting the room. She walked through the air conditioned halls and to the front of the building where John’s BMW was waiting for her. She climbed into the black car, letting the cool air take over her skin that was already heated from 108 degree weather outdoors.

John smiled at her and gave her hand a small squeeze. “How’d it go today?”

Melanie returned the grin, “Really good.”

He turned his eyes to the road as they pulled their way out of the parking lot. It was nearly two o’clock on Friday afternoon and the streets were filled with families and teenagers enjoying their summer.

“What are your plans today?” John asked, glancing from the road to her.

“I don’t exactly know yet, I-I kind of have something that I think I need to do…” Melanie said, unsure of whether or not she wanted to follow through with the thought in her mind.

“Do you need me to take you somewhere? Is everything okay?” John asked and Melanie could hear his tone of worry that she had become so familiar with.

“Yeah, I just need you to take me somewhere.”

___

Knock, knock, knock.

Melanie felt nervous as she stood on his doorstep, she hadn’t talked to him all week and she knew it was by his consent. She never called because he didn’t call anymore either. She was finally taking initiative in her life again, beginning with this.

He opened the door with a smile on his lips, but when his eyes fell on her his grin started to slowly fade. “Oh hey, Mel…everything okay?”

“Uhm yeah, I just wanted to see how you’ve been,” Melanie said awkwardly, playing with the hem of her tan colored tank top.

Kennedy turned around and looked into his house, “You should’ve called first, Mel.”

She turned her head behind her looking at the white Toyota Camry that sat in his drive way. “I didn’t know you had company, I-I’ll just go.”

Kennedy caught her wrist as she began to walk towards his street. He looked into her eyes, and she could tell he was feeling uneasy. “I want you to meet someone.”

He released her wrist and after a convincing stare Melanie followed him into his house. She looked at the familiar decorations in the house that she hadn’t been in for so long. She followed him into the kitchen and saw the one thing she really didn’t want to when she entered.

There was a girl sitting on his counter. Her long tan legs hung over the edge of the countertop, her thin ankles clad in ankle high gladiator sandals. She was wearing a dusty pink floral printed romper that accented her perfectly proportioned body. She had to be at least 5’8, but her height wasn’t what stuck out to Melanie the most, that was her hair. She had a bright, but dark shade of Auburn colored hair that made her blue eyes shine like a silvery grey.

Melanie smiled nervously as the girl hopped off the counter with a smile on her lips, but a questioning look to Kennedy in her eyes. Kennedy grabbed her hand and lead her over to Melanie.

“Melanie,” he began. “This is Charlotte. My, my-uh.”

Melanie watched as Kennedy looked at Charlotte, both of them a blush on their cheeks.

Charlotte chuckled, “I don’t really know what to call it either,” she said to Kennedy.

Melanie watched him laugh out of relief, “We’ve been seeing each other for a couple weeks now or so.”

She stuck out her hand, “Hi Charlotte, I’m Melanie.”

“You can call me Charlie,” she smiled in return, shaking Melanie’s hand.

Melanie looked at Kennedy, a counterfeit smile on her lips knowing that he could see through it. “Well, I didn’t mean to interrupt and it looks like you guys are busy so I’m just going to head home.”

“Yeah, we’re getting ready to go roller-blading,” Kennedy said coolly.

Charlie looked at Kennedy from the corner of her eye then back to Melanie. “You should come! I’ve heard a lot about you and would love to get to know you,” she said sincerely. “You could invite your boyfriend!”

Melanie looked at her confusedly, “My boyfriend?”

“Oh, I thought Kenny said that John…” Charlie began, before Kennedy cut her off.

Melanie raised her eye brows at Kennedy. “It’s kind of the easiest way to explain you two,” he chuckled nervously.

“I guess,” she responded awkwardly. There was an obvious tension in the room and Melanie was sure Charlie could feel it too. “Well, I guess I’ll go call John,” Melanie said, quietly excusing herself from the room.

John was at Kennedy’s house within ten minutes skates for him and Melanie in hand. The group all hopped in John’s car and drove about three miles down the road to the local ‘Crystal Palace skating center’. The building was filled with young children and sparse groups of teenagers, some in groups and some seeming like they were on first dates.

Charlotte and Kennedy excused themselves from John and Melanie as they went over to the counter to where they could rent blades for the day.

Melanie laughed as her and John sat at a table, slipping their skates onto their feet. “I can’t believe you still have these.”

John shook his head, “I can’t believe we still fit in these!”

Melanie finished lacing up her roller blades before turning a simple circle around John.

He smiled a crooked grin at her, “I guess all those years of me abolishing you at street hockey finally paid off.”

“I can’t believe you’re still excited about beating a girl who was two feet shorter than you,” she laughed.

John shrugged, “I still won. So, who’s the chick?”

Melanie looked over to where Kennedy and Charlie were sitting, and she tried her best not to frown as she watched him peck her lips softly. “Kennedy’s new boo thing,” she chuckled, melancholy in her voice.

“And how do you feel about that?” He asked questioningly.

Melanie looked back at the new couple then back to John, “It obviously doesn’t matter now. And besides, he deserves better than an indecisive girl like me.”

As if on cue Kennedy and Charlie skated up to Melanie and John, and the group all made their way to the skating floor. Music blasted through the speakers, children weaved in and out of the four making Charlie and Kennedy wobble a bit considering they weren’t as skilled as Melanie and John. They skated for about an hour before going to sit down at the snack bar.

Melanie and John shared a large nacho while Kennedy and Charlie shared a soft pretzel.

“So dude, The Cab invited us to play a show with them in two weeks in Vegas. You down?” John asked Kennedy in between bites.

“On what date?” Kennedy asked.

“August 12,” John replied nonchalantly, ignoring Melanie’s spark of interest of date.

“Oh, isn’t that a Saturday night?”

“The twelfth?” John repeated teasingly. “I don’t know!”

“I hate you guys,” Melanie half yelled, crossing her arms over her chest.

Both of the boys burst into laughter and John wrapped his arm around Melanie’s shoulders pulling her into his side. “We wouldn’t forget your seventeenth birthday, Melanie!”

“Eighteen!” She exclaimed, causing another eruption of laughter from the two boys and a small giggle from Charlie.

“How does spending your birthday in Vegas this year sound huh, Mel?” John asked, lifting his eyebrows.

“Doesn’t look like I have a choice now, does it, John?” Melanie chuckled.

“I’ll pay for you, and buy you a gift, how does that sound?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Sounds better now,” she chuckled in reply.

“Melanie, do you need to go to the bathroom? I’m going to go,” Charlie smiled. Melanie nodded her head and followed her to the bathroom while the boys began talking technical things about the show.

They made small talk in the restroom and as they fixed their hair, Melanie actually enjoying Charlie’s company even though she figured she wouldn’t, but she was truly surprised.

She reapplied some lip gloss as Charlie fluffed her hair in the mirror next to her. “So Melanie, can I ask you something?”

Melanie felt nerves gather in her stomach as she thought of all the possible questions that she could ask: Did you and Kennedy have a thing? Are you totally in love with my boyfriend?

“Kennedy is a good guy right? Like, I’m not making a bad choice?” Charlie asked at last, looking Melanie straight in the eye. She could tell that Charlie was sincerely nervous and would most likely trust every word Melanie would say.

She wanted to scream to the world that he was a horrible man. She wanted to say that he would no doubt break her heart. She wanted to tell Charlie every lie in the book. “He’s a great guy, Charlie. He’s probably the best man you’ll ever meet in your life,” Melanie said honestly against every impulse in her body.

“Then why haven’t you swooped in on him after all these years?” Charlie asked timidly as the two walked out of the bathroom. Melanie became aware of the emotion that Charlie was feeling; threatened.

Melanie looked at the two boys that were sitting at the table across from one another. Kennedy’s charming boyish grin lightened up his face making her smile, but as she looked at the boy across from him her whole body heated up. His crystal like eyes saw into whom she was completely, making her weak in the knees.

She turned to look at Charlie, “I fell in love with the other one.”

“John?” Charlie mouthed silently, causing a nod from Melanie’s head. “I knew it!”

Melanie laughed as she approached the table once again. They skated a few more songs, laughing and enjoying everyone’s conversation. After their last dance Melanie and John bid their farewells and dropped Kennedy and Charlie back off at Kennedy’s before making their way home.

Overall Melanie had felt better about the day, she had finally had a good time outside of her house. She was pleased that she had enjoyed Charlie’s company and that she wasn’t as annoying as Taylor was to her. She felt that she could be happy for Kennedy if he was with her no matter how hard it would be at first. Kennedy would be no where as hard for her to get over as the boy who sat next to her.

“Melanie, I need to talk you about something,” John said, breaking the silence that the two had been comfortably riding in as he parked his car in front of their adjacent homes.

“Yeah, John?” she asked.

“You said something earlier that really bugged me,” he said, turning to face her.

“What did I say?” Melanie asked nervously, trying to rack her brain for something that would anger the boy.

John bit his lip softly, something both of them tended to do during confrontation situations. “You said that you didn’t deserve a boy like Kennedy.”

Her face dropped, “Yeah…”

“I just want you to know that that’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard. Kennedy doesn’t deserve a girl like you. I just wanted to make sure you knew the truth.”

Melanie smiled softly as she regained hope in her body. She reminisced of her visit with Dr Harrison earlier that day as she thought of one of the five love languages that John had just displayed; words of affirmation.