Of Confidence

Trente et un

Melanie walked down the street, her entire body feeling numb. The rain was falling hard from the blackened sky but she didn’t care. She didn’t even know where her tears began or if it was just water from the atmosphere.

She walked at a normal pace with her mind completely clear of any thoughts; what was she supposed to think? So many emotions ran through her body that was ultimately in shock, causing her to feel more confused than she ever had in her entire life.

Her feet carried her up the familiar steps of her house as she collapsed onto the porch. Her parents were home so the loud crashing of her body made no difference, not that it mattered in this heavy of a summer storm.

Trees were blowing back and forth viciously, telephone poles certainly at risk for the night. There was no doubt it was dangerous to be outside at the moment but Melanie didn’t care. If it something bad was meant to happen it would happen.

Jeremy had taught her that. “You can’t fight fate.”

Melanie heard a crash from her backyard causing her to rise to her feet. She walked around the side of her house emotionlessly and opened the gate to her dwelling’s yard. She gasped as she saw what had made the thunderous noise; her and John’s childhood tree house was torn into pieces.

The roof was flying half way up in the air, the ladder was completely torn down, and she could see the fabric of the canvas John had placed on the roof so many years ago hanging in the tree top. Her paintings were on that canvas along with their childhood that was being ripped away by the storm.

“Melanie! What the hell are you doing? Come inside!”

Melanie followed the voice behind her as she felt hands wrap around her arm and lead her into the safety of John’s house. It wasn’t until John had his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes that she even realized that she was crying.

“Baby, babe. What’s wrong?” He asked, his voice laced with worry.

She couldn’t tell him about Jeremy without telling him who he was in the first place, so she lied. “The tree house,” she whimpered, halfway honest. “That’s our childhood John. Those are our memories.”

“Awe, honey,” John soothed, placing his hand on her soaking wet hair. “We have all the memories in our hearts, and we have all the time in the world to make more.”

Melanie faked a smile, “It’s not the same, John.”

He placed his hand on her cheek, “We’ll figure it out in the morning okay?”

She nodded her head slowly knowing that the image she had in her head of the body drenched in a pool of blood would not be gone by the morning no matter how hard she prayed.

“You sure that’s all that’s wrong, Melanie?” John asked unsure.

Melanie turned her eyes to stare into John’s green orbs not saying a word. She looked at the way his brow creased in worry, and the way his lips were pulled into a small frown rather than their normal sideways grin; the way he looked fearful of how she was feeling made her distracted. It made her able to intentionally distract herself, rather.

Melanie pushed herself onto her toes and pressed her lips to John’s roughly. He was taken aback but in no time was pushing himself back against, kissing her lips as if they could break at any second. “John,” she said against his mouth, not wanting to separate.

He put his hands on either side of her face, pulling them apart, “Yes?”

“Want me,” she whispered, pulling on his shirt.

“You know I want you,” John said, confused.

She shook her head, “Kiss me like you want me. I’m not going to break. I need to feel you, John.”

Melanie watched emotions switch in his eyes as he realized what she was asking; she was asking for him to make her feel whole by making them one. She needed him to want her.

John tentatively lowered his lips back down to hers, slowly backing her into his hallway and pushing her against a wall. His sucked her lips gently, biting them in the process causing a small groan to escape from Melanie’s lips.

John laced his hands on her hip bones and gripped them tightly, so tightly to where it hurt but in a good way. She pushed her body back against him as they began slowly making their way to his bedroom and as soon as they entered she was off her feet.

John had her gathered in his arms with her legs wrapped tightly around his body, her fingers making a mess of his hair. He laid her back on his bed gently as he let her peel his shirt off and over his head.

He kissed her neck roughly, making her breathing deepen underneath his larger frame. He discarded her shirt hastily, throwing it to the floor. Even in the dark room Melanie could see his grin. “Nice lacy bra,” he chuckled before slipping his hands underneath it, and unclasping it to where they were chest to chest.

Melanie giggled her mind in a temporary haze intentionally blocking out what she had just experienced not even hours before. She pressed her tongue into his mouth, causing a groan from the back of his throat. “Are your parents home?” Melanie asked, her lips pressed against his tightly.

“No,” John managed to choke out in between his heavy breaths.

Melanie got a serious look on her face as she let her hands fall down to his pants, taking the button between her fingers. He let her slip off his jeans but as she touched the waistband of his boxers John’s hand gripped her wrist tightly.

She turned her blue eyes to his in confusion as he looked down at her, “Not tonight, Melanie.”

Melanie felt her heart drop as she realized what he was doing; even when they were practically together he still found a way to reject her.

“Why not?” She asked, hurt.

John looked at her sternly, pressed a trail of kisses up her torso and finally to her lips, “Just not tonight, Melanie.”

“I don’t understand why not,” she began angrily. “”I want this. Don’t you?”

He ran a hand through his hair, “Of course I do, just- not tonight, okay?”

“Why not?” She repeated.

“Taylor called me today, and her and I finalized our break up, and you and I aren’t even dating yet, and-

“And what, John? You’re regretting this again? God!” Melanie exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. She got out from underneath his body and picked her shirt up off of his floor, pulling it back over her head. “I cannot believe you.”

“Melanie, did I once say that to you?” John asked, heatedly.

She pulled her shoe back onto her foot before walking out of his bedroom door. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Melanie! Come on,” he said, following her out of his room. “You know I love you.”

Melanie opened the door to his house and walked out into the rain. As she reached her porch she looked over at the boy who was on his porch that was adjacent to hers. “I said I’ll call you tomorrow, John.”

Melanie went into her house immediately pulling off her clothes and jumping into the hot heat of her shower using the silence to try to make sense of the night that she had just experienced. She had found a man dead and the image of his body wouldn’t leave her mind. But, she wasn’t sad or scared; no, Melanie felt justified.

She climbed out of her shower and lay in her bed for nearly an hour before she watched John’s bedroom light flicker off signaling that he had given up trying to talk to her and had gone to bed. She looked at all the boxes that were around her room realizing how things had changed.

When she had started this year she had wanted nothing more than John O’Callaghan to be hers, but she had never realized the mess it would take to get there. From breaking her own heart to breaking Kennedy’s, and finally to getting raped, she had changed completely. And now, here she sat at two in the morning with her life packed into boxes. It seemed like the end when in reality it was only the beginning; a fresh start.

And maybe, that was exactly what she needed.

Melanie stood up quietly as she realized what she needed to do, she packed a bag silently before grabbing a box that held her photo albums and keep sakes. She grabbed the necessary items to last a few days and a couple of outfits that would hold her down until her parents shipped her boxes of clothes.

She wrote a quick note for her family before confidently stepping out the front door of her house and getting in her car that was being poured on by rain. She took the random downpour as a sign; and maybe it was just for her.

Melanie stared at the house that was next to hers that she had spent just as much time in. No doubt it was her second home, but maybe in order to be complete again she needed to let go of it all; everything.

She put her keys in the ignition as she pulled out of the driveway taking one last look at the homes that held her memories and more importantly everyone that she loved, well almost everyone.

She didn’t even know how she ended up at his house until he was standing in front of her in his boxers rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Melanie, what are you doing here? It’s almost three in the morning.”

Melanie listened to the soft drizzle of rain in the background and could smell the scent of dirt it put in the air as it hit the pavement around them. “It was always you wasn’t it, Kenny?”

He looked at her confused, “What do you mean?”

“If I had chosen you…things would have been so much simpler wouldn’t they?” She asked, no emotions running through her mind.

Kennedy looked at her more seriously, “Melanie what is going on?”

She turned her gaze to his light green eyes, “I’m leaving, Kennedy. And, I just wanted someone to know I was okay…and after everything I put you through I feel like you deserve to know that…and that I’m sorry.”

Kennedy looked at her, understanding in his eyes. He pulled her tightly into a hug. “Honestly, I didn’t think you’d make it here throughout July.”

Melanie chuckled emotionlessly. She pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and put it in Kennedy’s hands. “Will you give this to John?”

He looked at her, his face completely unreadable. “Be safe out there, Mel. It’s a big world.”

Melanie nodded her head before looking at the boy once more and walking back to her car. She started her ignition and drove to the highway and began heading north, Seattle bound.

And, as she drove she realized that she had not one regret, even though her heart was no longer in her hands, but in the hands of the boy who was waiting for her back home.
♠ ♠ ♠
So guys, that's it. Of Confidence is finally over. I understand half of you are probably pissed off at me for the way it ended, but I hope you'll find it in your hearts to subscribe to the sequel.
It's been a looooong ride and I love each and every one of you who read this story, subscribed to it, and especially commented it. You guys are the reason I kept it going! I love you all sooooooo much! The sequel will be up in due time, I promise.
But in the mean time, check out this John story from disappearing act. I'm more than positive it will keep you entertained <3

This is it! I'm signing out on Of Confidence! Let me know how you felt overall. I love you <3